Confession

Over the past few days I've been feeling like if I was to be graded in the "Good Wife" department I would get a big fat F.

Now don't get me wrong here. This is me just trying to work through my own thoughts and emotions while my body becomes "normal" again. I'm not looking for a pity party although sometimes it would be nice to get on my own soap box so to speak and cry my woes like so many do. But I don't feel like I have a lot.

I know I bitch a lot. Something I am trying to change. Not hard enough if seems at times. I'm doing my damn best to see the good side in everything. Yet my eyes are trained for faults. And that drives me crazy. I can't stand that all I seem to think about are the "what if's" of parts of my life. The things I wish that were different or maybe things I wish I would have done when the chance actually did fall into my lap and I allowed FEAR to let me say "No Thanks".

And then all those NO's led me to this life. A life full of love, laughter and joy! So where does this F come into play as a Wife.

Well I haven't been able to really open up, accept and even provide affection. All I see is the times I spend waiting. And oh how much I hate to wait. I'm a very impatient person. All I see is certain needs of mine not being met or the things I've so many times asked not being done. What I don't see is the kindness in his eyes as he allows me to find my confidence in my self again. The love he still has for me when I don't even love myself. The hard work he puts in 24/7 so that we can put food on the table. The times he makes me laugh when all I want to do is cry! He is truly one the best things that has ever happened to me and I am taking it for granted. I'm so sorry.