People come in and out of your life for a reason. I accept who I am and who I am becoming and I accept that it may no long include people from my past. I can not control others perceptions. But I will say this. Do not take my lack of being the upfront kind of friend you may feel I should be without stating so personally! Just like I have learned and am still learning, you can not assume people around you are mind readers! If you need me I will be there! But you must say so! That's just who I am! I will drop my life for my friends! Even those I haven't spoken to in years if they call me needed someone! I love you all! But I am not the kind of person to go out of my way blindly. That's because I have in the past and I got burned. And I have learned in my past to not focus so much on those who drain me. I can't blame them for that. It's just knowing what I can and can not handle. My intentions in life are not to offend people. Especially friends. So please if you want to go for coffee... CALL ME. If you think I'm being to selfish by working too much... PICK UP THE PHONE AND TELL ME. Because I will most likely be sitting on my own couch watching TV on a Saturday Night if I do not have a party! Or in bed early. I love sleep!
Years ago I made a conscious decision to step back from a friendship I felt was draining. And today I think it ended. But that doesn't mean I didn't care about her. I just couldn't be there for her. I'm sad but I'm also alright with this. Because of my decision years ago. I hope she finds the person she needs to be her true friend. I'm sorry I just couldn't be that for her.
I'm working on building a tribe that is supportive and positive and full of amazing spiritual people. I know that will take time. First I need to work on me! Because ME hasn't been a priority for a long time! I hope that those of you who know me will stay with me on my journey! And I thank those who have stood by me through everything! Even when I loose touch with reality and fall deep. But I feel I'm finally finding me. Finally loving me!
So please be patient with me if you are in my life at this moment! If you hear from me once in a blue moon, know that you still hold a place dear in my heart. If you are reading this and we haven't spoken in years. Don't take it personally. I may just be stupid and lost touch so send me a message! Say hi! I don't call when I should and I don't always send emails or messages when I should! I know this about me! I know that if we are meant to be in each others lives that you will understand this about me too!
Thank you! And I love you!
Monday, October 21, 2013
Friday, October 18, 2013
Detox Prep
My husband and I have decided to do a cleanse together! I've been wanting to do one for a long time but fear got in the way! I LOVE food! The not so good for you food! When I was on mat leave I started eating healthier and working out 5 days a week! Yeah me! And then.... I started working again. I have been inconsistent with myself since. Making excuses. Filling up my schedule. Eating poorly again. I've heard great things about the Wild Rose Detox! So I picked it up!
However my oldest turned 7 yesterday. We have been baking cookies, eating pumpkin pancakes and ice cream cake.... oh and this weekend... Pizza and cupcakes!!!!! Oh my! Mmmmmm
I googled recipes acceptable for the cleanse! WOW! I love most of the food you are allowed to eat! Why have I not been this creative before? I am now looking forward to this!
We have also tried to fit in Insanity videos during the week! It's hit or miss but at least we are trying! My other goal is to start walking up the 7 flights of stairs I have at my work during the day! My shoes are currently still in my car and I don't have socks! LOL I know. I know... Excuses!
Tomorrow is Chuck E Cheese birthday party and Sunday is shopping day! I hope you all have a great weekend.
Happy Friday Everyone! :)
However my oldest turned 7 yesterday. We have been baking cookies, eating pumpkin pancakes and ice cream cake.... oh and this weekend... Pizza and cupcakes!!!!! Oh my! Mmmmmm
I googled recipes acceptable for the cleanse! WOW! I love most of the food you are allowed to eat! Why have I not been this creative before? I am now looking forward to this!
We have also tried to fit in Insanity videos during the week! It's hit or miss but at least we are trying! My other goal is to start walking up the 7 flights of stairs I have at my work during the day! My shoes are currently still in my car and I don't have socks! LOL I know. I know... Excuses!
Tomorrow is Chuck E Cheese birthday party and Sunday is shopping day! I hope you all have a great weekend.
Happy Friday Everyone! :)
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Feeling Defeated
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Deep breath. Try not to cry. Remember what you have learned over the years.
