My 2013 ~ Year of Change

At the beginning of 2013 I had an instinct that it was going to be a year of change. I wasn't too sure what was going to change but I felt it was coming! I'm not going to talk about what I didn't accomplish in 2013. That's irrelevant now! But what I did do was a lot different from my normal routines!

I complained less!
I donated blood TWICE!
I volunteered over 20 hours of my time!
I took my boys on a vacation to BC!
I asked for help!
I reconnected with my husband & we made a bigger effort for date nights!
And most of all... I reconnected with myself! Started journaling, meditating and really focusing on what I wanted out of life!
Oh wait.... the best one yet --> I QUIT MY JOB! Because I got a great job offer! Yeah Me!

2014 is going to be my ME year! My New Years Resolution is to focus on the feeling JOY, ABUNDANCE & LOVE! I will be doing a Desire Map and working on my other core desire feelings!

Of course I still have my wanna list for the year! Mini goals I set but don't stress over reaching them!

Work on meditation!
Joined a Kundalini yoga class so I want to maintain that all year
I have been signed up for Color Me Rad so I best start running.... OMG hahaha LOVE LOVE LOVE
Pay off my student loan
Eat healthier - Cut out Sugar and Carbs
Do more with my family now that I have actual weekends off
Take a vacation with only my husband
Maintain my business! Becoming an ED is no longer a priority! But I would like to go back to my initial plan that Passion Parties will pay off my loans!
Continue to donate blood!
Give to the Woman's Center now that I can no longer volunteer!

I will continue to TRUST! I will continue to be thankful and grateful for my life! I am truly blessed! Blessed with change and growth!

Here's a few lot of pictures to sum up my year!

Happy Birthday to me!

I'm in trouble

Meeko! RIP!

Yup! Big Trouble

Mmm Tea

I love this woman! She inspires me daily!

I LOVE Butterflies!

My way to serious son and my joker son!

First time on the field!

Kindness Matters!

Happy Mothers Day

 

Thomas!!!!

LOVE this mat! I'm getting another next year!!

Jaden's Baby Blanket! Only took 3 years

He's a lover of books! Which I love!

I am so grateful I had a day of peace thanks to a friend!

ROAD TRIP!

We are being followed...

Jess and I!

Such a Beautiful Bride!!!

On our way to the Island

I got married here! Beautiful!!!

Damn too small!

Mr. Tired after a day at the beach!

Peace!



Uncle sure knows how to have fun with the boys! LOVE

My attempt at photography!

Breakthrough! LOVE!

Family Day outing! Finally!

He went up with Dad 3 times!

I DID IT!!!

Team Work!

D-Tox! I still can't believe he did it!

Mmmmm

Lips

THE BOOTS!

It's in a "Time Out" bhahahaha

Family Game Night

My intro to The Desire Map!

Steve approved Date Night Winter Boots

FORPLAY FOR WOMAN!

Toys donated to the Woman's Center



MERRY CHRISTMAS

New Book after May Cause Miracles!

Happy New Year! May 2014 bring you everything you desire! I'm very excited for the new year!

 

 

Christmas 2013

It's hard to believe another Chrismas has come and gone! This year I was able to go all out for our boys! 3DS XL, Leap Pad Ultra, a crap load of games, toys and Lego! Got hubby an IPod Nano! And I got Hedly tickets, spa gift card, Starbucks gift card, a skirt and a few DVDs. I'm sure there's more but I can't think right now. Christmas Eve we had our usual McQueen Munchies get together! Food from M&M Meats and friends and family! My brother in law spoiled my boys once again and they had an early Xmas because they want to see them open their gifts! It was a late night getting the kids to bed while tracking Santas ETA for our place! I spent the night being a bit antisocial because I was cooking and then wrapping! Ethan wanted to leave him water and a cookie and carrots for the reindeer! And the house was peaceful for a little while!

Christmas morning came & I was up at 6am... The boys still sleeping. WTH

Ethan got up at 7 and Jaden was a while after. We finally got around to the gift by 8:30am or so. And man was that ever a great experience! Jaden was full if excitement and joy! Ethan was as well! To me that's what it's all about! The boys! Gifts were opened, games were played with and a mess was created! I started on our turkey dinner & built Lego! Our night ended full and watching Pinks tour DVD! It was a beautiful day with family! I am so very blessed! I managed to get a few photos of the boys! I'm going to get Jadens thriller dance on YouTube here soon too! That was a big highlight of both nights! Our little dancer! 

I hope you all had a beautiful Chrismas! My heart goes out to all those back easy with no power! 

Merry Christmas! 

How I finally quit my job!

I have been with my current place of work for just over 8 years. I started there November 3, 2005! I worked my way around a few different departments over the years but was never fully complete. Over the past few years I have been struggling with Self Worth! Believing that I actually deserve amazing things! And if I ever got close to something amazing I would let fear take over and I would regress!

