The more I think about this past year the more I realize how amazing it actually was! I can not let the few bad circumstances ruin one of the most beautiful experiences of my life! I will not dwell on the pain I felt when Dave had his stroke. No I am going to reflect on the amazing Miracles of 2011!
The birth of our second son!
The fact that I... ME... had a home birth!
I was able to continue my business after having Jaden!
Ethan's transition to Kindergarten!
My growth to better my body!
Dave's amazing story of survival!
The love my husband and I share!
That is 2011! Miracles!
The beginning of the year started like any other. Setting a New Years Resolution which now today I'm not 100% sure I can remember what it was. I think it was along the lines of "Believing in myself" which is still a work in progress. I can say that I have grown this year! I have taken a step closer to this goal!
We then started preparing for the birth of our son Jaden! I had planned for a home water birth! Steve was not 100% behind me on this. I had a lot of negative feedback. But I felt in my heart that this was what the baby and I needed! It was as if he was telling me to do it. I had this unexplainable pull towards the water. Maybe being an Aquarius had something to do with it? Or I'm just crazy LOL
My home water birth was a blissful success! Everything went as planned! If planning can ever actually happen with birth! Our baby was beautiful and healthy! Pure perfection! This new life was not as hard as I was expecting! Two kids! This is easy!
I continued to work my Passion Party business! I even worked a party 4 days after giving birth! No one can give me any excuse other then they just don't want to when it comes to joining my team or following through with their own business! If I can do it! Anyone can do it! It's all yet another perception about their own belief of themselves and their ability! I set my goals at $500 a month and only fell short in November! Amazing! I am very proud of myself! Tackling my office and organizing for taxes will be another story tho!
My oldest son started Kindergarten this year too! I had a pregnant meltdown at the beginning of the year because I didn't want our son to go to school in the area where we live. I couldn't get him into the school I at the time believed to be better and fell apart! Thankfully I have a very wise husband to bring me back to reality. The reality was that the school a block away from us is amazing and it's not the school that makes the kids... it's us! Helping him after school to solidify what he learned that day! Spending the time helping him learn to read, understand time lines, letters, numbers and writing! And he is doing spectacular! He's very artistic as well! I am on proud mom!
This year I also wanted to work on myself! I want to look in the mirror and smile! I want to be able to put on an outfit and feel confident! There were a few times we'd go to the mall after Jaden was born and I would leave stores in tears because I didn't like how everything was fitting. I felt fat. I hated the people who had children and didn't even show it right after. I was pissed of at the media world and actors who can afford those personal trainers so they were a size 0 after. I needed to take a step back and stop that thinking. I had to remember that I was never "skinny". I was never a size 0... No! I'm a size 8! I have muscles. I needed to remember that I was a very fit person and I had to give myself time! It's true when they say it takes 9 months to put on the weight and 9 months to take it off! My son is almost 9 months old and I weigh less then I did when I started! I joined the gym, changed my diet and started believing in my ability to look good! I can now look in the mirror and smile! I still want to tone and I still need to slim down in my mid section but I now know I can do it! 2012 is going to challenging with going back to work and finding the time to go to the gym but I will do it!
There were some pretty stressful times through out the year with my second family. My husbands band. I roll my eyes at so much and bit my tongue. But none of that compared to the phone call I got November 2nd at 3am. At that moment life changed for a lot of people. Steve's Guitar Player Dave had a Blood Clot Stroke. We were told he would die. We prepared for death. We cried for days. I still cry. There was and still is a lot of anger and frustration to why him. But 2011 brought me my second miracle! He is still here and working hard every day at recovering! He is truly a miracle! Of course so much has changed for Dave and the band. We do not know what the future holds. That will be up to Dave. But we are all so thankful he pulled through and stand behind him every step of the way! The band will have some challenges in 2012 but with every change they have every had came something great! And we are all still praying that Dave can return!
And lastly! My marriage! I have had a bit of a roller coaster ride of emotions this year! Hormones are an interesting thing. My poor husband had to deal with my bullshit, my doubts, my worries, my fears, my sadness. And he did great! Over Christmas I realized that all of it was dumb and possibly something I allowed others to make me think. Allowing what others would say to stir the pot a little and make me believe things that really aren't true! I have a simple marriage! It doesn't take much for us to be happy with each other! We don't depend on a lot. We don't have crazy expectations. Other then my obsession with cleaning. We don't need to purchase crazy expensive gifts or state on social media our undying love for each other! I don't expect him to be home at any hour when I know he's working day or night! We drive each other crazy! We are not perfect! But our love for each other is pure! We have our life together and our life apart! He has his band and I have Passion Parties! In the end we both agreed. All we need is each other! And a night out alone more then we have had.
I am very thankful for 2011! Thankful for my husband, our two boys and our friends and family that stand by us! I'm thankful I have a job to go back to next year. For my car that will get me where I need to be and for my home that keeps my family safe and warm. We are truly blessed, Steve and I!
My life is a blessing! Miracles all around!
Happy New Year Everyone! Here's to a great 2012! Full of more Miracles and Blessings!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
The Perception of Happiness
Happiness...
What is Happiness?
Dictionary.com says that Happiness is "the quality or state of being happy"
Well of course it is. But how is happiness achieved?
For the longest time I always looked at my life as if something was missing. I would think "Oh if only I had "this" things will be better" or "THAT will make me happy"...
But the reality was I was miserable because I allowed myself to be. I wasn't Thankful for all that I had.
I remember sitting down one night talking to hubby about this. Asking why I was always looking for this so called magic item that would fix whatever I had in my head that was broken. Why did I always look at other peoples lives and wish I had it that way or wish I did whatever differently. It wasn't until I took a good long hard look at my life that I realized how happy I truly was and still am. I realized that people were probably doing the same thing with my life.
I had everything I had wished for:
Career, Home, Car, Family, Freedom! All achieved by ME!
No I didn't get that Masters Degree or travelled the world. I worked my way up with a Diploma, got pregnant, then married the man I love and life goes on!
Happiness is truly a perception.
If you believe things are great that's what you will see. If you believe you are not happy then all you will see are things that will make you unhappy.
What is Happiness?
Dictionary.com says that Happiness is "the quality or state of being happy"
Well of course it is. But how is happiness achieved?
For the longest time I always looked at my life as if something was missing. I would think "Oh if only I had "this" things will be better" or "THAT will make me happy"...
But the reality was I was miserable because I allowed myself to be. I wasn't Thankful for all that I had.
I remember sitting down one night talking to hubby about this. Asking why I was always looking for this so called magic item that would fix whatever I had in my head that was broken. Why did I always look at other peoples lives and wish I had it that way or wish I did whatever differently. It wasn't until I took a good long hard look at my life that I realized how happy I truly was and still am. I realized that people were probably doing the same thing with my life.
I had everything I had wished for:
Career, Home, Car, Family, Freedom! All achieved by ME!
No I didn't get that Masters Degree or travelled the world. I worked my way up with a Diploma, got pregnant, then married the man I love and life goes on!
Happiness is truly a perception.
If you believe things are great that's what you will see. If you believe you are not happy then all you will see are things that will make you unhappy.
I would constantly complain about what my husband wasn't doing that would piss me right off when really he does so much to make sure we have everything we need. He respects me, he loves me and he is a hard working man! Why am I so obsessed with the dishes? My perception changed when my dad stayed here for a few months! WOW that was an eye opener for me.
I would also look into other peoples lives and see what they allowed me to see and would be thankful that wasn't my life. I would sometimes also allow others to alter my perception of my own happiness. This is not cool! I should never let others affect me that way. I also realized this over Christmas!
I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you look at your life and think you are not where you want to be then you have to do something about it! You can NOT depend on others to give you what you want or think people or things will make you happy if you do not believe in happiness yourself.
Only you can make the change you want to see in the world ... in your life!
I can't say 2011 was a shitty year because it wasn't. It was amazing! And that is my perception of my happiness!
My life is amazing because I allow it to be! And I also have to be thankful for my family! Because I allow them to bring joy into my life! With a single kiss, hug and smile!
I hope you can change your perception!
Monday, December 19, 2011
Why do I always do this?
Three weeks ago I posted about my to do list and getting me back! The only thing I managed to do in the past three weeks is put the tree up with the help of the family! I did clean my kitchen tonight tho! But my main big to do's have not been touched. Sigh.
I have TWO DAYS left to get my basement organized and that damn pile of toys sorted before my Mother in Law comes.
Now here's the best part! I don't have to do it! She is absolutely the best MIL I know! She wouldn't care one bit if the place was a disaster because she is coming to see her newest grandson! And of course with her being here I would have more free hands to get what I want done done! i.e office - tax prep!
But that's not the point. I want her to come to a nice clean place!
I will get those toys taken care of tomorrow! No more excuses. No more naps! I might not even go to the gym...
Want to know a secret... I've been slacking on my burpies as well! :S Bloody fail!
O.K maybe if I go to the gym tomorrow I'll come home with more energy to get this shit done?!
Again, leaving it all to the last minute! I thought I would be better at this by now? Late 20's and still can't get my shit together! Organizing that is. Heavy Sigh!
How do woman do it? How do they manage to stay on top of it all? I so give myself an "F" in this stay at home position I'm in for the next... fuck 3 months. *slight panic. As much as I want to go back to work part of me doesn't*
Anyway I'm wired right now. Might be from the little bit of coffee I had this afternoon! So I think I'm going to make use of it and get my ass off the computer! With both kids sleeping this has been my one chance to write!
Wish me luck! LOL
I have TWO DAYS left to get my basement organized and that damn pile of toys sorted before my Mother in Law comes.
Now here's the best part! I don't have to do it! She is absolutely the best MIL I know! She wouldn't care one bit if the place was a disaster because she is coming to see her newest grandson! And of course with her being here I would have more free hands to get what I want done done! i.e office - tax prep!
But that's not the point. I want her to come to a nice clean place!
I will get those toys taken care of tomorrow! No more excuses. No more naps! I might not even go to the gym...
