Would you could you write something...

I have a dream where I am sitting on a deck, looking out at the ocean, drinking tea and writing. I used to write poems all the time. I had a big binder full of them once. I was however stupid and left them at a guys house to look through to start writing songs when I was in a band for oh maybe a summer! Stupid stupid stupid. But what can you do. I've also never thought I'd have anything good to say. Who am I really? Why would people think what I would write would be interesting or important. The reality is I could. And someone would. Hell I'm sure I could write about my past, about being a mom, about how to keep your baby happy, how to entertain a 5 year old and the best of them all... How to keep your sanity while your husband works on promoting his band! :D

While I was reading last night it said to ask yourself what is hurting you. The first thing that popped into my head what my job that is waiting for me when I go back. So random because I've been gone for 4 months. It's not that it's horrible. I just feel I'm worth more. I deserve more.

The truth is I have never believed in myself. I've never believed I was worth anything. I would like something and try something but would give up the second it got hard. I gave into laziness. I never embraced anything growing up. I tried a lot of things but never fully went for it. How sad is that? Even now I struggle with that. I live my life in Fear! Am I good enough? Would it really be better at a different place? Will I ever make more money so I can actually live without stressing? Can I work one job instead of two to not drown in debt?

I  have so many ideas running through my head and what I would maybe like to be when I grow up. Could I be an author? A Life Coach? Full time Passion Consultant? Controller? Full time MOM?

I have a feeling life is taking me down a new path with new people and all I have to do is embrace it! And as much as I enjoy breastfeeding my beautiful baby boy I'm really excited for him to not be fully depended on me so I can embrace more of an outside world.

I'm kinda tired of feeling stuck in one place! Don't get me wrong. I have embraced my life. Learned to appreciate all that I have. Learned to stop looking around thinking something is missing. Because nothing is missing. I have everything I've ever wanted.

So as I sit here writing this I'm wondering what more is out there for me? What more can I do? What more can I have? All at the same time as being thankful for what I already have!

That was hard! Learning to be satisfied! But well worth it. And learning to believe I can do anything...