Letting it out

I've been feeling a little low lately. Alone actually. I feel like I'm talking to a wall most of the time. Like I'm speaking in my own language that no one else understands. I've been so busy with Passion and my day job the last few months I have had no time for myself, my friends or my husband. My boys get lots of me time during the week nights thankfully but it doesn't feel like enough. I feel like I have no one to relate to. Lean on. Or even just a shoulder to cry on. I'm scared to pick up the phone because I don't want to seem weak but I am so fucking tired of being strong. I'm so fucking tired of feeling like I have to do it all. If I don't do it it doesn't get done or it's just not done right at all. I have become so overwhelmed I'm having a hard time keeping me in check! I feel completely disconnected from people! And of course as much as I long to be around people I want to be left alone at the same time! It's such a messed up feeling. I'm starting to think I need a week off life. But I also need a week to get my house sorted out and cleaned out and organized. Hell I need a week to put my office in order.

There's so much more I want to say but I just can't seem to figure out how to put it into words.

I feel a bit better! I need to sleep! Hopefully I can sit down tomorrow and write out a 2012 recap! And set some 2013 goals!

Broken Hearts

I am speechless with what I have been seeing and reading over the past 24 hours. I broke down today when someone asked me how my boys were doing. I say it's because I'm working too much, not getting enough rest, feeling sick and my baby has been sick as well. But I cried today because all I feel in my heart is sadness as I'm sure all mothers around the world are feeling. I'm the type of person who absorbs energy. I automatically feel what another is feel just by being around them or seeing something happen.

So now what?

Count your blessings! Believe in Miracles! Be thankful for your life and your family!

That's what I will be doing! I can not change the past but I sure as hell can make sure my future is as fantastic as possible! And gratitude is the best way to do so!

Thank you all for standing by me. Loving me and being there when I needed you the most!

Thank you to my husband for loving me even when I know he doesn't know how to handle me!

Thank you to my boys for being you!

Thank you to my parents for all your support!

This holiday season I will be saying a prayer for those who have lost their loved ones this year! And giving thanks to those who will be around for the years to come!

Love your life, your family and your friends!

I can't blog....

I want to write something profound and meaningful! I have slacked on this blogging thing and seeing if I could "become" something with it! ha! Maybe next year!

But right now trying to put words down is difficult! I've been dizzy for over an hour and Steve is re-watching things that is very distracting. He's going through our PVR and seeing what we can delete. He's laughing so hard the entire couch is shaking!

And even writing this right now is annoying me! I don't know if it's because I can't focus or I'm just lazy!

Anyway... I will do my best to put out something for the end of the year recap and of course my 2013 goals!

Off to put J down for a nap and play bejewelled







!