Want to know a secret... I've been slacking on my burpies as well! :S Bloody fail!
O.K maybe if I go to the gym tomorrow I'll come home with more energy to get this shit done?!
Again, leaving it all to the last minute! I thought I would be better at this by now? Late 20's and still can't get my shit together! Organizing that is. Heavy Sigh!
How do woman do it? How do they manage to stay on top of it all? I so give myself an "F" in this stay at home position I'm in for the next... fuck 3 months. *slight panic. As much as I want to go back to work part of me doesn't*
Anyway I'm wired right now. Might be from the little bit of coffee I had this afternoon! So I think I'm going to make use of it and get my ass off the computer! With both kids sleeping this has been my one chance to write!
Wish me luck! LOL
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Why I'm not meant to be a SAHM
For years. OK 5. I always thought I wanted to be at home to raise my son! I would envy my girlfriends who were able to afford to do so because their husbands made enough to support the family! It was harder on the days at work when you wanted to kill someone. I would think to myself how much less stress my life would be if I could just be a Stay At Home Mom! I would be happier and I wouldn't miss anything when it came to my children growing up! I was planning and wishing that by the time we had our second child I wouldn't have to go back to work! However once we were expecting the numbers were just not there! I would have to go back after my Mat Leave was over. I was sad.
Now because our finances are tight I did join an amazing company to supplement my income a bit with of course the idea that I would be able to quit my day job and work my business full time! I soon realized that this isn't really what I wanted either!
How did I come to the realization. Lack of drive! Now do not get me wrong. I love love love my business! I love the products and the woman and men I meet! Plus there may be a time where things change and I make the decision that it's what I wan to do full time! But for now I am happy with the pace I am working my business. Anyway back to the SAHM thing.
When my first son was born I had a little bit of the baby blues. But I was able to stay on top of cleaning and cooking from what I can remember. A lot of it is a haze in my memory as I was so tired most of the time but I still had it in my mind that this is what I wanted! I even thought about opening up a day home to supplement even more!
Now while I was preparing for Mr. #2 I would talk about how I still wish I could be a stay at home! I would envision waking up making coffee and breakfast, get a load of laundry started, get my oldest off to school, pencil in a few play dates, get dinner started, get the kids ready for bed and voila! My dream day! So I thought...
Here is my reality! Which my husband new all along! Yes hunny YOU WERE RIGHT!!!!
The day comes and our beautiful baby boy is born! We have a wonderful spring and summer together with big brother! I settle in better this time with a new baby then before! I mentally prepared myself for little sleep and a busy day. I was thankful however that we waited as long as we did because I could go for a nap and leave our oldest with a movie and some snacks and not worry about him! He would often come in and tell me what he was doing tho! lol
My baby is a really good baby. He may no longer sleep very well but he's happy and such a joy to be around! I love him! I also love that we get some one on one time while his brother in at school! The think is tho I don't have as much energy as I wish and time. My gawd where does the time go? I seem to run out of time in the morning and then it's noon and I can kiss any social life goodbye because by the time I deal with traffic I'd be late to pick up Ethan from school! And then it's time to cook dinner which I don't always want to do because I'm so sleep deprived I just want to cry. My house is a mess, I hate doing laundry and I feel like I have to vacuum twice a day and wash the dishes 4 times a day. WTH? I am not happy being home all the time! I miss my friends and I feel bad that I don't go and see them as much as I promised.
Jaden is now getting to the very active stage which comes with the more awake stage. I can no longer count on him being up for two hours and sleep for an hour with a two hour nap in the afternoon. Now I'm not sure what he's doing. He really just wants to move around and chase after his brother and play with cars! He makes me laugh and smile and I love watching him grow and learn! BUT I want more me time! I have embraced the gym but I've lost my momentum. My dream is to run away, rent a hotel room for a week and sleep! That's it!
The other thing is even if there were days I hated it... I miss my job. I love going back there to visit and hearing everyone say they miss me and asking when I'm coming back! There it is... That feeling of being someone! That idea of success I grew up wanting. The feeling of being important! Not that being a mother isn't that. It is but it's different. Going to work was my break from life. From the 24/7 of diapers, puke, food, slobber, tears, no shower days, fights, laundry, cooking and cleaning. It never ends. I sit down after cleaning and it's a mess. I don't know how they do it but they do.
I need an assistant just to get through the day! I think I was more organized and on top of everything when I worked full time! I was able to work my business, make dinner and keep this place "tidy" after work! I would get my girlfriend fill when I would pick up my son and then head home! Work would be stressful at times but at least I was able to come home and take my mind off things. Sometimes. There were those 3am wake up thoughts where I would sit straight up in bed and go "Fuck, I forgot this". And going to work would be my getaway from my family. I had people to share my joys with and hear about other peoples life!
I'm scared to go back to work and I do not want to go back any sooner then I have to but I miss it! I miss the people, the tasks and of course the money!
Hats off to all you ladies (and some men) who stay at home and get full fulfilment out of it! A part of me will always envy you but I now know that it is not meant for me! I was mean to work! I'm a better person when I can get away!
Now because our finances are tight I did join an amazing company to supplement my income a bit with of course the idea that I would be able to quit my day job and work my business full time! I soon realized that this isn't really what I wanted either!
How did I come to the realization. Lack of drive! Now do not get me wrong. I love love love my business! I love the products and the woman and men I meet! Plus there may be a time where things change and I make the decision that it's what I wan to do full time! But for now I am happy with the pace I am working my business. Anyway back to the SAHM thing.
When my first son was born I had a little bit of the baby blues. But I was able to stay on top of cleaning and cooking from what I can remember. A lot of it is a haze in my memory as I was so tired most of the time but I still had it in my mind that this is what I wanted! I even thought about opening up a day home to supplement even more!
Now while I was preparing for Mr. #2 I would talk about how I still wish I could be a stay at home! I would envision waking up making coffee and breakfast, get a load of laundry started, get my oldest off to school, pencil in a few play dates, get dinner started, get the kids ready for bed and voila! My dream day! So I thought...
Here is my reality! Which my husband new all along! Yes hunny YOU WERE RIGHT!!!!
The day comes and our beautiful baby boy is born! We have a wonderful spring and summer together with big brother! I settle in better this time with a new baby then before! I mentally prepared myself for little sleep and a busy day. I was thankful however that we waited as long as we did because I could go for a nap and leave our oldest with a movie and some snacks and not worry about him! He would often come in and tell me what he was doing tho! lol
My baby is a really good baby. He may no longer sleep very well but he's happy and such a joy to be around! I love him! I also love that we get some one on one time while his brother in at school! The think is tho I don't have as much energy as I wish and time. My gawd where does the time go? I seem to run out of time in the morning and then it's noon and I can kiss any social life goodbye because by the time I deal with traffic I'd be late to pick up Ethan from school! And then it's time to cook dinner which I don't always want to do because I'm so sleep deprived I just want to cry. My house is a mess, I hate doing laundry and I feel like I have to vacuum twice a day and wash the dishes 4 times a day. WTH? I am not happy being home all the time! I miss my friends and I feel bad that I don't go and see them as much as I promised.
Jaden is now getting to the very active stage which comes with the more awake stage. I can no longer count on him being up for two hours and sleep for an hour with a two hour nap in the afternoon. Now I'm not sure what he's doing. He really just wants to move around and chase after his brother and play with cars! He makes me laugh and smile and I love watching him grow and learn! BUT I want more me time! I have embraced the gym but I've lost my momentum. My dream is to run away, rent a hotel room for a week and sleep! That's it!
The other thing is even if there were days I hated it... I miss my job. I love going back there to visit and hearing everyone say they miss me and asking when I'm coming back! There it is... That feeling of being someone! That idea of success I grew up wanting. The feeling of being important! Not that being a mother isn't that. It is but it's different. Going to work was my break from life. From the 24/7 of diapers, puke, food, slobber, tears, no shower days, fights, laundry, cooking and cleaning. It never ends. I sit down after cleaning and it's a mess. I don't know how they do it but they do.
I need an assistant just to get through the day! I think I was more organized and on top of everything when I worked full time! I was able to work my business, make dinner and keep this place "tidy" after work! I would get my girlfriend fill when I would pick up my son and then head home! Work would be stressful at times but at least I was able to come home and take my mind off things. Sometimes. There were those 3am wake up thoughts where I would sit straight up in bed and go "Fuck, I forgot this". And going to work would be my getaway from my family. I had people to share my joys with and hear about other peoples life!
I'm scared to go back to work and I do not want to go back any sooner then I have to but I miss it! I miss the people, the tasks and of course the money!
Hats off to all you ladies (and some men) who stay at home and get full fulfilment out of it! A part of me will always envy you but I now know that it is not meant for me! I was mean to work! I'm a better person when I can get away!
Monday, December 5, 2011
Getting ME back
This past month I have lost myself. Lost sight of my goals, my ability to be positive, my drive to save money, my will to keep on top of the house, and of course the ability to show any love and affection towards my husband. Especially when he needed it the most!
I want to get back on track!
Of course we have been through a lot this past month. Dealing with more then a few scenarios we didn't want or even expected. But the reality is it's life! And there will be more scenarios that will put us in the drivers seat to either take control or lose it.
My first step to getting me back on track is tackling this house! Cleaning and organizing so I can stay on top of it easier after and get back to the gym!
My MIL comes in three weeks! Christmas is in three weeks! Ethan is done school in three weeks! I ONLY HAVE THREE WEEKS!!!!!!!!!!!!
So here I sit again. Making a To Do list I plan on completing! Praying it doesn't end up like all the others... incomplete! I'm the kind of person that starts things and hardly ever finishes them. Either from lack of interest or self-confidence! Sometimes time gets in the way! I was a lot better when I was working full time! Strange?
To Do:
Organize closets
Organize/sort toys
De-clutter upstairs and put the Tree up
Organize Office
Baby Proof the things I haven't figured out yet
Stay on top of laundry
Stay on top of cleaning
Most of my lists are short but the amount of time that I have to put into each item is a lot. I think I can accomplish this in 3 weeks with no social life or bribing a friend to come hang out! However my baby is sick so I don't see that happening in the next week!
