I have NO idea how many times I've gone to the gym but I have lost 4 lbs! I'm 146. Can I subtract my milk filled boobs and say I've lost 5? Does that count LOL I liked my dad's scale better! It said I was 140. What about my shoes? Can I take another pound off for them? So really 6 lbs? No? hahaha
I like how I think! Either way I am feeling a lot better! I try not to focus on the pounds per say. More about how my clothes are fitting. And right now a few of my jeans are starting to get loose! Very nice!
I got up today around 7:20. Fed my baby, got my little man up for school and made breakfast and his lunch! He was super excited until he was standing in his line and I said goodbye to him there. He wanted me to come in the class with him. Part of me wants to hold his hand through this but the other side of me wants to toughen him up and get him used to me not being able to drop him off when I'm back at work. Lets just say when he started to cry I had to bite my tongue to keep from crying too! I miss him. More so now then when I worked. What's it going to be like leaving both kids next April?
After that I went to the gym! Had a great sweaty work out! I really wanted a smoothy so I went to Jugo Juice and got their raspberry one with some spinach added. It was good! I think I'll have to pick up some ingredients to make my own when we get back from BC.
So now I'm all showered and ready to get this place organized for our trip. Baby is sleeping! It's so quiet.
I'm very refreshed and happy! Losing weight is so easy! Feeling good is so easy! :)
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Boycotting Children From Restaurants
My family really doesn't eat out much. When we do it's wing night on Saturdays or Montana's. We go where we know kids can be because well... we have kids. If we do NOT want to have dinner around children then we go some place we know children will not be! Like more of a high end place or even... wait for it... A PUB!
What a concept. You don't want to have dinner around children then go to a pub or stay the hell home! What message is this sending to the next generation really? And isn't it the parents that are in control of their children. Most children are a creation of their surroundings! What about the Jack ass that bitches about the meal or goes and finds a way to get it completely free? When I worked in restaurants it was the adults I had issues with and never the children! Most parents go out for dinner repaired. And if they are anything like me. If my kid is in a horrible mood we just do NOT go out or we go and get something to bring home! Drive thru is a wonderful option! Another option is if we get there, order and my kid starts being a brat we ask for it to go, pay and leave! Simple!
But for the love of our children... banning them? That's discrimination! Is this our next movement? We fight for woman's right and now we have to fight for children's rights? It's 2011. Why do I have a feeling that we are moving backwards and not forwards.
That's my rant for the day! Like my Boycott Restaurants Boycotting Children page on facebook!
What a concept. You don't want to have dinner around children then go to a pub or stay the hell home! What message is this sending to the next generation really? And isn't it the parents that are in control of their children. Most children are a creation of their surroundings! What about the Jack ass that bitches about the meal or goes and finds a way to get it completely free? When I worked in restaurants it was the adults I had issues with and never the children! Most parents go out for dinner repaired. And if they are anything like me. If my kid is in a horrible mood we just do NOT go out or we go and get something to bring home! Drive thru is a wonderful option! Another option is if we get there, order and my kid starts being a brat we ask for it to go, pay and leave! Simple!
But for the love of our children... banning them? That's discrimination! Is this our next movement? We fight for woman's right and now we have to fight for children's rights? It's 2011. Why do I have a feeling that we are moving backwards and not forwards.
That's my rant for the day! Like my Boycott Restaurants Boycotting Children page on facebook!
Not a baby any more...
I am sitting on my couch browsing the web when I should be having a shower, cleaning and getting my son ready for his first day of school which is a half day. They are doing a staggered start to ease them into their new life! He is so excited! I wonder when this excitement will turn into the dreaded "No I don't want to go to school' [enter fake cough here]
I am really not sure if I'm ready for this. I have a knot in the pit of my stomach and I'm doing everything in my power not to fall apart! Every person I tell about my boy starting kindergarten says that I must be looking forward to the break with a newborn in the house! Ummm no actually. My son is very independent and helpful and I love having him around! He gets up and cuddles with me in the morning then goes off and gets his own bowl of cereal and watches cartoons until baby and I come alive! Then he's outside playing if it's nice out or we go off and meet a friend or do something! Of course there are days he's super annoying and I feel like he's on his last legs but I can not complain about my children!
