What do you do when old patterns return?

It's a new year. And this year my biggest want is more family time. I actually have this internal battle between wanting more time with family and wanting to make more money to pay down my debt. I have the same dialog running through my head monthly weekly daily. I decide I want to back away from Passion and spend more time with my family. I look at my open calendar and dread how much work it will be to book or how little time I will have with my family if I book up. But then the parties start to roll it without any effort of me looking. They come to me. And I'm a big believer the Universe speaks to me. So I book them and I get the rush. It's like a drug. Money is my addiction! I make great money and then I spend it. I pay down a few things and then I spoil my family! But I don't actually feel like I'm getting any further down my goal of being debt free. And then the guilt sets in that I'm not spending enough quality time with my family... And never with friends. I can tell you know I feel alone most of my days. I feel so disconnected with people I've known for years. I long to have that connection but I've created a world where I just pull away. I fall back into old habits, old thought patterns. Lack, undeserving, unworthy....

So here I am again. Having the same argument, facing the same fears and seeing the same patterns unfolding. But I have something different in my corner this time. I have love, I have support, and I have more guidance than before. And Trust! I will trust what comes my way!

I'm working on finishing my new Gabby book and then I can start on my Desire Mapping! I believe that if I continue to focus on my desires and then I will start seeing my true path light up for me! But for now I'm working on forgiving myself for falling into this way of thinking again. Working on letting go of these fears and knowing what I need will always be there for me when I need it! That I have a wonderfully abundant life and our debts will be paid off and I do not need to over work myself for it. That's it's OK to walk away from things that no longer serve you. That I don't need to feel guilty because I owe no one anything. My priory is my family... And my sanity! And I believe I'm heading into the right direction! Baby steps!