Why I'm taking a break from Social Media!

Your Thoughts along with your Actions create your Reality! This I know to be true!

Lately I have been struggling to play a balancing act with my thoughts and emotions. I haven't been able to fully get a grasp on them. My actions have been what is required to get through my day. However my outcome says other wise. I guess I have to go over and above the requirement to get what I want. Or what I thought I wanted.

I'm struggling with that as well! What the hell do I... ME... want?

What does my IDEAL life look like?

I really don't know.

Ideally my dream has always been that SMB would be more successful by now. Fame wise. They are extremely successful locally. Just come look at my calender and hear how people rave about them! They are by far the most talented, entertaining band in the city! BUT I can not manifest where SMB goes. THAT is not my dream. THAT is something those boys have to sit down and envision together! If they do not all have the same vision for the band or even if Steve doesn't have a clear vision for himself, then it's going to be what it is today. A local successful working band! So I need to accept that and change my dream!

Lately I've been toying with the idea to try and replace Steve's income with my day job and Passion. But that would take a few years. And I'm not to sure if I want to work that much. I'm not to sure I want to do that many parties. Now that I'm back at work I don't want to go out every weekend. I want to be able to have dinner with my boys and attempt to watch a movie and then go to bed early! lol But then again I would be giving up something I signed up for to have as my own. Something that was mine. Something I could schedule around. And the best part of it is that it's always there for me! Whether I choose to work one party a month or 8+. It's mine!

So back to me working my ass off to figure out my want and ideal life...

I want financial freedom first. What am I doing to get this. Well I was booking a crap load of parties until my thoughts and emotions got the best of me. Until now. So I need to figure that out again. Crunch numbers. Make a plan starting from what I would ideally want to make each month and work backwards. What steps do I need to take to get this!

I want to renovate my house and then be able to move into a detached home!! This takes money! See above plan to help with this plan! LOL

I want to travel and take my boys on vacation! Again... money! I've already saved for my trip to Vegas next year! Now to save for something for the boys! Disney World in 5 years! I want Jaden to appreciate it too!

I want a bigger vehicle which I already blogged about calling it my Compelling Vision (which I think I need to change, compelling vision wise not car wise).

I want to be able to spend more time with my husband and boys outside of the house! Day trips, date night, movies, camping! SOMETHING!

For Mothers Day I'm diging up my yard and starting a garden! It better be nice out! Ethan wants to help me too!

And I want and NEED some ME time! To sit alone and ponder! Really. I have been fantasising about taking off to some meditation camp on the other side of the world for a month alone! Eat, Pray, Love style! I also need to get my ass back on schedule with the gym. Ugh

Right now when I look at my life I see complete chaos. My car, my office desk, my house, my thoughts! CHAOS! Even this post seems a bit chaotic. I need help organizing it all! <---- This here is me ASKING for help! HELP!

So along with my financial planning, I am creating a time management sheet! I have also decided to take a 5 day break from Social Media! Which I may extend or not go on as much! I need this! I need a cleanse. I need a break from life! I have so much thinking, yelling, crying and laughing to do with myself to find an inch of sanity before I lose my mind or my family completely! Nothing else matters more to me then my family! That is what comes first and if I have to take a break from other things I originally signed up for then that's what I'm going to do! Until I feel confident in my life, relationship and work the rest can wait! People can call me and come see me! But I'm turning inwards for now!