I can get a start on laundry tonight and finish it tomorrow! Then I wont have to do it again for another two weeks!
Wed I can have Ethan help me finish with the toys after his half day before swimming.
And maybe tonight I can finish the upstairs as I've already started!
What's on your Holiday To Do List?
I want to get back on track!
Of course we have been through a lot this past month. Dealing with more then a few scenarios we didn't want or even expected. But the reality is it's life! And there will be more scenarios that will put us in the drivers seat to either take control or lose it.
My first step to getting me back on track is tackling this house! Cleaning and organizing so I can stay on top of it easier after and get back to the gym!
My MIL comes in three weeks! Christmas is in three weeks! Ethan is done school in three weeks! I ONLY HAVE THREE WEEKS!!!!!!!!!!!!
So here I sit again. Making a To Do list I plan on completing! Praying it doesn't end up like all the others... incomplete! I'm the kind of person that starts things and hardly ever finishes them. Either from lack of interest or self-confidence! Sometimes time gets in the way! I was a lot better when I was working full time! Strange?
To Do:
Organize closets
Organize/sort toys
De-clutter upstairs and put the Tree up
Organize Office
Baby Proof the things I haven't figured out yet
Stay on top of laundry
Stay on top of cleaning
Most of my lists are short but the amount of time that I have to put into each item is a lot. I think I can accomplish this in 3 weeks with no social life or bribing a friend to come hang out! However my baby is sick so I don't see that happening in the next week!
I can get a start on laundry tonight and finish it tomorrow! Then I wont have to do it again for another two weeks!
Wed I can have Ethan help me finish with the toys after his half day before swimming.
And maybe tonight I can finish the upstairs as I've already started!
What's on your Holiday To Do List?
Thursday, December 1, 2011
What about MY wish list?
In honour of the time of year and my son constantly giving me his wish list I thought I would blog about mine!
I think I deserve to ask for things too. I put up with a lot. I deserve to be spoiled!
Of course I would love a new diamond ring or an iPad but most of my wants match my needs. They are practical!
Are you ready? Here are my Top 5!
I think I deserve to ask for things too. I put up with a lot. I deserve to be spoiled!
Of course I would love a new diamond ring or an iPad but most of my wants match my needs. They are practical!
Are you ready? Here are my Top 5!
5: Pampered Chef Stone ware!
Feel free to shop HERE for me! Or for you! Sarah's my cousin! Buy from her!
4: A Make-Over and a FULL Nights Sleep
I would like to spend a day at a spa, have someone change my hair and even come in and give me a new wardrobe! I think this is on every breast feeding mothers wish list! I love being exclusive however I am getting tired and warn down. I still do not feel like I'm getting the help and support I need but I guess that is something I will just have to learn to deal with. Until then I will continue to day dream about running away and sleeping with no distractions!
3: A Camera... I professional one!
I have always wanted to learn how to take photos. It's the same kind of longing I have for painting. I think it's the creative side of me trying to come out! I'm an Aquarius! But fear of failure keeps me from trying. So here it is. My $1000 dream camera but I would settle for the $600 one at Wal-Mart for now LOL
2: New Flooring in my House
Right now we have maroon carpet in the living rooms and bedrooms, crappy laminate in one bathroom and kitchen, ugly lino on the stair and in the hallway downstairs and chipped tile in the bathroom downstairs...
This is more like it!
And My Top Top Want on My Wish List...
1: A Brand New Toyota Highlander!!!!!!!
With two kids now we need more space then my little Yaris has. I would realistically be able to get one in 2013! That's my goal! Unless Santa wants to be super nice to me this year! Please!
So there you have it! My shortened wish list! I could add a new couches, mop, jewellery, iPad 2, a kidless vacation, maid, chef, deep freeze, gift cards to iTunes and Wal-Mart and Superstore. New bedding and towels! Oh and a blender... need to get me one of those again and so much more! But for now this is all! These are my top 5!
What is on your Top 5 Wish List this year?
On a side note the one thing I am actually praying for every day to put life in perspective... A Miracle for Dave. Thank you for your support for the Steve McQueen Band and their guitar player Dave on his recovery! Keep praying! We love you!
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
One More Day
I am giving myself one more day to say "Fuck You World"!
I'm so sick of the unknown and the bad news and the questions and stress and cancellations. I'm sick of other people putting their nose in business they have no right being in or demanding things and being fucking clueless about the entire scenario! And how about doing a shitting job at what you are supposed to be good at. Fuck is it really hard to put a toilet on right? Do I have to fucking do everything?
I'm also so tired of being angry, hurt, lonely, confused and tired. I'm also tired of being bitchy. I hate being in a bad mood. It gets you no where.
So tomorrow is my last day. If you want to give me bad news or cancel a party or send me yet another bill we can't afford... then tomorrow is your day! After that I am closed for business!
December I will be turning up the good music, my train your brain CD's and reading the Secret and Infinite Possibilities book! I will be putting up the decorations and baking with my son and possibly picking up some Christmas artsy crafty shit to make with him as well! He's a very artsy person!
December I will return back to my noble self where everything does happen for a reason and people do create their own reality (hence the shitty ass month filled with my shitty ass thoughts) and I can only control myself and my destiny!
I have two young boys and need a home filled with joy and laughter! No more tears. Please. I'm so done with crying.
I want a good Christmas this year. It's Jaden's first Christmas! It's going to be special!
Great food, Family and Friends!
Right now I'm still on my "WHAT THE FUCK" thoughts!
December I will keep this is mind:
"While it's often fashionable to dwell upon what might have been, Erin, what's usually overlooked is that really and truly, it couldn't have.
Because, invariably, any romanticized versions of how things "might have been," are based upon fictionalized versions of the past.
Un-hun,
The Universe"
I'm so sick of the unknown and the bad news and the questions and stress and cancellations. I'm sick of other people putting their nose in business they have no right being in or demanding things and being fucking clueless about the entire scenario! And how about doing a shitting job at what you are supposed to be good at. Fuck is it really hard to put a toilet on right? Do I have to fucking do everything?
I'm also so tired of being angry, hurt, lonely, confused and tired. I'm also tired of being bitchy. I hate being in a bad mood. It gets you no where.
So tomorrow is my last day. If you want to give me bad news or cancel a party or send me yet another bill we can't afford... then tomorrow is your day! After that I am closed for business!
December I will be turning up the good music, my train your brain CD's and reading the Secret and Infinite Possibilities book! I will be putting up the decorations and baking with my son and possibly picking up some Christmas artsy crafty shit to make with him as well! He's a very artsy person!
December I will return back to my noble self where everything does happen for a reason and people do create their own reality (hence the shitty ass month filled with my shitty ass thoughts) and I can only control myself and my destiny!
I have two young boys and need a home filled with joy and laughter! No more tears. Please. I'm so done with crying.
I want a good Christmas this year. It's Jaden's first Christmas! It's going to be special!
Great food, Family and Friends!
Right now I'm still on my "WHAT THE FUCK" thoughts!
December I will keep this is mind:
"While it's often fashionable to dwell upon what might have been, Erin, what's usually overlooked is that really and truly, it couldn't have.
Because, invariably, any romanticized versions of how things "might have been," are based upon fictionalized versions of the past.
Un-hun,
The Universe"
Monday, November 21, 2011
What ever happened to "Til Death Do Us Part"?
Did you know that every 10 seconds someone in this world is getting a divorce? Really?
Lately that's all you are hearing about on TV. There was the big ass Kardashien divorce and now Ashton & Demi. My first thought is who cares but then I wonder why? Why can they not make it work or why the hell did they marry in the first place? Was it love, money or publicity? Why is the divorce rate so high? Why are people giving up so easily?
I'm sure like most woman I remember fantasising about what kind of man I was going to marry. Where and when my wedding would be. What my life would look like after the fact. How many kids we would have and so on.
The truth. It's nothing like I imagined.
Marriage is HARD!
Think about it. Living with anyone, relationship or not is not easy at all. And then you have to create a joint life together! You have to manage to balance your time wisely and learn how not to set of ticking time bombs of bickering. The things you used to love becomes the things you hate and nothing is ever enough.
But then there's the love and the friendship. There's that one person you call first when things go wrong. Unless you want to bitch about your significant other then you call your BFF!
Of course there are certain situations that are a great cause for divorce! But when it's a normal relationship hitting a rough patch then divorce is (in my opinion) an chicken shits way out!
When you think about a relationship going wrong you can not just look at the other party and point your finger! It takes two to make things work!
If your significant other cheats on you then you have to question why? About 70% of men and woman have affairs! Obviously there was a communication breakdown between you two. Often it's because emotional needs are not being met. You would think it was sexual but it often isn't the case.
When I look at my own marriage I often think WTF. I don't often feel like I'm being heard or my needs are not being met so I shut down. Then I get mad. Then I have my monthly meltdown. I tend to bottle things up until I explode! Now you would think he would clue in but no. He hasn't yet! (He's going to read this and hate me for it LOL but maybe he'll get it! I love you) But that does not make me want to go out and find something else. The so called ideal "Hall Pass" does not appeal to me at all. Because even if my marriage was ever to end the same issues in this relationship would probably be the same in the next! How do I know this. I have been told and heard from people who have been married more then once say so.
"If I would have know the problems would be the same in my second marriage I would have just stayed with the first" Unknown
You have to look inside yourself! You can not be happy in a relationship if you are not happy with yourself! If you are not happy with one then what makes you think the other will be any different?
And then once kids are involved the dynamic of it all changes and makes it even harder!
But at the end of the day I hope it's worth it! The choices, the feelings, the time!
If your relationship is not where you would like it to be I suggest you go out for dinner and talk! Your relationship is important! Know and understand the others expectations, needs and wants and always make time for each other! AND NEVER GO TO BED ANGRY!
And if your bedroom life needs a little spicing up I can help you there too! ;) www.majesticpassion.com *Shameless Advertising*
Now go on your date and let's bring that divorce rate down!
