Trying, Changing, Loving

"If you want something you have never had, you must do something you've never done." KJ

This has to be one of the wisest sayings I have ever heard! And scariest!

I have been feeling change coming for a long time. It feels like a light energy wave circling my body. Instinct.

My life has been a constant moon cycle over the years. An unhealthy dance. I would ask for help and support. I would see a little change and then like clock work old habits would start to settle back in. It was an evil game of chess for egos. And I was tired. Unhappy. And well ready for change! For better! I deserved amazing! And I knew that! I was told I had set my standards too high. I disagreed. To who's standards should I set them too? Yours? You don't live my life. So why should I settle? I always get what I want when I need it! And I stuck to my standards!

I started shaking the foundation of my current life. Not always in a positive way but in the only way I knew how at that moment. I got hurt and I needed to heal and learn to move past the past! I wanted to be hopeful but how many times can you give in until there's nothing left to be hopeful for?

I build this massive wall, book a vacation and left! 10 days of tears and anger and confusion. Of figuring out what it is I.. ME.. truly wanted for ME and of course my boys! I had a lot of people give good advice, great advice, bad advice and selfish advice! And I took it all in. But in the end I felt I had to say what I really didn't want to say but knew deep down it would bring what I always wanted! And I was right!

This experience has taught me to be honest with myself. Only I know what I need to do for me. People may think they know but they don't. They can only live for themselves. I know I still have a long road ahead of growth but I can finally say that I tired, I changed, and I have love, support and help! And my family is stronger for it! Healthier! Happy!

"Say what you mean, and mean what you say" E. Simm (aka Papa)

Cheers to the future and maintaining this healthy step! Learning to battle the storms together with love!

"All you need IS love" Beatles.