So here I am telling myself to suck it up because I have no choice but to be ready for this and then think about how in another 5 years I'll be going through this again and well we can always have more babies! I can just feel the hubby giving me the "look" in my head! lol
I hope my son enjoys it! He gets 2 full days and 1 half day and then I take him away for 2 weeks! Best parent ever right! Well if he was in any other grade I know I would be in his eyes!
My baby is no longer a baby. He's a little boy starting a new adventure in life! All I can do is pray he will enjoy it! Pray he will make friends and will not be bullied or even worse... be the bully! Pray he will not struggle with learning and will be able to ask for help!
Now where the hell is my camera? Time to get this show on the road!
I am really not sure if I'm ready for this. I have a knot in the pit of my stomach and I'm doing everything in my power not to fall apart! Every person I tell about my boy starting kindergarten says that I must be looking forward to the break with a newborn in the house! Ummm no actually. My son is very independent and helpful and I love having him around! He gets up and cuddles with me in the morning then goes off and gets his own bowl of cereal and watches cartoons until baby and I come alive! Then he's outside playing if it's nice out or we go off and meet a friend or do something! Of course there are days he's super annoying and I feel like he's on his last legs but I can not complain about my children!
So here I am telling myself to suck it up because I have no choice but to be ready for this and then think about how in another 5 years I'll be going through this again and well we can always have more babies! I can just feel the hubby giving me the "look" in my head! lol
I hope my son enjoys it! He gets 2 full days and 1 half day and then I take him away for 2 weeks! Best parent ever right! Well if he was in any other grade I know I would be in his eyes!
My baby is no longer a baby. He's a little boy starting a new adventure in life! All I can do is pray he will enjoy it! Pray he will make friends and will not be bullied or even worse... be the bully! Pray he will not struggle with learning and will be able to ask for help!
Now where the hell is my camera? Time to get this show on the road!
Monday, August 15, 2011
Stop and Smell the Roses
This weekend was pretty hectic and this week isn't going to be any different. We leave for vacation on Sunday. I have to start planning what we are going to bring for our two sons. But the biggest thing. My oldest starting kindergarten tomorrow! Time is going by way too fast!
I remember someone telling me a story about a NY cab driver and how every time someone would cut him off or curse at him or flip him the bird he would just go about on his marry little way not even batting an eye. I can't remember if he would say something to himself or not but when asked why he didn't react he plainly stated that he's not going to let other peoples garbage affect his day! How true is that. How often do we allow other peoples emotions or actions affect us? We are either happy, sad or mad based on what others around us say or do!
I know I allow this to into my life way to often. I have always said I absorb others emotions. My husband comes home unhappy and I am instantly pissed off. Someone cuts me off on the highway and I'm angry for hours.
I'm about to send my first born off to school and I spend my days allowing others to control how I feel? I owe it to my family to choose my own feelings. To learn to control them and chose happier thoughts when something goes unplanned. I need to stop and sell the roses and embrace the beauty of the world!
People need to learn to be more kind! To take more time and relax!
Next week we are going to see family! Family that after years of no contact are back in my life and I could not be happier! Family that told me not to work too hard and take time off for myself! To stop and smell the roses so to speak!
Thank you! Thank you for helping me see that there is more to life then a 9 to 5 job! I'm still working on learning to embrace how I feel and gain more control over my emotions but I am doing pretty good!
So if something pisses me off next I'm going to do my best to take a deep breath and instead of reacting I'm going to try and see the lesson to the situation!
I hope others can stop for a minute today and find something to smile about! :) For me! It's my family!