Lately that's all you are hearing about on TV. There was the big ass Kardashien divorce and now Ashton & Demi. My first thought is who cares but then I wonder why? Why can they not make it work or why the hell did they marry in the first place? Was it love, money or publicity? Why is the divorce rate so high? Why are people giving up so easily?
I'm sure like most woman I remember fantasising about what kind of man I was going to marry. Where and when my wedding would be. What my life would look like after the fact. How many kids we would have and so on.
The truth. It's nothing like I imagined.
Marriage is HARD!
Think about it. Living with anyone, relationship or not is not easy at all. And then you have to create a joint life together! You have to manage to balance your time wisely and learn how not to set of ticking time bombs of bickering. The things you used to love becomes the things you hate and nothing is ever enough.
But then there's the love and the friendship. There's that one person you call first when things go wrong. Unless you want to bitch about your significant other then you call your BFF!
Of course there are certain situations that are a great cause for divorce! But when it's a normal relationship hitting a rough patch then divorce is (in my opinion) an chicken shits way out!
When you think about a relationship going wrong you can not just look at the other party and point your finger! It takes two to make things work!
If your significant other cheats on you then you have to question why? About 70% of men and woman have affairs! Obviously there was a communication breakdown between you two. Often it's because emotional needs are not being met. You would think it was sexual but it often isn't the case.
When I look at my own marriage I often think WTF. I don't often feel like I'm being heard or my needs are not being met so I shut down. Then I get mad. Then I have my monthly meltdown. I tend to bottle things up until I explode! Now you would think he would clue in but no. He hasn't yet! (He's going to read this and hate me for it LOL but maybe he'll get it! I love you) But that does not make me want to go out and find something else. The so called ideal "Hall Pass" does not appeal to me at all. Because even if my marriage was ever to end the same issues in this relationship would probably be the same in the next! How do I know this. I have been told and heard from people who have been married more then once say so.
"If I would have know the problems would be the same in my second marriage I would have just stayed with the first" Unknown
You have to look inside yourself! You can not be happy in a relationship if you are not happy with yourself! If you are not happy with one then what makes you think the other will be any different?
And then once kids are involved the dynamic of it all changes and makes it even harder!
But at the end of the day I hope it's worth it! The choices, the feelings, the time!
If your relationship is not where you would like it to be I suggest you go out for dinner and talk! Your relationship is important! Know and understand the others expectations, needs and wants and always make time for each other! AND NEVER GO TO BED ANGRY!
And if your bedroom life needs a little spicing up I can help you there too! ;) www.majesticpassion.com *Shameless Advertising*
Now go on your date and let's bring that divorce rate down!
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Slowly but surely!
November has proven to be a hard month! But a month to help me question and grow!
I have been somewhat keeping to my new way of eating! I don't get down on myself! I'm only human with two kids and sometimes a Peanut Butter and Jam Sandwich is what is needed when you are tired!
I also haven't been going to the gym my 3 to 4 times a week due to helping with school trips, going to the Hospital and other appointments.
I went Sunday to my "Take It Off" paid program. I walk in after two weeks of not seeing the gym and walk over to that scale! Say a little Prayer and step on...
139lbs Baby!
Fuck Yes! Something good out of this bitter sweet month! I continue to lose a pound a week! Beautiful! I am 9 lbs away from my goal! 4 lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight! I am feeling goooooood! I also put on a bathing suite yesterday and didn't cringe when I looked in the mirror! Of course I do not have that perfect body. I still have my love handles and mini baby pouch and do I dare say cellulite... sigh. But I felt good! I can see myself getting smaller! I heard it was hard losing weight after your second but I think I'm doing pretty damn good!
So by January I should be at my goal! I need to factor in Christmas food so I'll give myself a break LOL I will be happy if I get to my pre-baby weight! I just want to push a little farther because I can! I want to enter my 30's feeling hot and I have a year and 3 months until I have to face that stage in life!
I have been somewhat keeping to my new way of eating! I don't get down on myself! I'm only human with two kids and sometimes a Peanut Butter and Jam Sandwich is what is needed when you are tired!
I also haven't been going to the gym my 3 to 4 times a week due to helping with school trips, going to the Hospital and other appointments.
I went Sunday to my "Take It Off" paid program. I walk in after two weeks of not seeing the gym and walk over to that scale! Say a little Prayer and step on...
139lbs Baby!
Fuck Yes! Something good out of this bitter sweet month! I continue to lose a pound a week! Beautiful! I am 9 lbs away from my goal! 4 lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight! I am feeling goooooood! I also put on a bathing suite yesterday and didn't cringe when I looked in the mirror! Of course I do not have that perfect body. I still have my love handles and mini baby pouch and do I dare say cellulite... sigh. But I felt good! I can see myself getting smaller! I heard it was hard losing weight after your second but I think I'm doing pretty damn good!
So by January I should be at my goal! I need to factor in Christmas food so I'll give myself a break LOL I will be happy if I get to my pre-baby weight! I just want to push a little farther because I can! I want to enter my 30's feeling hot and I have a year and 3 months until I have to face that stage in life!
Monday, November 14, 2011
When it rains...
November has been turning out to be a month not on our side. Of course when it comes to life happening I wonder what I've been thinking to bring all this on!
First Dave. Dave's life has changed forever. And so has ours. Dave was a big part of our life and always will be. We will be there for him every step of the way. But still is say What The Fuck... and I'm still left wondering why him?
Next the total bill to fix our son's teeth. Over $2200. Again WHAT THE FUCK. Here I get extremely made at myself for not being more diligent. Yes we brushed his teeth but we hardly flossed them and I still feel like a failure as a mother. But we learn and we change! $2200 fucking later! Thankfully we have coverage! Between Hubby's 80% and my health spending plan we should be able to have the entire amount covered! However we must pay upfront first! Thankfully we have a credit card!
Now the icing on the cake! The pebble that broke the camels back! The one last bit of news that sent me over the moon with frustration. We have to get our plumbing fixed! I don't know how much this is going to cost as we have yet to have an estimator come in but we have been told it could be a few grand!
How so you ask. Well let me tell you... You might want to sit down for this one!
Saturday night I had to pee and hubby was using the bathroom upstairs. So as I'm doing my business I'm thinking how thankful I was for having two toilets in the house at a time like this! Yes. Very thankful! Then I flush and it doesn't go down. Fuck. So I plunge and what starts coming up out of the shower... I'll spare you the details but I'm sure you can imagine! FUCKING HELL!!!
I decide to try and fix thislittle problem myself. $50 later at home depot (gloves, screws for gate and a $26 $40 snake) and it doesn't work. I call a friends husband and he tells me I'm going to have to remove the toilet and try to snake it 10 to 15 times however the fumes can be a bit deadly for the family! FUCK and after telling hubby this he says he's not letting me do that! So he calls a plumber. $300 later, toilet off and camera down we are advised that our lines have a few sags that need to be fixed. Not only that but the dumb asses who renovated the bathroom didn't set the toilet on right and it would take the plumber two hours to put back on because he'd have to cut the tile. AND they are not sure if our City Shut Off Valve is broken or just propped open! Fixing the valve is $1000 alone! FUCK! And fixing the pipes we have to rip up the floor in the bathroom and laundry room! Dear Universe. When I said I wanted to renovate the bathrooms I was thinking SOAKER TUB AND LINO! Note to self.. Clarify!
And how the hell do they get "sags" anyway? I need to Google this shit! Pun intended!
So I lost it inside my head and on Facebook LOL. I also have to say goodbye to saving for my hardwood floors through out our home for at least another few years! AND we do not have a second toilet any more! Which sucks because we have my Dad here for a little bit and then Hubby's mom is coming for Christmas!
What happened to being grateful for things? So what being grateful for a second toilet means it's being taken away? Fuck you!
BUT I have to remember this isn't the end of the world! Everything happens for a reason! Even if I can't see the reason right now. And it always works out in the end!
AND everyone is alive! My family is healthy! We still have a useful bathroom and a roof over our heads! Not to mention the killer savings I'm going to get on my Dyson thanks to Passion Parties bonus cheques and my mom! Yeah!
Now all I need is a few more parties to get me through Christmas!
Sigh...
First Dave. Dave's life has changed forever. And so has ours. Dave was a big part of our life and always will be. We will be there for him every step of the way. But still is say What The Fuck... and I'm still left wondering why him?
Next the total bill to fix our son's teeth. Over $2200. Again WHAT THE FUCK. Here I get extremely made at myself for not being more diligent. Yes we brushed his teeth but we hardly flossed them and I still feel like a failure as a mother. But we learn and we change! $2200 fucking later! Thankfully we have coverage! Between Hubby's 80% and my health spending plan we should be able to have the entire amount covered! However we must pay upfront first! Thankfully we have a credit card!
Now the icing on the cake! The pebble that broke the camels back! The one last bit of news that sent me over the moon with frustration. We have to get our plumbing fixed! I don't know how much this is going to cost as we have yet to have an estimator come in but we have been told it could be a few grand!
How so you ask. Well let me tell you... You might want to sit down for this one!
Saturday night I had to pee and hubby was using the bathroom upstairs. So as I'm doing my business I'm thinking how thankful I was for having two toilets in the house at a time like this! Yes. Very thankful! Then I flush and it doesn't go down. Fuck. So I plunge and what starts coming up out of the shower... I'll spare you the details but I'm sure you can imagine! FUCKING HELL!!!
I decide to try and fix this
And how the hell do they get "sags" anyway? I need to Google this shit! Pun intended!
So I lost it inside my head and on Facebook LOL. I also have to say goodbye to saving for my hardwood floors through out our home for at least another few years! AND we do not have a second toilet any more! Which sucks because we have my Dad here for a little bit and then Hubby's mom is coming for Christmas!
What happened to being grateful for things? So what being grateful for a second toilet means it's being taken away? Fuck you!
BUT I have to remember this isn't the end of the world! Everything happens for a reason! Even if I can't see the reason right now. And it always works out in the end!
