Thank you

Dear blog followers,

If any since I haven't blogged in a while.

I wanted to inform you I am starting a new continuing on a journey started in earlier this year called Project Joyful! I have created a blog, instagram and facebook page! I would love for you to join me on this new adventure of learning and living via my core desire feelings! Hopefully I can switch over my twitter name soon too. I am grateful for finding my sanity! It helped me get things out when I needed it the most! But it's time for growth! Change!

Thank you all for reading! I hope you have a happy new year and see you over on Projectjoyful!

xoxo
Sat Nam
Erin

One day at a time

So today is day one after starting the iron supplements. I'm sure some people think it's nothing but it's big for me. I'm tired of feeling so tired. I have often felt like I was stuck in a whole I couldn't climb out of. Each time I try and get out the dirt keeps washing over me. I felt like I was close to getting out earlier this year. I had so much hope and ambition. New job, new yoga practice, new routines, taking courses, and planning a future of events. And like my last post. I just stopped. I got more tired. And just stopped. I've actually been worried about depression but deep down I knew that wasn't it. It had to be just life. Just busy.  

It's Friday and I'm already ready for bed. I was tired all day. I don't want to disappoint my husband again by going to bed so early. I feel horrible. But it's all I want to do. I told him last night I felt like I was having an affair with our bed. 

One day at a time. It hasn't even been 24 hours. 

Have I mentioned how impatient I can be? 

I stopped

I stopped meditating

I stopped taking time most evenings to wash my face

I stopped reading

I stopped consistently eating healthy

I stopped running

I stopped yoga 

I stopped drinking more water

I stopped caring

I stopped trying

I stopped wanting 

So I finally went to see my doctor and found out my iron is extremely low. 

So hopefully once I start taking this iron supplement I can start feeling ambitious again. Work on my deserve level and belief system again. Hit my pillow and sit for a few minutes in the morning and at night. I've been eating to get up in the morning to medite and exercise for so long. But I habitually hit the snooze button for 30 to 60 minutes... Depending on if I need a shower. I can't stay up late either. I try drinking coffee after noon just to make an attempt and sometimes it works but other times I'm just so overtired I'm drained yet wide awake. I remember having so much energy one night even I was amazed with myself! But I was doing everything listed above. 

I quit things easily. I tell myself I'm not good enough for almost everything. This life to those friends. I'm my own worst enemy and I want to be my best friend. Then I can at least say I have one. Bit right now I can't even say that. I stopped being friends with people. And in not even sure why. 

So here is to the first day of my entire life! Dear iron supplements... Do your shit! I need you more than ever! 

Say goodbye to baby stuff

Well it's official. All of the baby stuff is gone. Minus maybe the odd toy or misc item lost in the chaos of our basement. I know I'm done having children. Maybe. Ok so I'm not 100% sure but I know having another child right now would not be smart. I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. The financially strapped, diaper changing, sleepless night tunnel! 

So why am I so blood sad? All I did last night was cry. All I wanted to do today was cry. All I want to do right now is cry. 

It's gone. But it's not like if we ever did happen to get pregnant again we couldn't get it all back! 

Lately I have been faced with having to let go of things and move on. But it's hard for me. I make things so bloody hard. I feel extremely alone yet I don't even want to reach out. Even right now I want to desperately sob in my husbands arms yet I'm not reaching out. I'm holding it in. Waiting for my next shower to let it all out! 

Why is letting go so hard when you really want to look forward to the future? I am so excited to spend every moment possible enjoying the next stages of my children! Life is easier now. Less to worry about or maintain. I love how my oldest is so helpful and we can do so much more with him now. Our youngest is just starting the potty training stages so I'm stressed out about that. About how stubborn he is and how difficult he's being. But I also know it's not going to last. So I'm trying to step back & not push yet still gently encourage him. 

So I apologize for not being my usually bubbly, positive self everyone says I am and counts on. I'm going to take a few days to morn the end of the baby stage here! 😭

 