This summer while I sat at my kitchen table alone sobbing and feeling completely unhappy with where I have taken myself and I asked for help! And I received help. I started becoming more aware of a spiritual world. I was given the opportunity to work with an amazing life coach whom I had already respected. I used to work with her at said place above! She is a woman full of love and sparkle and joy! And she helped guide me to the things I needed to work on! Holding my hand while I worked through a lot! I finally started questioning areas in my life I knew that needed questioning! For the better! I wanted better! I deserved better! I needed joy! And that's what I found in 2013!

My marriage became something so beautiful this fall! Our children became happier! And I started doing things I have never done before! Giving back! My life coach and speakers on Hay House Radio said that if you want something to change in your life, give back! So I gave my time! I volunteered at our Woman's Center for two months! And I applied for an amazing opportunity without doubting my abilities! I trusted! I finally listened to myself and just trusted! Never questioning! Just doing!

Last week I had my first interview in over 8 years! I was so sick too! I actually had to cancel my first scheduled interview! It was bad! But instead of going to a negative self talk and thinking that it may be a sign that I shouldn't do this and stay were I am not making what I deserve and giving more then I felt I received... I just trusted that my body was just sick and rested! I slept for 3 days! I am so very grateful for my husband and parents! They helped out so much! Finally I felt a little better and went for my interview! I didn't want to over think that either! I kept repeating in my head "Just Trust Erin, Just Trust". I thought it was a great interview and new I would work well with them but I left it at that and trusted. Last month I got to courage to call someone seeking an opportunity and he told me I was 6 months too late. I cried. I was so mad at myself for missing this opportunity twice! But after my mini self pity party I calmed my thoughts and told my self something better is on it's way! Gabby Bernstein always says "Something better is on a truck!". And that something better came! I got an offer the next afternoon after the interview! I was actually sent an offer letter! O.M.G I DID IT! I applied for a job over a month ago, went to an interview on a Thursday and got an offer for the position on the Friday! ALL BY MYSELF! And once I got over the initial shock that I did it I got up, found the Controller and QUIT MY JOB! The right doors open at the right time when you believe and trust!

"If you want something you have never had, You have to do something you have never done!" Kj.

That's what I did! That's how I did it! I started questioning, changing, volunteering and loving myself! Your thoughts and your words create your reality!

So if you are finding yourself in a negative spiral with no positive change in sight, start paying attention to your thoughts! I started this years ago when I can across The Mind Aware. Started using Mantra's and post-it notes every where! And recently started doing things that brought me joy!

2014 New Years Resolution is to be more Joyful! Doing things that bring me JOY!
I am starting a New JOB!
I signed up for Kundalini Yogo
I will be able to sign my oldest son up for taekwondo which he's been asking to join for over two years!
I will get two full days with my family finally!
And I will continue my spiritual path, working on ME!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Hopefully I can blog before the end of the year with a Christmas update but if I get too busy I want to say it now!

Thank you for reading my blog! Have a great rest of the year!

Getting Clear on HOW YOU FEEL!!!

WOW!

I'm still shaking and I'm totally feeling like I'm on a cloud right now.

Yesterday I was in a funk! I get them usually around my moon cycle! I loose control of my emotions and I absorb EVERYTHING and take in EVERYTHING.

So I started asking the questions: "How can I change this?" "How can I fix this?" "How can I get out?" "What is the best path for me?"

And the guidance started to poor in.

It started with Oprah's Master Class and the reminder that everything happens for a reason. There is a lesson and a blessing here!

But my biggest AH HA moment was when I was listening to Gabby's radio show and she had Danielle LaPorte on and talking about Desire Mapping finding your Core Desire Feelings.

Today I learned that I need to start focusing and honing in on my FEELINGS!

 

My biggest issue right now is resentment and anger and lots of negative emotions around my growth and change and future!

So where do you start?

Step 1: Acknowledge that whatever it is SUCKS! Get clear on that!
Step 2: Ask yourself how you really WANT to FEEL!!!!!!!!!!
Step 3: (lol) TRUST! Don't worry about the how's and solving this suckiness at the moment.

This will shift your energy! And what happens when your energy shifts? Perception shifts and MIRACLES happen! Because our focus is now on our wants and we see ways to get what we want! And it all lines up! Doors Open when Acknowledgement happens.

And it is true we can not always control the things that happen around us! And we can't always see the reason or the lesson BUT we CAN control our feelings! We can control how we deal with or react around what is happening!

So what happens when you trip, fall down or feel like a failure and only see yourself stuck? Like I did yesterday.