Yet that hollow, painful feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you decide to look into an option of change. FEAR. That. Right now is what I'm feeling. And this fear is always wrapped around finances!
I'm a mother of two. I have a mortgage to pay. Other debt to manage. A life to care for. We are a dual working family. We can not live on one income. Calgary just doesn't allow that. Past choices doesn't allow that. I want to change THAT!
So I thought the best way to look into my potential career change is to volunteer. Over the past three weeks I have applied to every location I can think of, asked friends for advice and nothing. I haven't had a single phone call back. I just want to help, to learn, to see. Of course I want to better myself. I want better for myself. For as long as I can remember I have always wanted to help people. But I never had the confidence or the belief in myself to go there. Now at 30 I'm wondering why the hell I didn't do this sooner. Why didn't I feel this major pull sooner. Now at 30 my options are harder to work around. And I don't even know if I could even get into a course. What if I'm not smart enough? What if I need to do more upgrading? fear, fear, fear, fear..... GRRRRRRRRRR
Deep Breath...
Release...
Ok. So. How do I do this? Where do I start? One step at a time. Baby steps.
Has anyone been in my position? How did you get around this? Because right now all I can see is my fear and my only other option is to win the lotto which I never buy a ticket for! HA! Fudge.
Well it's not that bad. I'm just having a woe is me moment! Twirling around my habitual chaos!
I will get over this soon! I will research out my options! I will call people for guidance! If this is something I am truly passionate about and will actually look into I have just under a year to plan!
I have time! But I'm also impatient!
I pray that I can teach my boys to have full confidence in their abilities! To go after their dreams when they are younger! Before they settle with a family! lol
But for now I'm feeling defeated. Stuck.
Deep breath. Try not to cry. Remember what you have learned over the years.
Yet that hollow, painful feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you decide to look into an option of change. FEAR. That. Right now is what I'm feeling. And this fear is always wrapped around finances!
I'm a mother of two. I have a mortgage to pay. Other debt to manage. A life to care for. We are a dual working family. We can not live on one income. Calgary just doesn't allow that. Past choices doesn't allow that. I want to change THAT!
So I thought the best way to look into my potential career change is to volunteer. Over the past three weeks I have applied to every location I can think of, asked friends for advice and nothing. I haven't had a single phone call back. I just want to help, to learn, to see. Of course I want to better myself. I want better for myself. For as long as I can remember I have always wanted to help people. But I never had the confidence or the belief in myself to go there. Now at 30 I'm wondering why the hell I didn't do this sooner. Why didn't I feel this major pull sooner. Now at 30 my options are harder to work around. And I don't even know if I could even get into a course. What if I'm not smart enough? What if I need to do more upgrading? fear, fear, fear, fear..... GRRRRRRRRRR
Deep Breath...
Release...
Ok. So. How do I do this? Where do I start? One step at a time. Baby steps.
Has anyone been in my position? How did you get around this? Because right now all I can see is my fear and my only other option is to win the lotto which I never buy a ticket for! HA! Fudge.
Well it's not that bad. I'm just having a woe is me moment! Twirling around my habitual chaos!
I will get over this soon! I will research out my options! I will call people for guidance! If this is something I am truly passionate about and will actually look into I have just under a year to plan!
I have time! But I'm also impatient!
I pray that I can teach my boys to have full confidence in their abilities! To go after their dreams when they are younger! Before they settle with a family! lol
But for now I'm feeling defeated. Stuck.
My photo to help move me from hopeless to hopeful!
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Wordless Wednesday's October 9th
Moments with my 2 year old!
Searching for toys! Then refusing to clean up!
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
The Dreaded Season of Sickness
It's that time of year again! Kids are back in school. Weather is changing and .... the dreaded Cold and Flu season is upon us!
I get 4 sick days a year. 4! That's it! Are you kidding me? I have kids! 4 is just not enough. BUT because of who I am I manage to save them for the end of the year! I will come to work sick in order to be sent home so I don't have to use them through out the year! I'm also blessed that if I do get sick it usually happens around my weekends. If you can call that a blessing! ha! sigh.
