Big Thanks goes out to my dear friend who helped me put things into perspective today. Fuck forgiveness! What the hell. Really? I don't have to forgive. I don't have to go back to thinking nothing happened and let that shit walk all over me again. Nope. It's all about acceptance. That's the true key to moving forward in your life guilt free. Of course there are times where I have forgiven people. But the truth is these people are not in my daily life. It's really doesn't matter any more. I could actually care less what happened now so in turn forgiving was just natural. When they would tell me they were sorry I believed them. I felt it. And so I accepted (see there it is) and forgave.
I accept that you have chosen to live your life that way. A way I will not ever really understand nor will I ever agree with. I however can not judge or control or even have a say. No. I can only be in control of my life. What I think is unsafe for myself and my family I can keep at arms length. I will live my toxic, drama free life full of children's laughter and love. I will come home to a wonderful man who adores and supports me. I will no longer let any choices I have made in my past control my future. I take full responsibility for protecting my heart, my soul and my family! Love is all you need :)
But really think about it. I was struggling with the term forgiveness. I have already accepted the situation. I feel no hate, I'm not angry, I don't want to fight and I have nothing really to say. Of course I have my opinions but that's no ones business really but my own. Unless you ask. Then I will tell. I am sad. But this is a feeling I will deal with in time. I've done it before with others. I can do it now!
I am also so very grateful to my grandparents. After becoming a parent I see now what they were doing to protect me. I wish I would have listened more. Do I always agree with them. No. I take their advise with a grain of salt. I do however have more respect for them. I have more understanding. I will always be thankful I was given the opportunity to learn from two great people! I am always learning. Always growing. And for now I will be calling them and asking for some kind of advise along with always saying I'm sorry for being such a brat when I was younger. Again. I am sorry. But thank you for being patient with me and helping me find my way. As I am still finding!
So right now. I have no guilt! That word can go away!
I stand by my decision to protect myself and my family! I'm feeling super right now!
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