Finding my Balance!

I decided to see a Life Coach! Again...

I used to see this one lady but she has sort of disappeared. I then learned that someone I used to work with has taken some amazing training and is now a coach! I always admired her! And I felt that she would be a great match to help me find me!

Of course my breaking point was when I finally looked inside and admitted to myself that I needed guidance for clarity! My wise mother said "Take care of yourself and the rest will fall into place". I have not been doing this! I make excuses and blame others. I blame my husband mostly and that is not right! I have to change this! And I will start with me!

My New Years Resolution was to stop complaining about what my husband doesn't do! And I have failed at that until now! I loved how my life coach said that our sessions will not be a husband bashing session! That we are going to work on me! Because that is what I want!

The biggest thing I need to get over is "What we Resists, Persists!" My homework was to journal. I did. I went out and bought myself a pink book because that's all there was and a new pen! I sat in bed and attempted to tap into me and write. How I'm feeling, where I am, where in my body is out of sync. I'm feeling lost, hurt, confused, tired and lonely. I'm in limbo. Of course I know I know but I'm scared. I'm not ready to really communicate and my chest feels like a 1000lbs.

I need to breath and do it! Sit down and talk. I know I want to change the path I am going down and I know how to do it! The big question will be will he follow?

Welcome to my new journey! Will I love myself enough to keep moving forward towards the clarity I am longing for?

Me.. Remember?

Ugh. I keep falling off my being healthy and working out routine. This time is worse! I've gained 8lbs in the past year. Fluctuating between 130 and 134 depending one my work out highs.

I wince again when I look in the mirror. Yet this morning I have done nothing but cuddle with my soon to be two year old watching tree house. Last week I brought my runners to work thinking that I can start running up stairs at lunch. And then because I was taking my lieu days I. Worked. Through. Lunch. Again... Heavy sigh! I get so mad at my husband because he is able to schedule the gym in while I am busy being a parent! I can't get up at 4am and I'm usually in bed immediately after the boys around 8pm. And bath time is at 7. I tried asking my dad to help make dinner and I worked out from 4:30 to 5:30 but then swimming started and soon it will be soccer and baseball.

Ever since Vegas I have slipped into a slight depression. I keep telling myself it's because I'm emotionally exhausted. An that may be the case but its time I snap out of this habit! It's time I care about myself again! It's time I trust my ability to get it all done!

I need to remember myself! It's time I do this for me!!

Up's and Down's

After a major high or adrenaline rush comes the low.

I am feeling the low!

I am also doing my best to do what I know I should be doing. Deep breaths, changing thoughts, positive mantra's... It's a bit of a struggle!

So I start analyzing my diet, the pill, sleeping, stress area's. I have moments of peace in my mind and then I have these slight anxiety attacks. The phone rings, someone asks me to do something, another pile on my to do pile... and. I. PANIC! I honestly just want to crawl into bed and not come out for a week! As much as I long for connection with another human in a girl friends chick flick sit in bed and eat ice cream kind of way. I want to speak to no one!

I've back away a bit! I am learning not to post woe's on Facebook! I'm trying to learn to just let it come and then let it go. Blogging helps

Month end is drowning me. Nothing is balancing. I'm hitting all red lights and bad traffic! THAT hardly happens to me unless I'm falling off my positive bandwagon! I really wish I could SCREAM! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Ok I feel a little better. I might need to yell for real in my car at a red light just to release this tension. But getting this out I'm starting to feel a slight relief.

I have to remember life has cycles! Up's and Down's. I've had a great 6 month stretch of Up's! Now I'm starting to slip back into that doubt. That I'm not good enough frame of mind. So why? Why am I allowing this to happen when I know it's not true? I've book a session with someone I've always admired to help me get back on track. I've also been contemplating getting acupunture done. Steve and I have been doing a bit of research on it for another reason and I'm thinking I just might need this!

What is the moon doing? I know it's not full...

Breath

This week I will:
take 4 days off work
finish tax prep
clean house (I might be begging for another human for a kick start support so I don't nap)
and once I'm calm I will book 2 more parties and follow up with consultant leads

Believe Erin! You are successful! You are strong! You are amazing!