One Day at a Time

I have realized this past week how strong I really am. Finally being faced with the reality of where I am right now in life and if this is truly where I want to be going. Of course my heart and my ego were not in agreement. They still aren't. I'm feeling like I'm in constant battle. I'm exhausted. I couldn't figure out why I have been so tired lately and well duh... that's why. This constant battle inside is driving me crazy. I am not ready to settle it yet however. I'm not really sure what to do anymore. I'm not in my regular happy, driven mood this week and I can see it affecting my business. So I'm taking a breather! I find that taking a step back and a break from everything and everyone I can re-balance my energy and get back on track!

I receive emails from The Universe  and today it was:

There's nothing so important, Erin, that it can't be said tomorrow.

You know, if you aren't sure.

Cool jets,
    The Universe

WOW! I needed this today! This confirms that I don't have to say anything today. Or tomorrow for that matter. I do not have to make a decision just yet! As much as I want to crawl under the covers and cry until I fall asleep. I can't. First of all. It's not all that bad. I have to put it into perspective! I know so many others are going through so much more. But I'm still hurting in my own way. I still feel alone in my own way! I long to pick up the phone and have someone here from me in a second but I don't want to be a burden. So I carry on. As I always do! Strong, resilient, ambitious & driven!

This too shall pass! One day at a time

Bringing Passion to LIFE!

Passion Parties new slogan. Bringing Passion to LIFE! I go out every weekend to show woman & men & couples how to do this!

But what about me? Where is my passion? Where is my joy? Where am I?

This past week in Vegas I realized how alone I am. How only I can do things for me. How only I can make things happen for me. How I do not have the support I thought I had! How only I can be truly serious about growth and change.

So where do I go from here? Which step do I take. I feel like I'm stuck between two and three.

I want to be walking that stage celebrating the success of my team knowing that my business partner is sitting there cheering me on! Someone who helped me each step of the way to success! Even if it was just labeling my catalogues for my next party or grocery shopping for the week ahead.

I'm not accepting anything but the best. And if that's just me then I will accept while growing and changing in the process!

Growth and Change brings Passion! 2013 I will be bringing Passion to my life!

I'm just not sure how...

I have a Problem...

I have a problem. I feel like it's a big one! I also know I have the answer for it. But then again I'm not sure if I really do. There are a few options to fix it! I feel like I've tried one of the three and am currently working on number two. If number two doesn't work then I know I have to look at number three! Which scares the living shit out of me!

I'm losing my mind here! My faith! Myself! I'm tired, worn down and alone!

I'm not even sure number two is even worth the effort any more!

Question of the day...

Why is it that when I try to do something for myself I can start it but never finish it?

Me Time! Time to exercise and feel good!

This have proven to be the most difficult task to maintain! I did really well for three weeks after work! I would race home and exercise then make dinner and do all the other "duties" that being a parent entails. But then came swimming, traffic, phone calls and well... LIFE!

So it comes down to doing it at work at lunch time but what I LOVE to do requires some kind of TV or computer and somewhere private!

I've thought about downloading a day at a time onto DropBox and using my cell and hiding in one of our far stairwells or seeing about using a room that's on maintenance lol! But I'm scared. I don't know why I'm getting that emotion. I'm also frustrated and upset and tired of not being able to balance in time for myself.

So my question is why. Why as a Working Mother of Two boys is it so difficult to do it all? Is this why so many say fuck it and just let their body go?

What I need is to find at way to have someone cook our dinners, clean our house, do our laundry and take the boys to whatever activity they have that day! I need help! But I hate asking! HATE! I'm so stubborn that I feel I should be able to do everything! But I can't! Why am I not a freaken superhero?

I am doing this for ME!

How many times have you done something because you thought it was best for them? You never entered the equation! Not in there mind or yours!

My 2013 resolution was to complain less. This has proven to be a struggle! I am proud that I have learned to be able to turn any thought or situation into a positive explanation! If that makes any sense at all! I have learned to find a benefit in an issue. A lesson to learn and grow from!

There were times however in the past 3 weeks that I started questioning things. Not seeing the miracles. Not getting my great lifts while driving and my prime Parkin spot when going places. So I finally yelled at the Universe and Sao WHAT THE FUCK? And literally in 3 seconds the lights changed, the traffic cleared and it was smooth sailing the rest of the day! My car pool friend can vouch for this miracle!

The other night I could feel a slight depression coming. I was feeling alone and really needed girl time but I didn't want to leave the house. I had to force myself out and it worked! I got a bit of clarity that night! And that I need to change my thoughts to think of me! Do it all for me! Not my boys, my husband, my team or my boss. ME!

This house is clean for ME!
I work out to look good for ME!
I book parties for ME!
I am successful for ME!

I am no longer going to focus in how little help I feel I get. I will just do it because its what I want! Of course I'm praying inside that the rest will fall into place! That that little miracle of change happens. But I'm also not holding my breath!

2013 is about ME!

Oh and did I mention that I'm also turning 30! In 5 days... I am saying goodbye to my 20's this week. Saying hello to another day! Really. But how I'm feeling I'm sure has something to do with this change! I'm not scared or upset. I am very excited! Because its all about me!

What have you done for you? Do you have a resolution aimed to better yourself?

Mantra Time: "I am doing this for ME!"

Second Vlog Post - Work out update!

Check out my second Vlog Post !

I've been having issues uploading this video and even if I use the Blog button on YouTube I personally can not see the video. So to me it's not there! I'm losing my mind right now!

Anyway I'm half tempted to just not post anything! Either way I did it! I'm staying on track! I'm tired as hell but I feel good and I'm excited to see if I will start to see results in the next week!

My first goal is to feel sexy again by my 30th birthday! I have 3 weeks! So Month One of Insanity should do the trick!

Here's to a kick ass start to 2013!

Back to er... Vlog style!

I am going to hurt tomorrow! haha But it sure felt good! I'm excited to do it again!