Question of the day...

Why is it that when I try to do something for myself I can start it but never finish it?

Me Time! Time to exercise and feel good!

This have proven to be the most difficult task to maintain! I did really well for three weeks after work! I would race home and exercise then make dinner and do all the other "duties" that being a parent entails. But then came swimming, traffic, phone calls and well... LIFE!

So it comes down to doing it at work at lunch time but what I LOVE to do requires some kind of TV or computer and somewhere private!

I've thought about downloading a day at a time onto DropBox and using my cell and hiding in one of our far stairwells or seeing about using a room that's on maintenance lol! But I'm scared. I don't know why I'm getting that emotion. I'm also frustrated and upset and tired of not being able to balance in time for myself.

So my question is why. Why as a Working Mother of Two boys is it so difficult to do it all? Is this why so many say fuck it and just let their body go?

What I need is to find at way to have someone cook our dinners, clean our house, do our laundry and take the boys to whatever activity they have that day! I need help! But I hate asking! HATE! I'm so stubborn that I feel I should be able to do everything! But I can't! Why am I not a freaken superhero?

I am doing this for ME!

How many times have you done something because you thought it was best for them? You never entered the equation! Not in there mind or yours!

My 2013 resolution was to complain less. This has proven to be a struggle! I am proud that I have learned to be able to turn any thought or situation into a positive explanation! If that makes any sense at all! I have learned to find a benefit in an issue. A lesson to learn and grow from!

There were times however in the past 3 weeks that I started questioning things. Not seeing the miracles. Not getting my great lifts while driving and my prime Parkin spot when going places. So I finally yelled at the Universe and Sao WHAT THE FUCK? And literally in 3 seconds the lights changed, the traffic cleared and it was smooth sailing the rest of the day! My car pool friend can vouch for this miracle!

The other night I could feel a slight depression coming. I was feeling alone and really needed girl time but I didn't want to leave the house. I had to force myself out and it worked! I got a bit of clarity that night! And that I need to change my thoughts to think of me! Do it all for me! Not my boys, my husband, my team or my boss. ME!

This house is clean for ME!
I work out to look good for ME!
I book parties for ME!
I am successful for ME!

I am no longer going to focus in how little help I feel I get. I will just do it because its what I want! Of course I'm praying inside that the rest will fall into place! That that little miracle of change happens. But I'm also not holding my breath!

2013 is about ME!

Oh and did I mention that I'm also turning 30! In 5 days... I am saying goodbye to my 20's this week. Saying hello to another day! Really. But how I'm feeling I'm sure has something to do with this change! I'm not scared or upset. I am very excited! Because its all about me!

What have you done for you? Do you have a resolution aimed to better yourself?

Mantra Time: "I am doing this for ME!"

Second Vlog Post - Work out update!

Check out my second Vlog Post !

I've been having issues uploading this video and even if I use the Blog button on YouTube I personally can not see the video. So to me it's not there! I'm losing my mind right now!

Anyway I'm half tempted to just not post anything! Either way I did it! I'm staying on track! I'm tired as hell but I feel good and I'm excited to see if I will start to see results in the next week!

My first goal is to feel sexy again by my 30th birthday! I have 3 weeks! So Month One of Insanity should do the trick!

Here's to a kick ass start to 2013!

Back to er... Vlog style!

I am going to hurt tomorrow! haha But it sure felt good! I'm excited to do it again!

2012 was a Good Year!

At the end of every year you hear a lot of people bitch about how bad they want it to end because it sucked. You hear about every one's new years resolutions. How people are planning on changing and making the next year better! How they are creating a new bucket list to make it better! I have a hard time setting goals and resolutions knowing full well I may not be determined enough to keep it!

Here is my wanna list:

Get back on a work out routine
Get back to my better eating habits and shopping at the farmers market
Stay organized (excuse me while I pick myself up off the floor from laughing at this one)
Pay off my student loan
Take my boys on a Vacation to BC
Donate blood! (Thanks Dad for the inspiration as this is a must)
Help at least one person reach their goal
Grow my Passion Team and become an Executive Director (OMG Did I just say that)
Hit $100,000 Milestone and walk across that stage at Convention 2014
Make time for Me
Make a designated Family Night and Date night a few times a month
Get over my fear to follow up with Customers!!!
Ask for help and let it happen!

That's about all I can think of for now!

But right now lets take a look at the highlights of 2012

And that was only some of the amazing highlights of 2012!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! 

Letting it out

I've been feeling a little low lately. Alone actually. I feel like I'm talking to a wall most of the time. Like I'm speaking in my own language that no one else understands. I've been so busy with Passion and my day job the last few months I have had no time for myself, my friends or my husband. My boys get lots of me time during the week nights thankfully but it doesn't feel like enough. I feel like I have no one to relate to. Lean on. Or even just a shoulder to cry on. I'm scared to pick up the phone because I don't want to seem weak but I am so fucking tired of being strong. I'm so fucking tired of feeling like I have to do it all. If I don't do it it doesn't get done or it's just not done right at all. I have become so overwhelmed I'm having a hard time keeping me in check! I feel completely disconnected from people! And of course as much as I long to be around people I want to be left alone at the same time! It's such a messed up feeling. I'm starting to think I need a week off life. But I also need a week to get my house sorted out and cleaned out and organized. Hell I need a week to put my office in order.

There's so much more I want to say but I just can't seem to figure out how to put it into words.

I feel a bit better! I need to sleep! Hopefully I can sit down tomorrow and write out a 2012 recap! And set some 2013 goals!

Broken Hearts

I am speechless with what I have been seeing and reading over the past 24 hours. I broke down today when someone asked me how my boys were doing. I say it's because I'm working too much, not getting enough rest, feeling sick and my baby has been sick as well. But I cried today because all I feel in my heart is sadness as I'm sure all mothers around the world are feeling. I'm the type of person who absorbs energy. I automatically feel what another is feel just by being around them or seeing something happen.

So now what?

Count your blessings! Believe in Miracles! Be thankful for your life and your family!

That's what I will be doing! I can not change the past but I sure as hell can make sure my future is as fantastic as possible! And gratitude is the best way to do so!

Thank you all for standing by me. Loving me and being there when I needed you the most!

Thank you to my husband for loving me even when I know he doesn't know how to handle me!

Thank you to my boys for being you!

Thank you to my parents for all your support!

This holiday season I will be saying a prayer for those who have lost their loved ones this year! And giving thanks to those who will be around for the years to come!

Love your life, your family and your friends!