My boss and I were just talking about people who are consistently late for work or call in sick all the time and how we both don't understand how they can be like that. I felt guilty saying I couldn't make it to work when Calgary was flooding! Seriously Erin? WTF. My boss says the same thing. There's that guilt the takes over when you all in. But I also know that if I call in sick my job will not get done so it's just hell going back.
I am very lucky that I can depend on my dad now to help. Both my kids were recently sick. I would have needed 8 or more sick days to care for them these past few weeks. Steve and I take half days to care for the boys if we can't depend on my dad. Thankfully we are able to do that!
Then of course because your family is sick what happens? You get it because you are not sleeping and constantly being used as a snot rag. Ugh.
Over the years I have Googled natural remedies for colds and whatnot. Sore throat - Gargle cayenne pepper. Add honey to your coffee and brew it with cinnamon. Try taking Oil of Oregano for a while. Colloidal Silver spray can help keep it at bay. Peppermint, spicy foods, soups, water, water and more water. Ginger tea. and last seeing your chiropractor. Which recently I haven't done because A. he moved and B. I spent what little spending money I have on the above remedies saving my health spending for dental and eye exams!
So every morning and every night I sit and list my blessings. I say thanks for our health even when I feel like a sac of shit! I'm trying to lie to myself! I FEEL FANTASTIC! Yeah not really.
We are Lysoling (New Word of the Season) our entire house. I'm dreaming up a sanitizing kids spray system schools can install in the doorways so ass they walk threw all their kid germs will not be brought home! I know some germs are good but they just don't wash their hands long enough.
I wonder if that onion story is true? Should I put unpeeled onions around my house?
What are you doing to avoid this dreaded season?
I get 4 sick days a year. 4! That's it! Are you kidding me? I have kids! 4 is just not enough. BUT because of who I am I manage to save them for the end of the year! I will come to work sick in order to be sent home so I don't have to use them through out the year! I'm also blessed that if I do get sick it usually happens around my weekends. If you can call that a blessing! ha! sigh.
My boss and I were just talking about people who are consistently late for work or call in sick all the time and how we both don't understand how they can be like that. I felt guilty saying I couldn't make it to work when Calgary was flooding! Seriously Erin? WTF. My boss says the same thing. There's that guilt the takes over when you all in. But I also know that if I call in sick my job will not get done so it's just hell going back.
I am very lucky that I can depend on my dad now to help. Both my kids were recently sick. I would have needed 8 or more sick days to care for them these past few weeks. Steve and I take half days to care for the boys if we can't depend on my dad. Thankfully we are able to do that!
Then of course because your family is sick what happens? You get it because you are not sleeping and constantly being used as a snot rag. Ugh.
Over the years I have Googled natural remedies for colds and whatnot. Sore throat - Gargle cayenne pepper. Add honey to your coffee and brew it with cinnamon. Try taking Oil of Oregano for a while. Colloidal Silver spray can help keep it at bay. Peppermint, spicy foods, soups, water, water and more water. Ginger tea. and last seeing your chiropractor. Which recently I haven't done because A. he moved and B. I spent what little spending money I have on the above remedies saving my health spending for dental and eye exams!
So every morning and every night I sit and list my blessings. I say thanks for our health even when I feel like a sac of shit! I'm trying to lie to myself! I FEEL FANTASTIC! Yeah not really.
We are Lysoling (New Word of the Season) our entire house. I'm dreaming up a sanitizing kids spray system schools can install in the doorways so ass they walk threw all their kid germs will not be brought home! I know some germs are good but they just don't wash their hands long enough.
I wonder if that onion story is true? Should I put unpeeled onions around my house?
What are you doing to avoid this dreaded season?
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| Picture from Google! I love Google |
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Trying, Changing, Loving
"If you want something you have never had, you must do something you've never done." KJ
This has to be one of the wisest sayings I have ever heard! And scariest!