Dana Wild always said to DO NOTHING. This was her advice with my marketing business when I wasn't seeing the growth or numbers I wanted to see. When you start getting into a funk you must do nothing! Take the day off! A ME day! And be gentle with yourself! We live in such an Ego oriented society where we are constantly being hard on ourselves and self sabotaging!

"Sometimes the funk comes in to get you to be still and hear the message" ~ Danielle LaPorte

WOW! YES! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!

So embrace that funk, take your day and then do what you need to do after!

But what if you have to do something you need to do because it's where you are at that moment working on getting to your higher self?

Tell yourself this: "By doing this task I will feel joy when it's completed"
This changes that negative story of "Ugh I don't want to have to do this again" or "I hate this part of my job"! Change your story and find the underlying feelings and lessons under it all!

This is totally going to be my New Years Resolution! I can't wait to see Leisa next week so we can work on my Core Desire Feelings list and find a new name for my beautiful Twirly Whirly side of me that I feel keeps pulling me off track! I want to rename her into something more powerful and beautiful that is in line with my new evolution!!!!

Thank you Morgan, Gabby and Danielle and the Universe for all your beautiful words!

The Awareness of Blessings

Today I took a sick day. My friend who watches my youngest has had the flu all week. My oldest had the day off. Dad had a few things to do. I have 4 sick days in a year. This was my first used! I guess you can say I was blessed with the flu early this year on a weekend. And any time I had a cold I went into work but left early. That's just who I am. I am a hard worker for everyone else but for myself!

And because of that I slipped into a mini blue day. I had all these great ideas to do a few fun things with my boys and take full advantage of the day. We managed to have an easy morning watching Ethan play his video game while I drank my coffee, came upstairs and cleaned the living room and had snack foods for lunch. Then it was nap time for Jaden. And that was when my energy fully left me. I got very tired. So I thought I would try to read. That lasted a page. I was asleep until Steve came home for a break. Then I played that stupid Candy Crush game until 3pm. I was restless. Mad at myself for wasting a good day. For not going for a walk or even just going out to play. For not bringing out the paint supplies or baking with the boys. The only thing I managed to do was put a train track together and gather up all those damn Mega Blocks that have rarely been played with to give away. Steve reminding me that there once was a time where everything was closed so everyone could have a day. My cousin called my day a mental health day! 

When I get this way I often find myself in a comparing mind set. Where I look at others on Facebook and wonder why the hell is that not me? Why haven't I created that life? Why this and why that. Then I came across a powerful post on Huffington Post about poor peoples way of thinking. And it got me thinking about the woman I have seen in the Woman's Center while volunteering. And that even if today was a boring ass day to where I got absolutely fuck all accomplished and even if I live in the "hood" and don't have the most wealthiest lifestyle..yet (it's on the truck)...... I AM BLESSED!

This is where I bring my awareness to my blessings. How much I have accomplished in life and everything I am creating now! 

That even if I am not where I thought I would be at 30, I am still young. I have so much to learn still. I'm still growing and changing and manifesting amazing things . Always! 

Today I am grateful for my husband! Our children. Our parents & families. Our friends. Our home, jobs & cars. Passion Parties & the band that allows us to enjoy the lifestyle we crave! I have nothing to complain about because tonight while I type this blog up on my iPhone while laying in bed in my heated house... Someone is sleeping outside. 

I had the luxury of taking the day off for my boys. And for that I am blessed! 

Becoming Aware of My Self Sabotage Ways

Two days out of my week I am alone in my office at work. Aside from being a Passion Consultant I work in a Hotel in their accounting department. During those two days alone I started listening to Hay House Radio! At first it was because I found out that Gabby Bernstein had a show on Wednesdays. Over time I became a huge fan of everyone! Being a Mother I have learned to tune out a lot of outside noise around me. Including the radio. BUT once in a while I will catch something that draws me back into what they are talking about and usually kick myself for not paying more attention.

Yesterday a lady called in and asked why she didn't have more people around her. I became aware of her questions because I too have asked that question to myself. But I have always told myself it's because I created a busy life that never allowed people in. That started in high school. I have felt alone my entire life. And the people I feel the closest too live in other places. I remember asking people in school why I was never invited to any parties and they told me it was because I lived far away and they always thought I was busy. I once was invited to a party from someone outside of my school and ran into "friends" there! They actually looked shocked that I was there.

Anyway I digress. No need to go into a pity party here. I create my own reality. I am know this. I know a lot of people! A LOT! But if I was to look around and count my tribe it would be next to nothing.  But here is what the host said yesterday and hit me smack in the face:

"It's because you have a Passive Social Attitude! You have the idea that people should come to you and not the other way!"

WOW!