AND everyone is alive! My family is healthy! We still have a useful bathroom and a roof over our heads! Not to mention the killer savings I'm going to get on my Dyson thanks to Passion Parties bonus cheques and my mom! Yeah!
Now all I need is a few more parties to get me through Christmas!
Sigh...
Friday, November 4, 2011
Everything happens for a reason
I say this often. Everything happens for a reason. There is a lesson in everything. But on a day like today I say WHAT THE FUCK.
How the hell do you find reason in pain and suffering? How the hell do you not ask WHY? How the hell do you not just get so mad at the Universe.
And then what about "Thoughts Becomes Things" and "You Create Your Own Destiny"
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
How do you not question everything?
But again. There is a reason. We may never know that reason but our souls wanted to endure this for whatever reason that is. It's hard. And it's going to get harder.
I am still praying for a Miracle. Please please please please please send us a Miracle.
How the hell do you find reason in pain and suffering? How the hell do you not ask WHY? How the hell do you not just get so mad at the Universe.
And then what about "Thoughts Becomes Things" and "You Create Your Own Destiny"
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
How do you not question everything?
But again. There is a reason. We may never know that reason but our souls wanted to endure this for whatever reason that is. It's hard. And it's going to get harder.
I am still praying for a Miracle. Please please please please please send us a Miracle.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Hold the ones you love close!
My days went from bitching in my head and thinking of a funny bitchy blog post about how Mothers who breastfeed should NOT get sick and my Christmas wish list in honour of my sons constant I WANT THAT (AND I will work on that one day) to praying for a very close friend as he fights for his life!
Promise me please that while you read this you count your blessings! That you will put your ego aside and give thanks and love to everyone and everything. That you stop judging others and what you see. That you will go home and hug your kids and kiss your significant other and tell them that you love them! That you pick up the phone and call your close friends to say and check on them! AND if you know someone single call them! You never know what could happen in 1 second!
Today I'm thankful for my husband, my boys and the rest of my family! I'm very very very thankful for Jen who saved Dave's life! I'm praying that tomorrow we will be working with them on the road to recovery!
I will no long speak of negative what ifs! I will only speak of the power of intention and prayer and miracles!
Every day is a blessing! Every breath is a miracle! Every vision is magic! If you can't change something then change your attitude towards it! Give it LOVE! And never underestimate the power of a hug!
Thank you so much for reading this! Now go share some love!!!!
Promise me please that while you read this you count your blessings! That you will put your ego aside and give thanks and love to everyone and everything. That you stop judging others and what you see. That you will go home and hug your kids and kiss your significant other and tell them that you love them! That you pick up the phone and call your close friends to say and check on them! AND if you know someone single call them! You never know what could happen in 1 second!
Today I'm thankful for my husband, my boys and the rest of my family! I'm very very very thankful for Jen who saved Dave's life! I'm praying that tomorrow we will be working with them on the road to recovery!
I will no long speak of negative what ifs! I will only speak of the power of intention and prayer and miracles!
Every day is a blessing! Every breath is a miracle! Every vision is magic! If you can't change something then change your attitude towards it! Give it LOVE! And never underestimate the power of a hug!
Thank you so much for reading this! Now go share some love!!!!
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
If only I knew better
I feel like a bad mom! I know I'm not but that doesn't make it ok. My 5 year old son has cavities. We took him to get his teeth cleaned and she took an xray and found over 6 of them. Two are bad because we can see them just by looking in!
But get this. He had his teeth checked at school by a Dental Hygienist and they said there were no visible cavities! Ummmm excuse me? I can see one on the bottom. He's got one up top too! WTF If I would have gotten this report prior to taking him to get his teeth cleaned I wouldn't have rushed but because I could see a grey spot on one tooth I made the appointment! I COULD SEE ONE! What the hell were they looking at? Maybe I should change my profession to Dental Hygienist instead of Accountant!
So ok. After my depressing eye and teeth exam for my son and many tears from me at night feeling horrible we get to his appointment to fix one cavity and to make an appointment the week after to do the other one and plan from there! All is good! He's excited! We get there, he sits down! Good good. Get's the freezing gel in his gums! good... Needle goes in.. And... Screaming! Then he refuses to open his mouth! FML We need a specialist! So that should be fun! I have to wait for a place to call me to book an consult in November and hope we can do this before Christmas! It's going to cost us out of pocket and wait for our benefits to pay us back. Hopefully all of it! That all depends on what I have left on mine!
The thing is it's not like we never brushed or flossed his teeth. We just didn't floss enough. She said that over 80% of children have cavities in between the back molars due to lack of flossing. That's it. Simple! Fuck! So now we have a better routine down with school in place! Thank you School!
I also had another mental battle! He's going to lose these teeth! What if our benefits don't cover it all? Our budget is tight. Do we need to do this now?
Here is the research I have found!
"Cavities are the result of a bacterial infection. The infection leads to demineralization of teeth. The demineralization can result in cavities because the enamel is unsupported and collapses. The infection spreads and can cause severe pain and suffering in children. Healthy baby teeth support infant and toddler eating, speech development and establish a healthy environment for permanent teeth that erupt later in life. Healthy baby teeth are also the best space maintainers for permanent teeth" Medicinenet.com
Basically if you can see a dark spot on a tooth it's severe and needs to be taken care off A.S.A.P because it's already in the extreme stages and risks moving down to the roots which are creating a stable route for permanent teeth. If the bacteria decays these routes and these teeth have to be pulled too soon you can risk larger problems with their permanent teeth and costing you more money in the end. Plus also risk a chance that the bacteria can move to those teeth before they even come up! Not good! Yes he's going to lose those teeth but it could be years before that and bacteria spreads in 2 hours on food and counters... I can only imagine how fast it grows in our body! yuck.
So we are taking care of them now sounds a lot better then waiting for them to get worse before they fall out. Which is most likely to happen then them falling out before they get worse!
Here is what you need to do to avoid going through the same thing!
When they get their teeth! Start flossing and brushing twice a day! Get those cool little flossing plastic thingies LOL
At the age of TWO take them to see a dentist and follow their directions! If you have to fix them do it! Do NOT wait! Find a way to pay for it if you are not covered! Their teeth are important!
I feel bad that my Little Mr. is my guinea pig child and I'm learning from him in hopes that my Little man doesn't go through the same thing but aren't all first borns our tester babies? lol
There you have it! My experience thus far with my son and his teeth!
Smile! LOL
But get this. He had his teeth checked at school by a Dental Hygienist and they said there were no visible cavities! Ummmm excuse me? I can see one on the bottom. He's got one up top too! WTF If I would have gotten this report prior to taking him to get his teeth cleaned I wouldn't have rushed but because I could see a grey spot on one tooth I made the appointment! I COULD SEE ONE! What the hell were they looking at? Maybe I should change my profession to Dental Hygienist instead of Accountant!
So ok. After my depressing eye and teeth exam for my son and many tears from me at night feeling horrible we get to his appointment to fix one cavity and to make an appointment the week after to do the other one and plan from there! All is good! He's excited! We get there, he sits down! Good good. Get's the freezing gel in his gums! good... Needle goes in.. And... Screaming! Then he refuses to open his mouth! FML We need a specialist! So that should be fun! I have to wait for a place to call me to book an consult in November and hope we can do this before Christmas! It's going to cost us out of pocket and wait for our benefits to pay us back. Hopefully all of it! That all depends on what I have left on mine!
The thing is it's not like we never brushed or flossed his teeth. We just didn't floss enough. She said that over 80% of children have cavities in between the back molars due to lack of flossing. That's it. Simple! Fuck! So now we have a better routine down with school in place! Thank you School!
I also had another mental battle! He's going to lose these teeth! What if our benefits don't cover it all? Our budget is tight. Do we need to do this now?
Here is the research I have found!
"Cavities are the result of a bacterial infection. The infection leads to demineralization of teeth. The demineralization can result in cavities because the enamel is unsupported and collapses. The infection spreads and can cause severe pain and suffering in children. Healthy baby teeth support infant and toddler eating, speech development and establish a healthy environment for permanent teeth that erupt later in life. Healthy baby teeth are also the best space maintainers for permanent teeth" Medicinenet.com
Basically if you can see a dark spot on a tooth it's severe and needs to be taken care off A.S.A.P because it's already in the extreme stages and risks moving down to the roots which are creating a stable route for permanent teeth. If the bacteria decays these routes and these teeth have to be pulled too soon you can risk larger problems with their permanent teeth and costing you more money in the end. Plus also risk a chance that the bacteria can move to those teeth before they even come up! Not good! Yes he's going to lose those teeth but it could be years before that and bacteria spreads in 2 hours on food and counters... I can only imagine how fast it grows in our body! yuck.
So we are taking care of them now sounds a lot better then waiting for them to get worse before they fall out. Which is most likely to happen then them falling out before they get worse!
Here is what you need to do to avoid going through the same thing!
When they get their teeth! Start flossing and brushing twice a day! Get those cool little flossing plastic thingies LOL
At the age of TWO take them to see a dentist and follow their directions! If you have to fix them do it! Do NOT wait! Find a way to pay for it if you are not covered! Their teeth are important!
I feel bad that my Little Mr. is my guinea pig child and I'm learning from him in hopes that my Little man doesn't go through the same thing but aren't all first borns our tester babies? lol
There you have it! My experience thus far with my son and his teeth!
Smile! LOL
Lessons!
Ah yes lessons! Life is just one big fat freaken lesson! You can either laugh, learn and move on or you can fall apart! I fell apart and am now ready to move on and laugh at myself! I am choosing now to dwell on my stupidity and to never speak of it again. It's done. Over. Past! It's nice knowing I'm not the only one.
I allowed myself to get low over the past few weeks and it's time I snap out of it! I can now see that allowing myself to get low like that is affecting me again and it's showing in what has happened!
So (my gawd I do say so a lot) I'm back to listening to my cd's and saying my mantras! Practice what I preach right!