I remember someone telling me a story about a NY cab driver and how every time someone would cut him off or curse at him or flip him the bird he would just go about on his marry little way not even batting an eye. I can't remember if he would say something to himself or not but when asked why he didn't react he plainly stated that he's not going to let other peoples garbage affect his day! How true is that. How often do we allow other peoples emotions or actions affect us? We are either happy, sad or mad based on what others around us say or do!
I know I allow this to into my life way to often. I have always said I absorb others emotions. My husband comes home unhappy and I am instantly pissed off. Someone cuts me off on the highway and I'm angry for hours.
I'm about to send my first born off to school and I spend my days allowing others to control how I feel? I owe it to my family to choose my own feelings. To learn to control them and chose happier thoughts when something goes unplanned. I need to stop and sell the roses and embrace the beauty of the world!
People need to learn to be more kind! To take more time and relax!
Next week we are going to see family! Family that after years of no contact are back in my life and I could not be happier! Family that told me not to work too hard and take time off for myself! To stop and smell the roses so to speak!
Thank you! Thank you for helping me see that there is more to life then a 9 to 5 job! I'm still working on learning to embrace how I feel and gain more control over my emotions but I am doing pretty good!
So if something pisses me off next I'm going to do my best to take a deep breath and instead of reacting I'm going to try and see the lesson to the situation!
I hope others can stop for a minute today and find something to smile about! :) For me! It's my family!
Thursday, August 11, 2011
The simple things in life
Last weekend my friend and her hubby dropped off their old swing set. It's old and rusty. Probably one from the late 80's or early 90's LOL I am very thankful for this swing set. Hubby and I probably could get our boys one of those big ass wooden swing sets with a killer slide... on credit. But do we really need to? As soon as the swing set was up my little man was on it like feathers are to glue. And the icing on the cake was the next morning when the first thing he asked was to go outside to swing!!! You mean I don't have to bribe you to play outside today? Amazing! We don't have video games. He gets limited time on the computer because I'm sure in about 6 months he'd have figured out how to buy Cars online! I'm not shitting you! He already found his way to Amazon and was showing me a Lightning McQueen Car he just HAD to have. Hubby hide our Credit Cards. Our 4 year old is already online shopping!
I love how it's not the quality of the item my kid loves but the item itself. He doesn't care that we live in the hood. He's got his own room, his own play room, his own bathroom and a big back year with now a swing! He runs around with his dollar store water gun spraying bugs and me and is happy!
Money can buy you some fancy shit but it sure can't buy you the simple things in life.
A child's happiness
I'm learning to embrace what we can get and stop stressing about what other people can afford. My husband and I work hard! We make our money and we make choices! And our boys are happy! Perfect!
Monday, August 8, 2011
Parking Wars!!!
Not the show... But in general.
I was at a Birthday BBQ and of course with so many people attending comes cars and trucks. Where do we park? On the street! But wait. The neighbour has this half assed crescent driveway with not one but TWO dead vehicles. And one of the guests parked in front. No big deal right? Guess not because the guy had to park across the street and then came over to tell us to move the truck because it's parked in from of a driveway. Not because it's HIS parking spot. No because it's a driveway THAT ISN'T BEING USED!
The funny thing is I used to be like this. I would be livid if someone parked on the street where I normally park. And really why is this? It's not going to kill us to park on the other side and walk is it? Do we really have any right at all to any place on the street? Just because it's in front of the place of residence? There's no signs for visitors to state that they can not park there LOL
Today my biggest pet peeve is when someone parks in the middle of my yard. I live in a duplex. There is obviously two spots in front between the two driveways on each side. But people park smack in the middle! WTF are you dumb? Can you not see that two cars can park there? Drives me crazy and I don't even park on the street! LOL
It's kind of amusing how parking spots can really make someone so bent out of shape
Are you like that?
I was at a Birthday BBQ and of course with so many people attending comes cars and trucks. Where do we park? On the street! But wait. The neighbour has this half assed crescent driveway with not one but TWO dead vehicles. And one of the guests parked in front. No big deal right? Guess not because the guy had to park across the street and then came over to tell us to move the truck because it's parked in from of a driveway. Not because it's HIS parking spot. No because it's a driveway THAT ISN'T BEING USED!