Project Happy

Good Morning!
It's been forever since I've blogged. I don't have a lot of free time at my new job and when I get home I'm running around trying to keep up with our life and fall into bed immediately after my boys go down!
On Canada Day I flew my oldest son out to Vancouver Island to spend just over two weeks with my grandparents and my cousins boys. While I was there I felt this overwhelming sense of peace and joy! Something I rarely feel at home.
It got me thinking (again). What will make me happy? I know I am the only one who can create this feeling inside of me. I started thinking about my core desire feelings again! In December I purchased Danielle LaPorte's book "Desire Map" and haven't even read it. I think I need to put down the books I'm reading right now and start on this one! I also need to start my meditation practice again. I've been pushing that aside and choosing to just crawl into bed. But it's true to what Gabby says around not making time to meditate. "Do you have time to feel like shit?"
It was also brought to my attention last night that money does not make you happy. I knew this. I've heard of this. But I finally seen it. So regardless of your financial situation happiness comes from inside! I have a goal to pay off my debt (as does the rest of the world) but I have this old belief that I will be happier? Maybe because I feel I could afford to finally do the things I desire. Banff trips, signing up for a pottery & painting class, joining a climbing gym again, taking level one Kundalini teacher training, camping and so on.
Which brings me to my personal project. Project Happy! You know that moment you sit yourself down, analyze the life you've created and ask yourself WTF. Why am I unhappy? Why does this life not bring me joy? Why do I look at what others are doing and wish I was doing it, but am doing nothing to change that? I know I need to be outside more. So that's my plan! Even if it's just going to be me going for a run or heading out of town for the day to go hiking. I will most likely drag my kids along with me! Pack a lunch and off we go! I am doing it! I'm sick of not doing things I used to do! I'm tired of myself dreading the thought of going home at night or not really looking forward to the weekend. Project Happy is my plan to change that! I have the time now since I stopped doing parties.

So where are you at?
Are you happy?
If yes, what are you doing?
If no, what are you going to do about it?

Will you join my Project Happy...

Forming new habits

I decided I was goin to be a bit more healthier last month. I stopped drinking coffee, started juicing, oil pulling and drinking hot lemon water with a bit of coconut oil in the morning. Of course since January I started boot camp at work, Kundalini Yoga & Tae Kwon-Do. I don't own a scale so I can't say if I've lost any weight but I can see a bit of a difference around my face. My baby belly however has maybe gone down a bit. (Insert ugh sound here and note to cut down on crappy carb intake)

I've made it this far with my new work out routine but it's the early morning ones around the 3 week mark my ego steps in and pulls out his bag of tricks to keep me from continuing. I can't seem to get up in time to meditate in the morning. Sleep is my lover. And lately I have to talk myself into oil pulling and juicing. I juiced this am but skipped the pulling due to time! (But I can type this out while my eggs boil? Lol) 

I'm pretty happy I am able to see my give up habit. Where the kettle voice steps in and says you're not good enough. I can remember hearing that voice all throughout high school either when I was trying to build a new friendship or try out a new sport or even attempt to study. Now I'm spending the first part of my 30's trying to shut it up and be what I coul have been 15 years ago! 

So it's been almost three weeks off coffee... I think? And oil pulling. Almost three weeks of juicing! 

So here I am with my ego again. And I know I will win. I just need to push the next week. Talk myself into goodness. 

What's your stop mark? When do you usually want to give up? Tell me about it and let's push through together! 

I'm doing it too

About a week or so ago someone shared a blog about Oilpulling on Facebook. I was intreaged and thought I'd give it a try. If you are not in the loop or haven't been on Facebook or Twitter for a while, Oilpulling is simply swooshing oil around in your mouth for about 20 minutes. It apparently has a bunch of benefits. I'm using Coconut Oil. Organice and unrefined. I take about a teaspoon in the morning while I get ready for work before I eat or drink anything. 20 minutes is a long time but when you are doing this along side your normal morning routine it goes by fast. I tried it with the little bit of non-aroma coconut oil I had on the first day and then regular oil the next. I loved the aroma one the best. It leaves this beautiful coconut after taste! Mmmmm You can also use grape seed oil. I hear that's the best. It's on my list to try one day! Right now I am getting used to how the coconut oil melts in my mouth. It's really strange at first but once it liquifies it's a cool experience. All I really want to see is whiter teeth and an all around healtheir mouth. I drink coffee and tea so it will be interesting to see if it keeps those stains off. I did say the other day I was going to stop drinking coffee. And then day light savings came. So now I'm working on cutting down my two cups a day to one! And eventually close to no coffee at all. I had to stop drinking it when I was pregnant with my second child and after I did I felt really good. I missed it sometimes. The smell mostly. But my gut was sure happy without it! Anywho I digress. I am on the Oilpulling bandwagon! Are you doing it too?

Gratitude truly is medicine

Today I was witness to different perceptions and negative energy! I can feel it in my head right now! The first thing I did was write out a list of what I'm grateful for! Which is my entire being! It helped me stay calm but my head ache and urge to cry is still pretty strong. And my smokey quartz is extremely hot! Which is a cool thing!! Lol I know don't have to question if it actually works!