Happy Wednesday! It's a great day! I have my family!
I allowed myself to get low over the past few weeks and it's time I snap out of it! I can now see that allowing myself to get low like that is affecting me again and it's showing in what has happened!
So (my gawd I do say so a lot) I'm back to listening to my cd's and saying my mantras! Practice what I preach right!
Happy Wednesday! It's a great day! I have my family!
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Why do I do that?
I see something so wonderful for a person and I automatically feel depressed and think... That could have been me? OR Why is that not me? OR That should be me!
I've been so focused on the gym I think I'm forgetting to fill my need to be more social. I'm starting to feel extremely lonely to the point that I feel like I can't even pick up the phone and call someone! There are so many days I wish someone would just stop by with a Timmy's or Starbucks to hang out here! I do get tired of always driving sometimes but then again... Maybe I need to get away from this place more. I think I have more of a social life before I went on mat leave.
Now don't get me wrong. I love my family! I am so thankful for what I have! But there are times where I let myself get envious of those with no children, a great career, money, nice house and a fun life. It takes a lot for me to pull myself in and tell myself that I have so much that other probably want! Two children, a husband, a home, a business and a great job to go back to after! I will get that great career, money and nicer house when I'm done my mat leave!
So why do I let myself get like this? Maybe it's a little bit of the baby blues coming a bit late. Feeling a bit overwhelmed with the entire house hold to run and clean and cook with no help.
I think it's time I go see my best friend so I can hear all about her days and get out of my head for a while!
I've been so focused on the gym I think I'm forgetting to fill my need to be more social. I'm starting to feel extremely lonely to the point that I feel like I can't even pick up the phone and call someone! There are so many days I wish someone would just stop by with a Timmy's or Starbucks to hang out here! I do get tired of always driving sometimes but then again... Maybe I need to get away from this place more. I think I have more of a social life before I went on mat leave.
Now don't get me wrong. I love my family! I am so thankful for what I have! But there are times where I let myself get envious of those with no children, a great career, money, nice house and a fun life. It takes a lot for me to pull myself in and tell myself that I have so much that other probably want! Two children, a husband, a home, a business and a great job to go back to after! I will get that great career, money and nicer house when I'm done my mat leave!
So why do I let myself get like this? Maybe it's a little bit of the baby blues coming a bit late. Feeling a bit overwhelmed with the entire house hold to run and clean and cook with no help.
I think it's time I go see my best friend so I can hear all about her days and get out of my head for a while!
Friday, October 21, 2011
Fear of
There is only a few things I'm scared of. Spiders, bugs, bad drivers, scary movies, clowns, dolls, fires and now death. Of course I would sometimes get a sudden fear of losing my husband or my children and I would do everything I could to think of something else. I would lay in bed and cry myself to sleep some nights just out of pure fear! And the one I haven't thought of yet was me. I have not been afraid of dying because I always felt I would live a long long life and hopefully die in my sleep. Until the other night. I got really scared. What would my family do? How would my husband deal? He doesn't know anything about our son's school and what needs to happen with our baby. Who would help him? Would my MIL move here? What about the house and bills and my debt? I don't even have a Will. I need to get on that. Then I think what if our boys lost both of us? What then?
I hate this. I had to write about it in hopes to get it off my chest and understand these feelings and thoughts. I need to changes these thoughts.
I hate this. I had to write about it in hopes to get it off my chest and understand these feelings and thoughts. I need to changes these thoughts.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Found them!!!!
I'm not picky all all! LOL
If you know me you are laughing out loud right now!
And when it comes to shoes I'm the worst! I am not your typical girl when it comes to shoes! I do not love high healed shoes or anything to frilly! I'm your tom boy boot kind of girl!
I pulled out a pair of boots I've had for years and thought it was time to get a new pair! I didn't know I would have such a hard time finding a pair of boots I would love love love!
I went to almost every store I could think of and nothing! Everything was too girly, heals were too thin or too small and there was no hight on the toe part of the shoe! I'm short! I like a bit of hight but not where I'm standing on my toes!
I was about to give up all hope on this years fashion sense when I finally found them!
My boots! I'm going to have to search for my arch supports as these are not the best supporting boots ever! But that's what I get for $80! I was NOT about to spend over $150 on a pair of boots!
Now all I need to do is protect them and I'm set! I also need to find a good pair of slip on shoes too! That's another challenge! bahaha! wish me luck
If you know me you are laughing out loud right now!
And when it comes to shoes I'm the worst! I am not your typical girl when it comes to shoes! I do not love high healed shoes or anything to frilly! I'm your tom boy boot kind of girl!
I pulled out a pair of boots I've had for years and thought it was time to get a new pair! I didn't know I would have such a hard time finding a pair of boots I would love love love!
I went to almost every store I could think of and nothing! Everything was too girly, heals were too thin or too small and there was no hight on the toe part of the shoe! I'm short! I like a bit of hight but not where I'm standing on my toes!
I was about to give up all hope on this years fashion sense when I finally found them!
Now all I need to do is protect them and I'm set! I also need to find a good pair of slip on shoes too! That's another challenge! bahaha! wish me luck
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
I let them get the best of me
Emotions are a funny thing.
Over the past year I have learned to embrace the "lonely" feeling. Accepting that I am truly not alone and that my thoughts can move mountains if I allow them too! But yesterday I allowed my emotions to get the best of me. I actually felt alone. Really alone. Yet I had both my kids with me and I'm sure if I tried I could have found a friend to come over. But when I get that way. That woe is me kind of way. I have a hard time reaching out. As much as I love seeing people sometimes it's nice to have them come to me! But of course right now I have a slight cold and those I normally see I didn't want to pass it on. I allowed the littlest thought bring me down. I do my best not to cry in front of my son but yesterday I couldn't help it.
So why did allow those thoughts to take over? Why couldn't I stop myself or even laugh at myself for thinking such silly things? Lack of sleep? Lack of help? Busy weekend finally over? Being sick?
I really wanted someone to take over and take care of the house, dinner and me for once! But that's a dream I'll have to keep dreaming.
I never worried about Post-partum Depression this time around. I normally know how to get me out of little funks now. With my first I had major baby blues! I couldn't do much without feeling major fear or breaking down. But this time I can feel the happiness. I can feel the love flow through me! I can think rationally (most of the time) and see other options. Except for yesterday.
Today was a better day! I don't feel alone! Of course we had a busy day. Doctors appointments and then the dentist and of course my attempt to find a new pair of shoes! Ugh. Now that should have made me cry LOL There is NOTHING out there that I like! Stupid! And my son has cavities! Didn't cry! Yeah me! My house isn't such a mess but I did enjoy how clean it was for Thanksgiving!
I guess emotions are all based on Perception! What I perceive to be true or false. Is something worth stressing over or not. This morning I chose to be happy and calm! I thought of my ocean front view safe place!
The rest of the week is going to be busy. Another appointment tomorrow. Gym Friday, Saturday and Sunday morning! Baking a cake, cleaning a house and planning for 7 kids to come over Saturday! (handed out 16 school invites - 2 have rsvp which was part of my sadness yesterday) I think I'll pick up 10 goody bags! And I need to get back to my high veggie and fruit intake too! Damn Thanksgiving stuffing and mashed potatoes! mmmmm
Life is good! And it always gets better! I am allowed a sad day now and again right?
Over the past year I have learned to embrace the "lonely" feeling. Accepting that I am truly not alone and that my thoughts can move mountains if I allow them too! But yesterday I allowed my emotions to get the best of me. I actually felt alone. Really alone. Yet I had both my kids with me and I'm sure if I tried I could have found a friend to come over. But when I get that way. That woe is me kind of way. I have a hard time reaching out. As much as I love seeing people sometimes it's nice to have them come to me! But of course right now I have a slight cold and those I normally see I didn't want to pass it on. I allowed the littlest thought bring me down. I do my best not to cry in front of my son but yesterday I couldn't help it.
So why did allow those thoughts to take over? Why couldn't I stop myself or even laugh at myself for thinking such silly things? Lack of sleep? Lack of help? Busy weekend finally over? Being sick?
I really wanted someone to take over and take care of the house, dinner and me for once! But that's a dream I'll have to keep dreaming.
I never worried about Post-partum Depression this time around. I normally know how to get me out of little funks now. With my first I had major baby blues! I couldn't do much without feeling major fear or breaking down. But this time I can feel the happiness. I can feel the love flow through me! I can think rationally (most of the time) and see other options. Except for yesterday.
Today was a better day! I don't feel alone! Of course we had a busy day. Doctors appointments and then the dentist and of course my attempt to find a new pair of shoes! Ugh. Now that should have made me cry LOL There is NOTHING out there that I like! Stupid! And my son has cavities! Didn't cry! Yeah me! My house isn't such a mess but I did enjoy how clean it was for Thanksgiving!
I guess emotions are all based on Perception! What I perceive to be true or false. Is something worth stressing over or not. This morning I chose to be happy and calm! I thought of my ocean front view safe place!
The rest of the week is going to be busy. Another appointment tomorrow. Gym Friday, Saturday and Sunday morning! Baking a cake, cleaning a house and planning for 7 kids to come over Saturday! (handed out 16 school invites - 2 have rsvp which was part of my sadness yesterday) I think I'll pick up 10 goody bags! And I need to get back to my high veggie and fruit intake too! Damn Thanksgiving stuffing and mashed potatoes! mmmmm
Life is good! And it always gets better! I am allowed a sad day now and again right?
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Happy Thanksgiving
Happy Thanksgiving!
Any holiday that involves cooking a turkey just makes me glow! I'm the type of person that has always wanted my house to be THE house to go to! My mom is a great cook, my grandfather is a great cook! But growing up the TV "family" type of scenario was not always there. I'm an only child with divorced parents and there wasn't a lot of family in town.
Any ways I always dreamed that when I had a family I would make new traditions mixed with old ones I knew growing up and holidays would be at my house! I dream that my sons friend will want to hang out here and when my kids have kids they will come here!
So today I woke up and started cooking!
