I have never thought I was ugly. I've just always had a hard time thinking I was beautiful. I'm pretty sure I can count on one had the amount of times I have felt amazingly confident in my body. Right now. At this moment is NOT one of them.
Ok so I had my second child 3 1/2 months ago. I got a few more stretch marks. Those don't bother me. I feel like they are in a way a beauty mark of being able to carry a child. A lot of woman will never know what that's like. So I embrace it. I'm also using Passion Parties Simply Sensual Pomegranate Ginger Toning Body Butter on my tummy and I think my marks are slowly fading. And NO I am not going to try using my husbands seaman to test the theory that makes them disappear LOL
What I'm struggling with is my size, my belly, my love handles and my thighs. Ok I guess my entire body. I love that my cousin tries to help me with the fact that her children were 5 when she finally lost it all. It means a lot because in some way it helps me put life in perspective. I don't know if I will ever be that size 0 I have so often dreamed about but I wouldn't mind getting back to my size 8. I loved my body then. I was 22 and going to the gym 4 nights a week and oh ya... haven't had kids yet!
So along with my battle of self image I'm dealing with all those other emotions I've buried so deep inside. I read last night that I need to embrace these emotions and not react. With this is my other big question. Do I face the people who brought on these other emotions in order to get over them? First I'm going to do what the book says and write them letters. Put it all on paper and then go into my backyard and have a mini burn ceremony. When I was going and talking with someone we were to do this but never fallowed through. So my goal this week is to finish this task.
I felt better after I read that. Embrace your emotions. Accept that we are human and feel. It's ok to feel what I feel as long as I deal with them the right way and no bury them deep down and then do what I always do. Explode.
I feel good today too! I got up at 4:30 for my good morning wake up feed. Then I drove my FIL to the bus at 5:30am and wait for it... Went to the GYM at 6:15am! oh that felt good. Sooooooo good. I came home and had a shower and started tiding up the place. My energy didn't last long but I am for once proud of myself. I even took the boys to the park this afternoon. I love Elliston Park but I learned today it's not the place you want to go for a walk with a stroller and a kids bike. Not impressed with that. It's just super close to me and it would be nice if the path was paved.
So there you have it. I need to learn to love my body and be patient. It takes time to lose weight and I don't have the money to have a personal trainer. I'm going to deal with my emotions and learn to embrace my new ones and stop hiding.
I AM beautiful! I am a mother of two beautiful boys and married to the most loving and supportive husband.
Life is really good and that is the truth I need to embrace!
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