I am feeling very blessed right now! I'm grateful for my daily practice of gratitude, love and meditation. I'm grateful for the amazingly beautiful souls that are coming into my life and building friendships. I'm grateful for the love and support of my family. And I'm grateful for my new job! I know amazing things are coming my way! I love this unexplainable sensation I'm feeling! 

Gratitude truly is medicine! 

Thank you Danielle LaPorte for your emailed truth bomb!!! 

Exploring Art

I have a list of things that I once did and loved but never followed that passion! Mainly out of fear and doubt of my own ability! I have a habit of always compairing myself to others and making myself feel small and worthless! 

My goal this year is to push through this! And it starts with becoming clear on my core feelings and values! 

Today in Alberta is family day! And I am spending my day with my family painting! And doing laundry! 

Art was something that has always called out to me! So at 31 I am going back and exploring my passion for painting! Of course my passion for photography comes into play as well as I take photos of my art work! And my children's artwork! 

I will say I am so in love with my sons natural ability to paint freely! It's such an amazing thing to witness! Nothing else maters in the world! Today is about family, joy, love and freedom! 

Below are a few of my paintings:

Here are a few of Jadens:

I was looking forward to an afternoon painting with Ethan a I had promised him but we will have to plan that for another weekend! Xoxo

Time for dinner with my bestie, her boys & my family! 

I hope everyone had a great long weekend! Well those who got one! I'm grateful for my first long weekend! 

THANK YOU! Happy Birthday to ME!

I am in love with the direction my life is going! I'm loving that I am now placing value on my life based on my feelings and less on the amount of money I make! I am working on eliminating my limiting beliefs that I will be forever in debt and I have to work hard for financial freedom. Not true. If I focus on how I want to feel and keep increasing my vibration, my needs will be taken care of! And I will live a life of abundance! I'm very grateful to have found a spiritual practice! And a practice it is! Because I am only human, I have my moments! But I can say that I am 100% happier then I was a year ago! Thank you to everyone who lent me a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold onto and encouragement for when I climbed out of the bottom of the good barrel! 31 is going to be an amazing year and I am excited to continue my growth! Because that's was this year is all about! Joy, Abundance, Learning and Growth! And more time with my friends and family!

This weekend I choose to stay home and have a quiet birthday with my family. I needed calm. Part of me felt a bit depressed a few days before my birthday but I worked on releasing that sadness and turning it into gratitude. And accepting that it's perfectly beautiful to do nothing at all! Saturday I donated blood, bought myself a coffee, gave a friend a shoulder to cry on and bought a strangers groceries. I had read a chapter in Gabby's Spirit Junkie book about how the Universe was working so hard for her and this other life coach to meet. Not really paying much attention to the chapter my day went on. I choose to drive all the way south to go to my favorite store so I could backtrack to stop at another store in search of a red shower curtain. That's when I ran into a friend. And it was perfect timing because I was there for a reason! To lend her my shoulder! I continued on my journey to find my curtain and veggies for juicing and had to stop at another store for mint. I was in one line up but felt the need to get into the other line and the person (I'm not 100% sure the sex) was having troubles with their debit card. So I asked to try mine to see if maybe it was the machine. Knowing full well it was their card. I knew that yesterday was all about giving! And I felt so at peace! I haven't felt this calm in a while! I'm sure love was just pouring out of me! And I came home to spend a beautiful night with my family! This of course through my husband off because he had a few things planned and had to cancel them. I have to laugh because all his buddies told him not to cancel telling him that by me saying I wanted a low key birthday was a trick. Sorry guys... It wasn't! I loved every minute of it! I was in bed by 9! Today was just as beautiful! I got up and made a really yummy green juice, took Ethan to a birthday party and hung out with my bestie!!!! Who I miss terribly! Spent the day hanging out! And then realized that with this new road it only takes 15-20 minutes to get to her place!!!!

I want more days with friends! It brings me so much joy and I feel less lonely! I want my tribe back! I love them all so much!

Thank you all so much for everything! Even just taking the 3 seconds to post on my facebook page or sending me a text means more than you will ever know!!!

Wordless Wednesday Jan 22, 2014

The little things I love:

What do you do when old patterns return?

