My Body is Light

Today is Day 16 in my "May Cause Miracles" 40 day transformation to believe in myself and make miracles happen!

This week is about body image. This is hard for me because of how I see myself. After having two kids you would think I would see me as this amazing being for being able to do something so miraculous! Which it is! But I don't and am working on it! I am now going from hating my image to loving instead.

However today is the last day of the Calgary Stampede! And I am going down to eat! Bacon wrapped corn dogs, bacon dipped in chocolate, mini donuts, deep fried pickles, cheese steak covering in onions and peppers, potato taco thingy... Mmmmmmmm

I am forgiving myself. I will not put myself down for choosing to enjoy a day of cheating! Tomorrow I will continue to eat clean and healthy (with the ability to treat myself). [Note: Must look up hemp or rice protein powder with no sweeteners]

Today I turn my thoughts over to my inner guide and let it guide me! While I have fun eating crap!

Deep breath in. "My body is light". Deep breath out.

I can't wait! Yeeeeeeehhhaaaaawww Come Hell or High Water Stampede was a success. I think. I don't watch the highlights or the news. Fingers crossed! Calgary needed this!

Hearing My Inner Guide

I have always struggled with my voice. My wants. My needs. Settling for things because they are easier. Always feeling alone. Unhappy. Confused.

So.... I decided to try something new. Meditate.

And when I ask for guidance Passion Parties ALWAYS comes to the front line! Always. I asked for a miracle and 5 minutes later I have a party booking for the weekend ahead. 20 minutes later I have an outside order. Few hours later I have another party booked and a few other outside orders.

So why am I so afraid to be successful?

May Cause Miracles had you digging into these fears. At first I wasn't even thinking about Passion Parties. Of course my fears tied into it but I didn't think about it because I was considering that Passion might not be my future. Until last week. My Passion fears are picking up the phone, talking to my team, following up with past customers or booking parties. But I am still successful. I still work! I have maintained good sales all year with two exceptions. MCM talks about the things you admire the most about someone is what you want. I'm constantly asking myself why it's not me. When I read others success I'm always comparing myself to them. I manifest things fast. So why haven't I with this? I deserve success!

I need to find out what I'm afraid of?

I know this is my key. It keeps coming up when I ask my questions. My Inner Guide keeps pointing me into this direction. I thought for sure I wanted something else. But I'm good at this...

This will be my next thing I need to work on with Leisa. Along side with my own work and budgeting.

I hear. I'm scared. I'm alone. I'm breathing

The unspoken rule of parking spots

When entering new neighborhoods I'm always aware of potential "parking spots" out side of homes. Meaning if a spot outside the home I am going to is unavailable I am aware I may be taking another home owners regular parking spot. If it's a place I frequent I tend to take note. I used to get really annoyed if my "spot" would be taken when I was coming home from a long ass day at work. You know because walking those few extra steps were a big pain in my young mind. Now I'm blessed with a driveway but we have two cars! I've learned to not let little things like that bother me now. However it's not me on the street anymore. The few times another car was in my driveway I noticed how little it bugged me! Bonus points for my mental growth. 

Over the past week however there has been a new car on the block! I am pretty sure it's a boyfriend to one of the teenagers next door. Last night he parked in my husbands spot. All night. On garbage day night prep. Lol

I didn't think it was a big deal but I can totally see why my husband was super annoyed. (Like I would have been) On garbage day those big ass truck come around and reach out with those big ass arms and do their job. If there is not enough space between the bin, cars & other bin(s) they do not take it! What's wrong with them not taking it.... Our garbage is full of disposable diapers!!! Major gross if missed a week! Ugh... And who knows if this guy understands the space requirements. Plus having to put the damn bin in the middle of my driveway is a huge pain to move around at 6:20am! I'm not all butterflies and rainbows in the morning!

So today I had all good intentions of parking in his spot to save it so this guy wouldn't part there again. I forgot. And he parked there. Again... 

Fantastic! Just another thing to set him off.

So who comes to the rescue? My 6 year old. While playing outside he sees the guy and tells him he's parked in his dads spot! The guy just looked at him and went to his car and drove away! Ha nice dude.

I wonder if he will park there again? Dumb Ass 

YYC Strong

It's hard to believe that a week ago today we had no idea that our city would be flooded by Friday. Last Wednesday was just another day. Come Thursday the warnings started. The fear set in. The panic. Go home early and be with your family they said over the radio. The Emergency Alerts started to frequent over the radio and I'm sure the TV as well. Just being around that was enough to make you want to hide! Knowing how powerful Mother Nature really is sends chills down your spine! 

I was fortunate. Blessed. Lucky. Grateful. That we lived on a big hill in the "Hood" of the city! Forest Lawn. Away from the river! I told my husband to get water in case they say ours will be contaminated. I picked up groceries on Wednesday so I didn't worry about that. Thursday night I honestly thought that Friday would be a normal day. I didn't think schools would be closed down and our downtown would be completely under water. I didn't think I wouldn't be able to get my dad over to watch them. I didn't think. I had to use a sick day to care for my kids. Filled our bathtub and watched the news. All Day! I don't watch the news. But. This was just surreal! Families being evacuated. Homes being washed away. Roads. Lives. Animals. Even one of our Hippos tried to escape.