I have been feeling change coming for a long time. It feels like a light energy wave circling my body. Instinct.
My life has been a constant moon cycle over the years. An unhealthy dance. I would ask for help and support. I would see a little change and then like clock work old habits would start to settle back in. It was an evil game of chess for egos. And I was tired. Unhappy. And well ready for change! For better! I deserved amazing! And I knew that! I was told I had set my standards too high. I disagreed. To who's standards should I set them too? Yours? You don't live my life. So why should I settle? I always get what I want when I need it! And I stuck to my standards!
I started shaking the foundation of my current life. Not always in a positive way but in the only way I knew how at that moment. I got hurt and I needed to heal and learn to move past the past! I wanted to be hopeful but how many times can you give in until there's nothing left to be hopeful for?
I build this massive wall, book a vacation and left! 10 days of tears and anger and confusion. Of figuring out what it is I.. ME.. truly wanted for ME and of course my boys! I had a lot of people give good advice, great advice, bad advice and selfish advice! And I took it all in. But in the end I felt I had to say what I really didn't want to say but knew deep down it would bring what I always wanted! And I was right!
This experience has taught me to be honest with myself. Only I know what I need to do for me. People may think they know but they don't. They can only live for themselves. I know I still have a long road ahead of growth but I can finally say that I tired, I changed, and I have love, support and help! And my family is stronger for it! Healthier! Happy!
"Say what you mean, and mean what you say" E. Simm (aka Papa)
Cheers to the future and maintaining this healthy step! Learning to battle the storms together with love!
"All you need IS love" Beatles.
This has to be one of the wisest sayings I have ever heard! And scariest!
I have been feeling change coming for a long time. It feels like a light energy wave circling my body. Instinct.
My life has been a constant moon cycle over the years. An unhealthy dance. I would ask for help and support. I would see a little change and then like clock work old habits would start to settle back in. It was an evil game of chess for egos. And I was tired. Unhappy. And well ready for change! For better! I deserved amazing! And I knew that! I was told I had set my standards too high. I disagreed. To who's standards should I set them too? Yours? You don't live my life. So why should I settle? I always get what I want when I need it! And I stuck to my standards!
I started shaking the foundation of my current life. Not always in a positive way but in the only way I knew how at that moment. I got hurt and I needed to heal and learn to move past the past! I wanted to be hopeful but how many times can you give in until there's nothing left to be hopeful for?
I build this massive wall, book a vacation and left! 10 days of tears and anger and confusion. Of figuring out what it is I.. ME.. truly wanted for ME and of course my boys! I had a lot of people give good advice, great advice, bad advice and selfish advice! And I took it all in. But in the end I felt I had to say what I really didn't want to say but knew deep down it would bring what I always wanted! And I was right!
This experience has taught me to be honest with myself. Only I know what I need to do for me. People may think they know but they don't. They can only live for themselves. I know I still have a long road ahead of growth but I can finally say that I tired, I changed, and I have love, support and help! And my family is stronger for it! Healthier! Happy!
"Say what you mean, and mean what you say" E. Simm (aka Papa)
Cheers to the future and maintaining this healthy step! Learning to battle the storms together with love!
"All you need IS love" Beatles.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Mid Vacation Ponder
Vancouver & Victoria have been nice. But I still have a lot of sitting in silence to do. I'm entering a new space in this journey and I'm scared! I'm doing my best to take all the information The Universe is giving me and processing it on my own! Listening to your heart is hard! My head and my heart are still in constant battle. My time alone has brought me tears, pain, questions and... Answers. I'm just not to sure tho.
Anywho we will be doing a few things in downtown Victoria tomorrow and heading back to Vancouver. Taking my boys to the aquarium & a bridge thingy lol I'm not looking forward to going home. Part of me wishes we could stay in Victoria longer. Yes that's the part of me that would just rather run away than face the truth of my emotions and feelings. But that can't happen! We drive back Saturday! I have a lot of photos to go through and share on my blog! I've already posted a few on Instagram!
Have a great Tuesday night!
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