It's a new year. And this year my biggest want is more family time. I actually have this internal battle between wanting more time with family and wanting to make more money to pay down my debt. I have the same dialog running through my head monthly weekly daily. I decide I want to back away from Passion and spend more time with my family. I look at my open calendar and dread how much work it will be to book or how little time I will have with my family if I book up. But then the parties start to roll it without any effort of me looking. They come to me. And I'm a big believer the Universe speaks to me. So I book them and I get the rush. It's like a drug. Money is my addiction! I make great money and then I spend it. I pay down a few things and then I spoil my family! But I don't actually feel like I'm getting any further down my goal of being debt free. And then the guilt sets in that I'm not spending enough quality time with my family... And never with friends. I can tell you know I feel alone most of my days. I feel so disconnected with people I've known for years. I long to have that connection but I've created a world where I just pull away. I fall back into old habits, old thought patterns. Lack, undeserving, unworthy....

So here I am again. Having the same argument, facing the same fears and seeing the same patterns unfolding. But I have something different in my corner this time. I have love, I have support, and I have more guidance than before. And Trust! I will trust what comes my way!

I'm working on finishing my new Gabby book and then I can start on my Desire Mapping! I believe that if I continue to focus on my desires and then I will start seeing my true path light up for me! But for now I'm working on forgiving myself for falling into this way of thinking again. Working on letting go of these fears and knowing what I need will always be there for me when I need it! That I have a wonderfully abundant life and our debts will be paid off and I do not need to over work myself for it. That's it's OK to walk away from things that no longer serve you. That I don't need to feel guilty because I owe no one anything. My priory is my family... And my sanity! And I believe I'm heading into the right direction! Baby steps!

Loving Change

It's been two weeks at my new job! And honestly it almost feels like I've been there longer. The atmosphere is calm. The people are friendly! I'm getting to know everyone's personality and how to work around them! We have a kick ass coffee machine and a water cooler! A really nice staff room and lots of F&B options right across the street!

My favorite thing so far is that I have one duty! I'm consistently busy doing one thing all day! My stress level has gone down! I'm leaving my hair alone! Which is huge for me! And I have not heard anyone raise their voice once. Pure bliss! And it's funny when one person tells me I'm going to need my Budda because it can get crazy. Now I know it's a slow period for most but when you are doing the job of 4 people at a busy hotel I'm pretty sure I can handle whatever they call busy here! Again doing one thing for many projects.... Billing! WOW! LOVING IT!

I am having a hard time wrapping my head around the dress code... There isn't one! I have seen a few very nicely dress people and a few who maybe should have thought twice before leaving their home! Today I'm totally under dressed for an office in my mind and yet I was over dressed in comparison to a few! This whole wearing jeans thing is so... Awesom! Hahaha We don't see clients so there is no need to dress up! But I'm finding it hard to dress down!
 

I started decorating my office! Bought a few things at Bouclair Home! And I want to (I can't believe I'm going to say this) go to the mall this weekend to pick up a little Unicorn! I need something purple for my prosperity corner & red for my fame an fortune corner! I really need to finish that book too LOL

It's been a great change! I'm very grateful! And blessed!

XOXO
Erin

What to do when you get a headache

I have a headache right now!

I have it because I didn't have a full lunch. I went out at lunch to mail a Passion Backorder to a customer and the post office was busy so it took up my entire lunch time plus some. I was going to run into a restaurant for take out but because it was noon they were all backed up! I thought the veggies, a pear and a few almonds would do. I thought wrong. OUCH...

So my usual go to is warm milk with a tsp of brown sugar and vanilla. But then I sat down to clear out some of my emails and there was an email from my Kundalini teacher! There was a spot about headaches! Cool!

Last night in my second Kundalini Yoga class we talked about stress. How we often hold onto things for too long and too tightly and all we have to do it put it down! If we don't we create stress which can bring on headaches...

She said a headache is your body trying to tell you something! (Like me not eating! HA!) But if it's chronic and constant go see your doc! Either way listen to your body!

So here is her 3 step process:

1. Inhale as you raise your shoulders up towards the ears, and exhale as you lower them.  Continue powerfully for 1 minute.
2. Neck rolls, taking about 8 seconds per complete turn.  Follow the course of your collarbone.  Do this seven times, then revers direction and repeat.
3. Press your thumb hard under the cheekbones for 1 minute.

She also suggested to soak your feet in cold running water, drink tones of water during the day and try and get some fresh air!

I'm so grateful I found Sharlene! You can check out her site here!

Now I'm off to eat dinner & drink a glass of water! XOXO

Wordless Wednesday ~ Jan 8,14

The first day of the rest of my life!

Well every day is really! 

But today I did something different! I started a new job! A Monday to Friday job that is not in the food & beverage industry! 