I cut the onion first and my son was a bit disturbed that I was sobbing at 9am LOL Try and explain that to an almost 5 year old! "Hunny, Onions make your eyes water! So it looks like I'm crying but I'm really not!" Should have taken a photo #facepalm
Turkey is stuffed and seasoned! I use Epicure Turkey seasoning, Salt and Pepper and a shit load of butter! Mmmmmmmmm butter!
My little helper! Dad and big brother went out to get me Starbucks! :D Or as Hubby calls it - "One over priced pretensions cup of coffee!" (by the way I drink Soy Chai! Not coffee! lol )
The start to the veggies and more stuffing! lol
Looking Good! Both my cousin and the Turkey! ;)
My wonderful Husband finally contributing to the dinner! LOL My cousin giving the thumbs up to both a wonderful turkey and hubby actually carving! LOL She carved at Xmas last year LOL So was excited she didn't have to today! (Hmmm over used of LOL?!?)
Come and Get it! :) (Turkey being carved)
I learned to buy paper plates during Holiday! LOL
Dishes 95% complete! Thanks Amanda! :)
And finally my first attempt to making soup! I'll let you know how that goes!
I was talking with my cousins tonight about how I tend to spend to much time dwelling on others. Wishing I was that pretty or that skinny or this and that! And why? Why do I not just look around and embrace what I have because the people I dream over are probably doing the same thing with me! I was also asked to list three things I love about myself. I had to really think because my automatic thoughts are what I don't like! I came up with my eyes (lol), my ability to finally thing more positive (most of the time any ways) and the fact that I have never given in (my strength)! Of course my weight I something I'm not a fan of but the truth is I'm healthy! And I wouldn't fall apart if I didn't reach my 130lbs goal as long as I can look in the mirror and zip up those size 8 jeans! The last 13lbs is pure vanity! You are so right! It is! And I am damn ok with that! I am proud that I can see and know the difference! I want to be able to look in the mirror and love myself! But I'm thankful that I have the ability to even do that! I have a very good life! No I may not live in the best area of town, drive the fanciest car, have the greatest paying job (although I think I'm doing very well and know I will do better) but I'm happy! When it's all said and done I'm happy! Even when I go to bed pissed of at my husband LOL I love him and what we are creating!
I sure hope everyone had/have a great Thanksgiving (And for my US friends next month!) and really put any negative, annoying, petty, pointless issue(s) aside and take a hard long look at what you have accomplished and be thankful! Be proud! Enjoy!
My joy! My three loves! Thank you!
Friday, October 7, 2011
A New World for my Baby!
Today we went to Superstore to pick up Little Mr's first pair of glasses. They had a promo going on where kids ages 4 to 10 got a free pair! Thanks that we saved $120! The funny thing is I went there today thinking I still had to pay $40. When we picked them out last week we got a phone call after saying that his prescription was too high for the free pair but we will still get a major discount. So when it was all said and done and my bill said ZERO I smiled nicely, said thank you and left thanking the Universe as well!
We go in and sit down to try on his glasses for any minor adjustments and when she hands them to me to put them on Little Mr. they were Burgundy!!!!!! Ummm The colour he picked was a copper colour? I do not want to wait another week for the colour to be changed! Thankfully she was able to switch the lenses right there for us! Little Mr. did NOT want burgundy! I didn't blame him LOL I love the colour! Mine are burgundy! But it's not a colour for a 5 year old!
While we were waiting for them to be adjusted to his size we had to go look at toys! He managed to scam a new car out of me! I know his birthday is a week away but I figured for this life changing experience I told him he could get this one car for wearing his glasses all the time!
I managed not to cry as well! My baby looks so different now. I'm very proud of him! He says he can see better now! We have to make another appointment in a month! Hopefully his eyes get better as he gets older! But that's not up to me! I might have to look into better coverage when I go back to work! lol
We go in and sit down to try on his glasses for any minor adjustments and when she hands them to me to put them on Little Mr. they were Burgundy!!!!!! Ummm The colour he picked was a copper colour? I do not want to wait another week for the colour to be changed! Thankfully she was able to switch the lenses right there for us! Little Mr. did NOT want burgundy! I didn't blame him LOL I love the colour! Mine are burgundy! But it's not a colour for a 5 year old!
While we were waiting for them to be adjusted to his size we had to go look at toys! He managed to scam a new car out of me! I know his birthday is a week away but I figured for this life changing experience I told him he could get this one car for wearing his glasses all the time!
I managed not to cry as well! My baby looks so different now. I'm very proud of him! He says he can see better now! We have to make another appointment in a month! Hopefully his eyes get better as he gets older! But that's not up to me! I might have to look into better coverage when I go back to work! lol
Thursday, October 6, 2011
It's still good...
Daycare is closed tomorrow at the gym. This puts a damper in my work out hard before I stuff my face with my yummy turkey dinner!
But that's ok! I did go twice already and I have to go Saturday morning! I'm doing good! Better then I ever have in years! And I have amazing support! That helps so much! My hubby had made me want to be a better person in so many ways! At the end of this month I will be smoke free for 7 years! Of course a big thanks goes out to my old boss Andy and my old room-mate Jen! And with the help of suckers, chocolate covered coffee beans and knitting! But the biggest help. The fact that I started dating a man that did not smoke! The best thing I have ever done! :) Thank you all so much!
7 years! This Thanks Giving I'm thankful for those 7 years! And here's to the rest of my life!
This weekend I plan to take photos of my day in the kitchen and out family event then blog about it monday! Have a great few days and Happy Turkey Turkey Day!
But that's ok! I did go twice already and I have to go Saturday morning! I'm doing good! Better then I ever have in years! And I have amazing support! That helps so much! My hubby had made me want to be a better person in so many ways! At the end of this month I will be smoke free for 7 years! Of course a big thanks goes out to my old boss Andy and my old room-mate Jen! And with the help of suckers, chocolate covered coffee beans and knitting! But the biggest help. The fact that I started dating a man that did not smoke! The best thing I have ever done! :) Thank you all so much!
7 years! This Thanks Giving I'm thankful for those 7 years! And here's to the rest of my life!
This weekend I plan to take photos of my day in the kitchen and out family event then blog about it monday! Have a great few days and Happy Turkey Turkey Day!
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Almost there!!!
I weighted myself wrong the other day. I did it after I worked out! AND today my big number is... 143lbs!
Say WHAT!
Pardon my language here but FUCK YES! lol
I feel so good! I'm 13lbs away from my goal! Which is also 5lbs down from where I was prior to getting pregnant again. I was 128lbs before I got pregnant almost 6 year ago. And I was 135lbs before baby last year. So I'm setting that goal of 130lbs! I want to squash a few of those negative sayings about weight after your second pregnancy!
And of course it's really not easy. I'm craving sandwiches and I did have some pizza! But by not having it every day and choosing wraps over subs also is a big helper!
I didn't get to try Zumba today. I just did 35 min of hard cardio and a few abs. It was a good one! I love that my gym is 3 min away! Makes going there so much easier!
I have 3 more days of classes before my big ass Turkey Dinner! Talk about cutting out bread only to stuff myself with my yummy stuffing! mmmmmmm
Thanksgiving and Christmas are probably my favourite times to cook! I love love love to cook!
Hopefully I don't gain too much over the weekend! :S lol
Say WHAT!
Pardon my language here but FUCK YES! lol
I feel so good! I'm 13lbs away from my goal! Which is also 5lbs down from where I was prior to getting pregnant again. I was 128lbs before I got pregnant almost 6 year ago. And I was 135lbs before baby last year. So I'm setting that goal of 130lbs! I want to squash a few of those negative sayings about weight after your second pregnancy!
And of course it's really not easy. I'm craving sandwiches and I did have some pizza! But by not having it every day and choosing wraps over subs also is a big helper!
I didn't get to try Zumba today. I just did 35 min of hard cardio and a few abs. It was a good one! I love that my gym is 3 min away! Makes going there so much easier!
I have 3 more days of classes before my big ass Turkey Dinner! Talk about cutting out bread only to stuff myself with my yummy stuffing! mmmmmmm
Thanksgiving and Christmas are probably my favourite times to cook! I love love love to cook!
Hopefully I don't gain too much over the weekend! :S lol
Monday, October 3, 2011
My Fun Little Project!
A while ago I came across Sunshine And Carousels Blog. I fell in LOVE!
While reading Erin's blog I seen these beautiful Sunflower Velvet covered Jars! And I thought I want to do that for Thanksgiving! All I need is most of the material and something to put them on! We didn't have place mats until now either!
So off I went to Walmart and Fabric Land! Now mind you my little trip to Walmart cost me $80 :S I intended to buy Sunflowers and Place Mats. I also bought a few jars of starter food for baby to find out what he may like instead of making an entire batch, Fruit, Socks and a few other misc things! Not good Erin! lol anyways I digress.
I found the perfect velvet material in Fabric Land and will be going back there to cover our crappy couches! And on the table it sat for a week.
Today I volunteered at my son's school for their field trip so I asked my mom to watch baby for me! When I got home her was still sleeping so I thought why not do this with my mom!
It was sure interesting! And fun! Now let me tell you! Do NOT follow Erin's instructions to cut and thread LOL Well you can if you want! I tried and it was horrible looking! So of course my mom made fun of me for trying the way the blog said to and was right! hahahaha
All we did was cut our a squarish (i'm not very good at cutting straight) piece. Put the jar in the middle and pulled it up and stuffed it inside and tied the string tight and put the flowers in!
SIMPLE! Mommy was right! :S
I now have a beautiful center piece made by my mom and I! And it was a wonderful project to do with my mom!
I can't wait for Thanksgiving! Turkey Turkey!
While reading Erin's blog I seen these beautiful Sunflower Velvet covered Jars! And I thought I want to do that for Thanksgiving! All I need is most of the material and something to put them on! We didn't have place mats until now either!
So off I went to Walmart and Fabric Land! Now mind you my little trip to Walmart cost me $80 :S I intended to buy Sunflowers and Place Mats. I also bought a few jars of starter food for baby to find out what he may like instead of making an entire batch, Fruit, Socks and a few other misc things! Not good Erin! lol anyways I digress.
I found the perfect velvet material in Fabric Land and will be going back there to cover our crappy couches! And on the table it sat for a week.
Today I volunteered at my son's school for their field trip so I asked my mom to watch baby for me! When I got home her was still sleeping so I thought why not do this with my mom!
It was sure interesting! And fun! Now let me tell you! Do NOT follow Erin's instructions to cut and thread LOL Well you can if you want! I tried and it was horrible looking! So of course my mom made fun of me for trying the way the blog said to and was right! hahahaha
All we did was cut our a squarish (i'm not very good at cutting straight) piece. Put the jar in the middle and pulled it up and stuffed it inside and tied the string tight and put the flowers in!
SIMPLE! Mommy was right! :S
I now have a beautiful center piece made by my mom and I! And it was a wonderful project to do with my mom!
I can't wait for Thanksgiving! Turkey Turkey!
Following Blog
Looking ok...
Ummm this is not looking so good
my mom doing it the "Easy" folding it up way!
Alright! I can deal with that! And it was way easier
Nice!
And for my Martha Stuart moment! Our finished Project! :D
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Take it Off!!!!
Since moving out of my comfort zone and going to those classes at the gym I have lost 4 lbs.
I am 146lbs! Around 36 inches in my mid section. My thighs could be 22 inches. I don't have a proper measuring tape for bodies. Next time I'm at the gym I'll get them to measure me properly and see if I've even lost any inches in the past 2 months. Although I've been more determined and disciplined these past two weeks.
So to help with my drop 20lbs goal I signed up for an extra class on Sundays for the month of October. Minus Turkey Turkey Day! It's called Take It Off. I didn't sweat as much as I did in my step class yesterday but today was more to find out where we are level wise. And it was HARD! But I enjoyed it! I go 3 times a week! Friday, Saturday and Sunday mornings. I might add in Thursday mornings! I have to go this Thursday because we don't have class on Sunday! Mmmmm Turkey! lol
I did indulge a bit this weekend but that is ok. Like I said I am not going to deprive myself. Plus I have to remember I am still breastfeeding. So I can't cut out to much out of my diet. I also need to work on my water intake still LOL. I've increased my fruit intake so I know that's helping a little. I was told today to drink half my weight in oz of water... That's at least 73oz of water a day! That's 5 and a bit of my water glasses a day! I maybe drink 3 glasses (42oz) a day. Today I've had a bit more. So I'm sure if I have two more glasses tonight I'll be fine!
Here are my BEFORE photo's taken by my soon to be professional photographer 5yo son!
I am 146lbs! Around 36 inches in my mid section. My thighs could be 22 inches. I don't have a proper measuring tape for bodies. Next time I'm at the gym I'll get them to measure me properly and see if I've even lost any inches in the past 2 months. Although I've been more determined and disciplined these past two weeks.
So to help with my drop 20lbs goal I signed up for an extra class on Sundays for the month of October. Minus Turkey Turkey Day! It's called Take It Off. I didn't sweat as much as I did in my step class yesterday but today was more to find out where we are level wise. And it was HARD! But I enjoyed it! I go 3 times a week! Friday, Saturday and Sunday mornings. I might add in Thursday mornings! I have to go this Thursday because we don't have class on Sunday! Mmmmm Turkey! lol
I did indulge a bit this weekend but that is ok. Like I said I am not going to deprive myself. Plus I have to remember I am still breastfeeding. So I can't cut out to much out of my diet. I also need to work on my water intake still LOL. I've increased my fruit intake so I know that's helping a little. I was told today to drink half my weight in oz of water... That's at least 73oz of water a day! That's 5 and a bit of my water glasses a day! I maybe drink 3 glasses (42oz) a day. Today I've had a bit more. So I'm sure if I have two more glasses tonight I'll be fine!
Here are my BEFORE photo's taken by my soon to be professional photographer 5yo son!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
I will get past this!
I'm sure there is not one mother out there that like to hear the words "Your child needs ..." What we hear is THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR CHILD. Or at least that's what I hear.
I can not for the life of me stop crying. Get this. Ready. Don't laugh.... GLASSES.
Here's the kicker. I wanted glasses my ENTIRE life! And now I actually need them to see far (Near Sighted) and I only wear them when I drive at night. I love them!
But when it comes to my son I do NOT want him to need them. So I'm going to take him to another Optometrist and will suck it up if I hear the same thing!
I know what I can and can't see. I'm not sure if my son knows how to explain what he see's and really what if his vision is blurry? He probably just thinks it's normal.
I love my baby. I'm scared glasses will put a target on him in school along with his beautiful red hair! Kids are so mean. I hope I'm wrong. I hope he won't have a hard time. I hope he will charm everyone! Because he's such an amazing boy!
So I have come to the conclusion that I'm still postpartum and a complete emotional basket case!
I want what is best for my boys and if they need glasses then they will get them! But I will question it! LOL
I can not for the life of me stop crying. Get this. Ready. Don't laugh.... GLASSES.
Here's the kicker. I wanted glasses my ENTIRE life! And now I actually need them to see far (Near Sighted) and I only wear them when I drive at night. I love them!
But when it comes to my son I do NOT want him to need them. So I'm going to take him to another Optometrist and will suck it up if I hear the same thing!
I know what I can and can't see. I'm not sure if my son knows how to explain what he see's and really what if his vision is blurry? He probably just thinks it's normal.
I love my baby. I'm scared glasses will put a target on him in school along with his beautiful red hair! Kids are so mean. I hope I'm wrong. I hope he won't have a hard time. I hope he will charm everyone! Because he's such an amazing boy!
So I have come to the conclusion that I'm still postpartum and a complete emotional basket case!
I want what is best for my boys and if they need glasses then they will get them! But I will question it! LOL
Friday, September 16, 2011
My Cloth Diaper Reality!
This is where my husband likes to call me a "Tree Hugging Hippy". Along with the fact that I like to recycle, use a Baltic Amber Teething Necklace for our baby, and use other all natural remedies. But really that's about it. So I don't see myself as a hippy rather a Mom trying to do her best for not only her children but the planet as well! Oh and I used to have a 1971 VW Bug! LOL (RIP Pearl)
Over the past 5 years I have changed a lot! I would like to believe that not only have I grown as a person but as a mother as well! My children do come first. If I go out I spend 95% of my money on them. I hardly ever do anything major for me! The biggest thing I've done is joined Passion Parties to help make a little more money and get me the hell out of the house! When my first was around 7 or 8 months old... if that. Gawd I can't remember. Anyways my girlfriend and I sat down and purchased cloth diapers. I tried one kid and hated them so I really wasn't sure I'd like these ones. But they seamed to sell themselves. We purchased FuzziBunz and I love them. My husband however hates them.
Here is where my husband and I have completely different views on things. I would like to save us $427.20 a year on disposables (This assuming each diaper is around $0.15 and us 8 per day --- worst case). I do not mind changing cloth diapers nor to I mind washing them! I do 100% of the kids laundry and change our baby 99% of the time! So really his idea that they are dirty and disgusting doesn't really matter. It annoys me more then anything. My reality is I have no extra money in my budget for anything but my expenses. I can not buy food, clothes, diapers, toys, makeup, pads, toothpaste, wipes, shampoo, detergent... the list goes on. I depend on my husband to provide all funds for those needs. My only saving grace is any Passion money I have made that month. I only plan to work one party a month anyway so I can spend the majority of my time with my boys before having to go back to work full time. And that might give me $200! My team on a good month is close to $300 or more but our summer has been slow for some! Me! I have hit my goals and exceeded them! But that money can not be added to my budget! Truth if he no longer wants me to use them then he can go out and purchase all the diapers in the world for me to use! He just can't forget about garbage day on Wednesday or give me a hard time when I say we need food or other items! :)
This is the first time I've used diapers with a baby. It can be a bit messy and the stains. I need to figure out if I can use this Shaklee stuff I have. But other then that it's not a big deal!
I am proud to be a "Tree Hugging Hippy" and will continue to do what I can to make our world a better place!
Over the past 5 years I have changed a lot! I would like to believe that not only have I grown as a person but as a mother as well! My children do come first. If I go out I spend 95% of my money on them. I hardly ever do anything major for me! The biggest thing I've done is joined Passion Parties to help make a little more money and get me the hell out of the house! When my first was around 7 or 8 months old... if that. Gawd I can't remember. Anyways my girlfriend and I sat down and purchased cloth diapers. I tried one kid and hated them so I really wasn't sure I'd like these ones. But they seamed to sell themselves. We purchased FuzziBunz and I love them. My husband however hates them.
Here is where my husband and I have completely different views on things. I would like to save us $427.20 a year on disposables (This assuming each diaper is around $0.15 and us 8 per day --- worst case). I do not mind changing cloth diapers nor to I mind washing them! I do 100% of the kids laundry and change our baby 99% of the time! So really his idea that they are dirty and disgusting doesn't really matter. It annoys me more then anything. My reality is I have no extra money in my budget for anything but my expenses. I can not buy food, clothes, diapers, toys, makeup, pads, toothpaste, wipes, shampoo, detergent... the list goes on. I depend on my husband to provide all funds for those needs. My only saving grace is any Passion money I have made that month. I only plan to work one party a month anyway so I can spend the majority of my time with my boys before having to go back to work full time. And that might give me $200! My team on a good month is close to $300 or more but our summer has been slow for some! Me! I have hit my goals and exceeded them! But that money can not be added to my budget! Truth if he no longer wants me to use them then he can go out and purchase all the diapers in the world for me to use! He just can't forget about garbage day on Wednesday or give me a hard time when I say we need food or other items! :)
This is the first time I've used diapers with a baby. It can be a bit messy and the stains. I need to figure out if I can use this Shaklee stuff I have. But other then that it's not a big deal!
I am proud to be a "Tree Hugging Hippy" and will continue to do what I can to make our world a better place!
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