I Belong Here!!

For a long time I've struggled with belonging! Fitting in. Finding my own. Feeling welcome and loved! People tell me that I have then amazing energy that they are drawn too and yet I to this day have a hard time seeing it! I feel alone a lot and I am working on embracing this time to find myself! But sometimes that emptiness doesn't go away! No woe is me shit! Just trying to figure out what it is that makes me feel this way! 

I like what I do! I like my job and my business! Earlier this year I joined a group to push myself further. I was on a roll but then my thoughts got the best of me. Or was it the fact that I went back to work. That could have something to do with it! 

Ever since April I've been feeling overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with work, with my business and especially overwhelmed with my home! I feel like I'm the only one doing everything! Planning, organizing, cleaning, cooking, bathing... and the list goes on! Every stay at home mom/dad knows what this list looks like! BUT I WORK TOO. Not to mention a new routine is about to start and I'm sure there's going to be nothing but complaints! But what more can I do before I fall off completely?

This summer has been all about time management, figuring out what I want and what I need to do to get there. And not letting the best of me get me down! Stopping that voice inside my head from convincing me that I am not worth it or I am not good enough for anything better. Better job, more money, better car, better lifestyle. That hot purple dress on True Blood last night! And the body to make that dress look even more sexy on me! 

I was pretty close to shutting down and walking away actually. Like I've done in the past. Push it all away. When I start shutting down on things or people it's hard to get myself back. All I really need is a friend but everyone I know has so much on the go already I'm scared to ask for a shoulder! I feel like a bad friend as it is because I'm so busy with my own life and my own issues. A few weeks ago I signed up for this amazing training weekend! Booked two days off work and hung out with a bunch of amazing people who were doing the same thing I do every day. Live! And work their business! I wanted this to change something in me. I was crossing my fingers it would be better then the others I've attended! And it was! 

It wasn't until this past weekend that I truly felt I belonged somewhere. And it wasn't until that weekend where I finally realized like a lot of people in that room Friday afternoon that "I AM A BIG DAMN DEAL!" I deserve it all! Support, Love, Success, Fun, Friends!

We learned a lot about going back to the basics. I'm trying to do that with everything! Today is the first day of my entire life and I can only move forward one step at a time! Making sure I find that system that works with all aspects of my life! Family, Work, Business and Me time! Making goals and not being afraid of the Infinite Possibilities out there! And of course learning how to promote products and just plain have fun and go for it all!  

I finally thought that Passion is where I am meant to be! It's my thing! It's where I can go when I'm feeling down or need a friend, a hug or just a plain kick in the ass! There's no fear there! Just pure love and support! It's where lives change! People grow! Magic happens! 

I know deep in my heart that I belong here! I am a big damn deal! 

Back to School

Tomorrow my son goes back to school. Grade 1! Yes tomorrow as he's in a year round school.

And I'm crying. I'm scared. I'm excited. I'm every emotion! 

You would think these feelings would have gone away after going through Kindergarten?

My son is very compassionate! As much as he does his own thing he does tend to follow as well. This of course is part of learning! That I know. But last year he was drawn to a few kids that bug the shit out of me! And they weren't even 6 yet! How the hell am I going to make it through life with two boys if I can hardly make it through one grade of palm to face type children? I'm scared because I hope that he doesn't get hurt! I hope he doesn't run into any bullies and doesn't feel left out! I felt left out a lot in school. I know I probably brought that on myself but I can remember feeling that as far back as grade 1! I want him to feel like he has close friends and that he will never be alone! 

I am excited because I know he's going to meet new people! He's going to learn so much more over the year and have new experiences that we at home can not give him! I'm excited to finally get back into another routine even if I have to yell and scream at my husband to get with the program and help me! 

I also pray it will help me us keep up with the house work! Get the boys helping more with chores - Laundry, dishes, toys and general tiding up! I'm still feeling overwhelmed with housework! I think I need to just give in to the fact that this is it! If it hasn't changed yet why the hell am I trying to make it change.

I'm crying because my son is growing up. Always. Daily. Never ending. Which means I'm also getting older. OMG... Time needs to slow the fuck DOWN. 

Here's to another school year full of amazing new adventures! 

Thankful Thursday

Today I am thankful for:

My Husband! He works hard during the week to make sure our bills get paid! He works even harder on the weekends to make sure he keeps his passion and his dream alive! I have so much respect for him because of that! It's not often you meet someone doing what they love!

My Boys! They are my pride and joy! They are the reason I keep moving forward! They give me strength and courage! They have shown me that unconditional love is true and that nothing else matter except for love and happiness! And that even a plain old box can bring such joy and creativity!

My Parents! This one is a long time coming! We have never had a traditional relationship! My parents divorced when I was 2. My dad was hardly around and my mom had her own problems! But that being said today I'm very thankful we have been given the oportunity to be together again! They have been very helpful with the boys and that means the world to me!

I'm thankful that these 5 people surround my daily life helping me grow and move forward! Teaching me every day to love the little things and not worry about what I can not change!

Thank you!

What are you Thankful for Today?...