Holy major step out side my comfort zone! And my ego sure had fun inside my head this morning! Questions like "What if you made this all up?" "What if they mixed you up with another person?" "What if there is no job?" started popping up in my head. 

Of course I immediately laughed at my ego and told it to take a hike! 

I was so nervous I was shaking! But once I met a few others in my department I started to feel at ease! Everyone seems super so far! I am also doing my best not to judge or make anyone better or less then! I'm grateful for Gabby's chapter on creating idols and special relationships I just read. It was a perfect reminder that no matter where I am or where they are in life we are all equal! 

So this week I will work on creating a new work environment full of my children's artwork and my spiritual reminders! 

I received my Desire Map today too! I'm so excited I wish I had a magic wand to clean my house so I can sit down and start on that! But that will stay a fantasy for now... So baby steps! 

Tomorrow I start reading a 414 page manual on my job, maybe finish a few orientation modules and crash after work! Today I got everyone subs for dinner! The thought I cooking this week makes me sick lol Wednesday I start my Kundalini Yoga class! By then my brain might be fried so it might be the perfect thing to do mid week. My health spending covers Yoga so I need to find my receipt to see if it qualifies... Fingers crossed! I paid for it in 2013 but it doesn't start until 2014.... They also have a gym in the building! No more excuses! 

I'm looking forward to the rest of the week! And most of all having Saturday and Sunday off! I'm also looking forward to getting real stat holidays off and not having to work the first day of every month! I just might be able to create a social life outside of work & Passion Parties! 

I am truly blessed! 

My 2013 ~ Year of Change

At the beginning of 2013 I had an instinct that it was going to be a year of change. I wasn't too sure what was going to change but I felt it was coming! I'm not going to talk about what I didn't accomplish in 2013. That's irrelevant now! But what I did do was a lot different from my normal routines!

I complained less!
I donated blood TWICE!
I volunteered over 20 hours of my time!
I took my boys on a vacation to BC!
I asked for help!
I reconnected with my husband & we made a bigger effort for date nights!
And most of all... I reconnected with myself! Started journaling, meditating and really focusing on what I wanted out of life!
Oh wait.... the best one yet --> I QUIT MY JOB! Because I got a great job offer! Yeah Me!

2014 is going to be my ME year! My New Years Resolution is to focus on the feeling JOY, ABUNDANCE & LOVE! I will be doing a Desire Map and working on my other core desire feelings!

Of course I still have my wanna list for the year! Mini goals I set but don't stress over reaching them!

Work on meditation!
Joined a Kundalini yoga class so I want to maintain that all year
I have been signed up for Color Me Rad so I best start running.... OMG hahaha LOVE LOVE LOVE
Pay off my student loan
Eat healthier - Cut out Sugar and Carbs
Do more with my family now that I have actual weekends off
Take a vacation with only my husband
Maintain my business! Becoming an ED is no longer a priority! But I would like to go back to my initial plan that Passion Parties will pay off my loans!
Continue to donate blood!
Give to the Woman's Center now that I can no longer volunteer!

I will continue to TRUST! I will continue to be thankful and grateful for my life! I am truly blessed! Blessed with change and growth!

Here's a few lot of pictures to sum up my year!

Happy Birthday to me!

I'm in trouble

Meeko! RIP!

Yup! Big Trouble

Mmm Tea

I love this woman! She inspires me daily!

I LOVE Butterflies!

My way to serious son and my joker son!

First time on the field!

Kindness Matters!

Happy Mothers Day

 

Thomas!!!!

LOVE this mat! I'm getting another next year!!

Jaden's Baby Blanket! Only took 3 years

He's a lover of books! Which I love!

I am so grateful I had a day of peace thanks to a friend!

ROAD TRIP!

We are being followed...

Jess and I!

Such a Beautiful Bride!!!

On our way to the Island

I got married here! Beautiful!!!

Damn too small!

Mr. Tired after a day at the beach!

Peace!



Uncle sure knows how to have fun with the boys! LOVE

My attempt at photography!

Breakthrough! LOVE!

Family Day outing! Finally!

He went up with Dad 3 times!

I DID IT!!!

Team Work!

D-Tox! I still can't believe he did it!

Mmmmm

Lips

THE BOOTS!

It's in a "Time Out" bhahahaha

Family Game Night

My intro to The Desire Map!

Steve approved Date Night Winter Boots

FORPLAY FOR WOMAN!

Toys donated to the Woman's Center



MERRY CHRISTMAS

New Book after May Cause Miracles!

Happy New Year! May 2014 bring you everything you desire! I'm very excited for the new year!