I know in the past when I put myself on the line I got hurt bad. So now I just don't even try. I long for a friendship. A movie kind of friendship. The kind where they do everything together. When I was at a friends wedding in BC and seen she had this type of relationship I was so jealous. That used to be us. And then I moved. And moved again. And what if I choose to move to Vancouver instead of Calgary. Would that have been me up there with her? I love her so much and I love that even after weeks or months we can text each other as if there was no distance at all. But I want more. And because of the kind of life I have created I created a belief that "She" should come to me. Because I rarely experience that. I am very passive. And guarded. Even with those who I know will read this and go WTF Erin... I'm right here! But.... I'm scared.

I don't mind going to people. But it is sooooo much easier if they come to me. But I think that's why I don't see a lot of people. Because most of who I know now all have children around the same age and it's the same for them. It's easier if someone goes to them!

So my goal is to allow myself to go out more. To say yes to invitations. Or even ASK. I have a date this Friday with a friend! We booked it in because we both have busy lives and I love it! So excited! And I said yes to another invitation next month! I went to someone's house this month and it was super cool! Connecting with woman on a personal level! Love Love Love!!!!

I really hope my new adventures bring in some very cool new people into my life!

I'm learning to not dwell on this woe. I'm learning to be grateful for what I have. And I have made the choices in my life to focus on my family right now! I am fully aware of that. And I am still focusing on that. I want to give my boys so much love and I am working on my relationship with myself and my husband. That is HUGE! I know that once I fully find ME that my tribe will begin to grow! And I will be more open to it! FEARLESS! Baby steps!

Another AH HA moment was today.

I always say "I don't know what I want"

Woman are taught to prioritize others needs before their own! And I do this... ALL THE TIME! Even now still. Yes I have made HUGE changes in my life over the past two months. Donated/ing blood, Volunteering, Signing up for Kundalini Yoga and even going to someone's house that isn't work related! But I still talking about not "Knowing"

I have been asking for guidance from out there and they keep telling me to TRUST! I know I want to hear this big booming voice with an answer and I was told I am a "Master of All" but that doesn't give me the final answer to what my WANT or GIFT or TRUE DESIRE is. But I'm just told something is on it's way and to trust.

So I am becoming aware of this comment "I don't know what I want"

When I visualize I see myself helping woman and being in a bright office with windows.

AND I am already doing this. I help woman ALL THE TIME. I started volunteering at a Woman's Center. And I help woman with Passion Parties. WHAT DO I FEEL LIKE I AM MISSING SOMETHING?

So for the rest of 2013 I want to stop Sabotaging myself. Becoming aware of every Sabotaging ways. Making notes and making the changes. And counting my blessings! Bringing in the Attitude of Gratitude!

I have already started posing "Cool Things In My Life" to keep that attitude going. I would love to see this hashtag all over #coolthingsinmylife

Today the #coolthingsinmylife is me becoming aware! Learning something new and just being able to see that things are happening! That I have to TRUST in the process and yes count my blessings!

WE DID IT! Wild Rose D-Dox Day 7 to 12

Steve and I Halloween Night!

WOW! What an amazing experience that was! We I cried, we craved, we whined, we tried new things and best of all... We did NOT cheat! We completed all twelve days and celebrated by eating everything we couldn't!

I would recommend this to everyone! If I can do this! You can do this! I really want to try and maintain a similar diet without depriving myself! I will continue to make my breakfast and my new smoothies, drink my coffee black with a splash of almond milk, do my best to avoid breads, eat salad at lunch, make my own dressings and snack on nuts, fruit and veggies all day! I lost around 4 lbs doing this and a few inches. I wish I would have measured myself but I can see! I believe if I can keep this up and start walking/running up those damn stairs at work I can achieve my weight goal! But No buts... Erin you need to smarten the F up! Someone call me at work around 11:15am & tell me to do it hahahahaha

We made it through Halloween, my period cravings and a weekend we normally over indulge.

The second week I tried to make a few different meals and our first week favorite Lemon Butter Sole. All failures. I can usually make a really good meal but I just couldn't figure that shit out this past week. It was horrible!

Now to sit down and plan meals for the week that will be good and healthy but not depriving! I'm all for cutting back but not cutting out! Balance! Everything is about balance!

Next on the McQueen plan is to try new YYC restaurants on our date nights. We tried Applebees last night because one just opened by our house. It was horrible. Maybe too much too soon after a cleanse. Steve hated the spinach dip and I have about 4 bites out of my pasta dish. I went for their blonde dessert and couldn't even order it. BLAH!

Here are a few photos from the last week.

Don't forget to check out my Facebook Page! :)

My attempt at Almond Pear Chicken.... BLAND

My new Fav Smoothie! Raspberry, Spinach, Beet & Carrot Juice

Almond Butter Chicken. Cooked it too long. I was the only one who somewhat liked it. If the chicken wasn't so dry...

My Saturday Morning Treat! Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm