Refreshing!

I have NO idea how many times I've gone to the gym but I have lost 4 lbs! I'm 146. Can I subtract my milk filled boobs and say I've lost 5? Does that count LOL I liked my dad's scale better! It said I was 140. What about my shoes? Can I take another pound off for them? So really 6 lbs? No? hahaha

I like how I think! Either way I am feeling a lot better! I try not to focus on the pounds per say. More about how my clothes are fitting. And right now a few of my jeans are starting to get loose! Very nice!

I got up today around 7:20. Fed my baby, got my little man up for school and made breakfast and his lunch! He was super excited until he was standing in his line and I said goodbye to him there. He wanted me to come in the class with him. Part of me wants to hold his hand through this but the other side of me wants to toughen him up and get him used to me not being able to drop him off when I'm back at work. Lets just say when he started to cry I had to bite my tongue to keep from crying too! I miss him. More so now then when I worked. What's it going to be like leaving both kids next April?

After that I went to the gym! Had a great sweaty work out! I really wanted a smoothy so I went to Jugo Juice and got their raspberry one with some spinach added. It was good! I think I'll have to pick up some ingredients to make my own when we get back from BC.

So now I'm all showered and ready to get this place organized for our trip. Baby is sleeping! It's so quiet.

I'm very refreshed and happy! Losing weight is so easy! Feeling good is so easy! :)

I feel good

Dananananana LOL

Big Thanks goes out to my dear friend who helped me put things into perspective today. Fuck forgiveness! What the hell. Really? I don't have to forgive. I don't have to go back to thinking nothing happened and let that shit walk all over me again. Nope. It's all about acceptance. That's the true key to moving forward in your life guilt free. Of course there are times where I have forgiven people. But the truth is these people are not in my daily life. It's really doesn't matter any more. I could actually care less what happened now so in turn forgiving was just natural. When they would tell me they were sorry I believed them. I felt it. And so I accepted (see there it is) and forgave.

I accept that you have chosen to live your life that way. A way I will not ever really understand nor will I ever agree with. I however can not judge or control or even have a say. No. I can only be in control of my life. What I think is unsafe for myself and my family I can keep at arms length. I will live my toxic, drama free life full of children's laughter and love. I will come home to a wonderful man who adores and supports me. I will no longer let any choices I have made in my past control my future. I take full responsibility for protecting my heart, my soul and my family! Love is all you need :)

But really think about it. I was struggling with the term forgiveness. I have already accepted the situation. I feel no hate, I'm not angry, I don't want to fight and I have nothing really to say. Of course I have my opinions but that's no ones business really but my own. Unless you ask. Then I will tell. I am sad. But this is a feeling I will deal with in time. I've done it before with others. I can do it now!

I am also so very grateful to my grandparents. After becoming a parent I see now what they were doing to protect me. I wish I would have listened more. Do I always agree with them. No. I take their advise with a grain of salt. I do however have more respect for them. I have more understanding. I will always be thankful I was given the opportunity to learn from two great people! I am always learning. Always growing. And for now I will be calling them and asking for some kind of advise along with always saying I'm sorry for being such a brat when I was younger. Again. I am sorry. But thank you for being patient with me and helping me find my way. As I am still finding!

So right now. I have no guilt! That word can go away!

I stand by my decision to protect myself and my family! I'm feeling super right now!

I AM BEAUTIFUL

Why do most woman have a hard time with this? Believing in their OWN beauty? How can we truly embrace our own body when the world keeps shoving what should be in our faces.

I have never thought I was ugly. I've just always had a hard time thinking I was beautiful. I'm pretty sure I can count on one had the amount of times I have felt amazingly confident in my body. Right now. At this moment is NOT one of them.

Ok so I had my second child 3 1/2 months ago. I got a few more stretch marks. Those don't bother me. I feel like they are in a way a beauty mark of being able to carry a child. A lot of woman will never know what that's like. So I embrace it. I'm also using Passion Parties Simply Sensual Pomegranate Ginger Toning Body Butter on my tummy and I think my marks are slowly fading. And NO I am not going to try using my husbands seaman to test the theory that makes them disappear LOL

What I'm struggling with is my size, my belly, my love handles and my thighs. Ok I guess my entire body. I love that my cousin tries to help me with the fact that her children were 5 when she finally lost it all. It means a lot because in some way it helps me put life in perspective. I don't know if I will ever be that size 0 I have so often dreamed about but I wouldn't mind getting back to my size 8. I loved my body then. I was 22 and going to the gym 4 nights a week and oh ya... haven't had kids yet!

So along with my battle of self image I'm dealing with all those other emotions I've buried so deep inside. I read last night that I need to embrace these emotions and not react. With this is my other big question. Do I face the people who brought on these other emotions in order to get over them? First I'm going to do what the book says and write them letters. Put it all on paper and then go into my backyard and have a mini burn ceremony. When I was going and talking with someone we were to do this but never fallowed through. So my goal this week is to finish this task.

I felt better after I read that. Embrace your emotions. Accept that we are human and feel. It's ok to feel what I feel as long as I deal with them the right way and no bury them deep down and then do what I always do. Explode.

I feel good today too! I got up at 4:30 for my good morning wake up feed. Then I drove my FIL to the bus at 5:30am and wait for it... Went to the GYM at 6:15am! oh that felt good. Sooooooo good. I came home and had a shower and started tiding up the place. My energy didn't last long but I am for once proud of myself. I even took the boys to the park this afternoon. I love Elliston Park but I learned today it's not the place you want to go for a walk with a stroller and a kids bike. Not impressed with that. It's just super close to me and it would be nice if the path was paved.

So there you have it. I need to learn to love my body and be patient. It takes time to lose weight and I don't have the money to have a personal trainer. I'm going to deal with my emotions and learn to embrace my new ones and stop hiding.

I AM beautiful! I am a mother of two beautiful boys and married to the most loving and supportive husband.

Life is really good and that is the truth I need to embrace!

Picking My Battles

Being that I am a firm believer of the Secret and the power of the Universe and positive thinking there is a lot I need to change inside me! I know if I think something good and bad it will manifest. I am doing my best to change the things I believe in and how I have learned to react to life. I have finally found something that I truly believe is helping me. I have seen it in my business this month! It's like magic! I have had 5 online orders out of the blue from woman I have NEVER met! Wow! And all I have done this month is listen to Train Your Brain. I have party leads I need to call and other leads I could follow up on and I haven't. My one party this weekend is a booking from a party last month! My two parties next month are both random bookings that have come to me! LOVE IT!!!

So to find my sanity I need to manifest this magic into my daily life!

Last night I came home from the gym and waited for bed time. Waited for the husband to put Red to bed without me having to ask or nag.

Now here is my IDEAL bed time routine (for my wonderful husband who is probably dreading this blog right now hee hee Love you)

8pm Bath (this can be skip for a few days)
8:30pm Brush Teeth and head to bed for a story!!!

Just like Daddy Red needs to wind down. Bed time is SO much easier when hubby isn't home because I can turn off the TV and lights and make the home a calming place!

Now there are days that bed time can be a fight however when I can calm him down and have this routine in place bed time is a beautiful thing.

Now the other part of this is with Red in bed we can have WE TIME...

Shouldn't this be motivation enough to help? Isn't that one of the biggest turn on's for woman? Men helping out! OMG if I come home and the floor has been vacuumed or the kitchen is clean I want to tear off our clothes then and there!!!! AND this feeling has been very non existing with baby.

So of course bed time was crap last night and I wanted to pull my hair out and scream. Instead I took a deep breath and went to my happy place and read Red a story in my bed and we fell asleep talking about cars around 11pm last night.

So talking to my girlfriend today about manifesting change and such she suggested I suck it up and do it all myself. If I need a hand ask however I am not going to nag. I will take care of both kids morning to night. I will make breakfast, lunch and dinner and do my ideal bed time routine with a smile on my face. I know my husband works hard! He's one job away from being Jamaican so he says! Between the 9 to 5 day job and doing everything his does for his band it's close to 3 jobs! I get that! But it drives me crazy when he comes home and sits on the couch all night without helping with at least one chore and helping with our kids really shouldn't even count as a chore!

So I'm close to having this house clean again after my not so good strike after family left! Not to mention the FIL is coming tonight! Still have a few things to tidy up and a few loads of laundry to do...

Day one of my Do not bitch about the no help... it's still early! However he's got a meeting tonight so that will help me BIG time!

Here we go! picking my battle to not complain about the same damn thing which in turn brings it on even more! it's time to manifest a helping hand by not complaining in the first place!!!! Think happy thoughts! I say it all the time. Peter Pan was onto something!

Wish me luck! Or my husband! One of us will need it! hahahaha