Say goodbye to baby stuff

Well it's official. All of the baby stuff is gone. Minus maybe the odd toy or misc item lost in the chaos of our basement. I know I'm done having children. Maybe. Ok so I'm not 100% sure but I know having another child right now would not be smart. I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. The financially strapped, diaper changing, sleepless night tunnel! 

So why am I so blood sad? All I did last night was cry. All I wanted to do today was cry. All I want to do right now is cry. 

It's gone. But it's not like if we ever did happen to get pregnant again we couldn't get it all back! 

Lately I have been faced with having to let go of things and move on. But it's hard for me. I make things so bloody hard. I feel extremely alone yet I don't even want to reach out. Even right now I want to desperately sob in my husbands arms yet I'm not reaching out. I'm holding it in. Waiting for my next shower to let it all out! 

Why is letting go so hard when you really want to look forward to the future? I am so excited to spend every moment possible enjoying the next stages of my children! Life is easier now. Less to worry about or maintain. I love how my oldest is so helpful and we can do so much more with him now. Our youngest is just starting the potty training stages so I'm stressed out about that. About how stubborn he is and how difficult he's being. But I also know it's not going to last. So I'm trying to step back & not push yet still gently encourage him. 

So I apologize for not being my usually bubbly, positive self everyone says I am and counts on. I'm going to take a few days to morn the end of the baby stage here! 😭