Trying, Changing, Loving

"If you want something you have never had, you must do something you've never done." KJ

This has to be one of the wisest sayings I have ever heard! And scariest!

I have been feeling change coming for a long time. It feels like a light energy wave circling my body. Instinct.

My life has been a constant moon cycle over the years. An unhealthy dance. I would ask for help and support. I would see a little change and then like clock work old habits would start to settle back in. It was an evil game of chess for egos. And I was tired. Unhappy. And well ready for change! For better! I deserved amazing! And I knew that! I was told I had set my standards too high. I disagreed. To who's standards should I set them too? Yours? You don't live my life. So why should I settle? I always get what I want when I need it! And I stuck to my standards!

I started shaking the foundation of my current life. Not always in a positive way but in the only way I knew how at that moment. I got hurt and I needed to heal and learn to move past the past! I wanted to be hopeful but how many times can you give in until there's nothing left to be hopeful for?

I build this massive wall, book a vacation and left! 10 days of tears and anger and confusion. Of figuring out what it is I.. ME.. truly wanted for ME and of course my boys! I had a lot of people give good advice, great advice, bad advice and selfish advice! And I took it all in. But in the end I felt I had to say what I really didn't want to say but knew deep down it would bring what I always wanted! And I was right!

This experience has taught me to be honest with myself. Only I know what I need to do for me. People may think they know but they don't. They can only live for themselves. I know I still have a long road ahead of growth but I can finally say that I tired, I changed, and I have love, support and help! And my family is stronger for it! Healthier! Happy!

"Say what you mean, and mean what you say" E. Simm (aka Papa)

Cheers to the future and maintaining this healthy step! Learning to battle the storms together with love!

"All you need IS love" Beatles.

Mid Vacation Ponder

Vancouver & Victoria have been nice. But I still have a lot of sitting in silence to do. I'm entering a new space in this journey and I'm scared! I'm doing my best to take all the information The Universe is giving me and processing it on my own! Listening to your heart is hard! My head and my heart are still in constant battle. My time alone has brought me tears, pain, questions and... Answers. I'm just not to sure tho. 

Anywho we will be doing a few things in downtown Victoria tomorrow and heading back to Vancouver. Taking my boys to the aquarium & a bridge thingy lol I'm not looking forward to going home. Part of me wishes we could stay in Victoria longer. Yes that's the part of me that would just rather run away than face the truth of my emotions and feelings. But that can't happen! We drive back Saturday! I have a lot of photos to go through and share on my blog! I've already posted a few on Instagram! 

Have a great Tuesday night!