This flood has changed our City forever! But I'm very happy to see how people are reacting! Stampede will go on, thousands of volunteers are helping gut basements of strangers homes, donating food, money and clothes to those in need. Opening up their homes so our evacuation centers are not overwhelmed! It's a beautiful thing! I have chosen not to listen to the complaining. The woes. Everyone is going through something right now! There's no point in comparing! We have a city to rebuild!

Because I wasn't affected at all my life goes on as if nothing happened. Work, kids, life! I donated a bunch of blankets, jackets, baby clothes and food to those in need! That's about all I can do! As much as I would love to volunteer my time to a stranger there really is no need! That's how amazing Calgary people are! Because so many are still unable to go back to work downtown they are helping clean up! People are even being turned away! Amazing! Can you feel the love? It's surrounding our city! Soon this will be just another story passed down to our families.

I keep saying 2013 is a year for Change! I can feel it in the air and in my bones! I'm changing again, my life is changing again, and my city is too!

I am proud to be Canadian and I am very proud to say I am a Calgarian!

Thank you to everyone who has given! You're generosity means the world! 

Books

I'm not a reader. Never could finish a book. Still can't. Well that's not 100% true but it's extremely rare for me to. But I love books. I'm oddly attracted to them. I love going into a book store and walking around. I love the atmosphere, the smell, the calmness. I can see all stories playing around in the air. I love looking at the covers, reading the titles & the discriptions!

I fantasize about being more creative, more artistic! Looking at the journals to fill with stories, the type of paintings I could create or picture ideas, the kind of book I could write. Redesigning my house & yard. Dreaming about sitting on a beach somewhere reading a fiction or a romance. Getting so deep into a story I start to believe it's me and forget about reality and responsibility! 

I love the idea of books! I start to read something & my mind starts to wonder. I have to really focus sometimes to read. It's hard to turn off my mind. There's been only a handful of stories and I was able to fully focus. Harry Potter, The Scandalous Summer of Sissy Leblanc, Narnia, Infinite Possibilities, Twilight and of course Shades of Grey. I guess I think I much... What are some of your favorite books or authors? 

Powerful Dreams of Change!

Last night I had the strangest dream. Do you ever wake up knowing the meanings? Or do you tried and research out what it could have meant?

My dream last night started off with me going to do a delivery for a customer. I ended up at an apartment complex. Inside the hallways had no doors. I came across another customer and realized I had confused her with another and she pointed me in the right direction of my delivery. I found my way to a dark area, turned on the lights to find 6 elevators with metal gates. There was a guy in one with amazing blue eyes that looked like one of the actors from Shameless. I entered the elevator and it took me up over the property. More people appeared. I found myself walking into this bar where this overweight, unattractive woman was passing out drunk and hanging out with this man who was saying he was her boyfriend but clearly was not. I managed to drag her out of the bar, found her jacket and woke her up enough to run! We ran towards this alley way and passed two woman who started bullying us. I was doing my best to avoid a fight and telling them that people love them and they do not have to be so mean....

Then I woke up.

I instantly knew I was the drunk woman and I was defending myself from being so evil to my own soul! You know like the movie "Inception". How the people start defending themselves from the intruder. I see myself like that woman and I'm often way to mean to myself. It's time to change that! Change that image and self talk!

I feel a bit of clarity from this. Last night I chose to listen to my heart and I feel a few walls are coming down!

Time can only tell but I know I'm heading in the right direction!

Crossroads

When you are sitting alone with your thoughts what are you thinking? What do you see? What is your dream? If not where you are today, where do you see yourself being?

These are all questions I need to start asking myself!
What is my Vision? What do I want? What am I feeling? How can I create my own Joy? Am I happy?

I have come to a crossroads within myself. I have been feeling extremely confused, lost, alone and overwhelmed. All emotions I have created. I know this! I know I am truly the only one in charge of my happiness and well being. And this affects everything around me. But because I'm now try to address these it's creating more ripples. Or more clarity?

I have asked for help! In two ways. Help working through my thoughts which I stated in my last post here and by asking those around me to help more with our daily lives.

I want to feel like I have help. I do a lot. No one can deny this. I put myself last. Always. The needs of others come first. And my biggest priority would be my children! Which to me can not be any other way! I also feel like I've been doing the same, asking the same and well getting the same results. Nothing Changes, Nothing... Changes.

Where I am is my fault. I allowed this to go on for so long. I want things to change! I need them to!

So. How do I figure out what I want and how to get there?

Today I just want to feel like I have help. Simple things. Laundry, Kitchen, Bathroom, Homework, You take one & I'll take the other!

As for my visions, wants and feelings. Well that will have to go into my TBD file... again!

My homework is to journal at least 3 days this week and look into my soul. Make my needs more clear. And look at myself in the mirror!

I'm on a flipping rollercoaster