The funny thing is I used to be like this. I would be livid if someone parked on the street where I normally park. And really why is this? It's not going to kill us to park on the other side and walk is it? Do we really have any right at all to any place on the street? Just because it's in front of the place of residence? There's no signs for visitors to state that they can not park there LOL
Today my biggest pet peeve is when someone parks in the middle of my yard. I live in a duplex. There is obviously two spots in front between the two driveways on each side. But people park smack in the middle! WTF are you dumb? Can you not see that two cars can park there? Drives me crazy and I don't even park on the street! LOL
It's kind of amusing how parking spots can really make someone so bent out of shape
Are you like that?
Would you could you write something...
I have a dream where I am sitting on a deck, looking out at the ocean, drinking tea and writing. I used to write poems all the time. I had a big binder full of them once. I was however stupid and left them at a guys house to look through to start writing songs when I was in a band for oh maybe a summer! Stupid stupid stupid. But what can you do. I've also never thought I'd have anything good to say. Who am I really? Why would people think what I would write would be interesting or important. The reality is I could. And someone would. Hell I'm sure I could write about my past, about being a mom, about how to keep your baby happy, how to entertain a 5 year old and the best of them all... How to keep your sanity while your husband works on promoting his band! :D
While I was reading last night it said to ask yourself what is hurting you. The first thing that popped into my head what my job that is waiting for me when I go back. So random because I've been gone for 4 months. It's not that it's horrible. I just feel I'm worth more. I deserve more.
The truth is I have never believed in myself. I've never believed I was worth anything. I would like something and try something but would give up the second it got hard. I gave into laziness. I never embraced anything growing up. I tried a lot of things but never fully went for it. How sad is that? Even now I struggle with that. I live my life in Fear! Am I good enough? Would it really be better at a different place? Will I ever make more money so I can actually live without stressing? Can I work one job instead of two to not drown in debt?
I have so many ideas running through my head and what I would maybe like to be when I grow up. Could I be an author? A Life Coach? Full time Passion Consultant? Controller? Full time MOM?
I have a feeling life is taking me down a new path with new people and all I have to do is embrace it! And as much as I enjoy breastfeeding my beautiful baby boy I'm really excited for him to not be fully depended on me so I can embrace more of an outside world.
I'm kinda tired of feeling stuck in one place! Don't get me wrong. I have embraced my life. Learned to appreciate all that I have. Learned to stop looking around thinking something is missing. Because nothing is missing. I have everything I've ever wanted.
So as I sit here writing this I'm wondering what more is out there for me? What more can I do? What more can I have? All at the same time as being thankful for what I already have!
That was hard! Learning to be satisfied! But well worth it. And learning to believe I can do anything...
While I was reading last night it said to ask yourself what is hurting you. The first thing that popped into my head what my job that is waiting for me when I go back. So random because I've been gone for 4 months. It's not that it's horrible. I just feel I'm worth more. I deserve more.
The truth is I have never believed in myself. I've never believed I was worth anything. I would like something and try something but would give up the second it got hard. I gave into laziness. I never embraced anything growing up. I tried a lot of things but never fully went for it. How sad is that? Even now I struggle with that. I live my life in Fear! Am I good enough? Would it really be better at a different place? Will I ever make more money so I can actually live without stressing? Can I work one job instead of two to not drown in debt?
I have so many ideas running through my head and what I would maybe like to be when I grow up. Could I be an author? A Life Coach? Full time Passion Consultant? Controller? Full time MOM?
I have a feeling life is taking me down a new path with new people and all I have to do is embrace it! And as much as I enjoy breastfeeding my beautiful baby boy I'm really excited for him to not be fully depended on me so I can embrace more of an outside world.
I'm kinda tired of feeling stuck in one place! Don't get me wrong. I have embraced my life. Learned to appreciate all that I have. Learned to stop looking around thinking something is missing. Because nothing is missing. I have everything I've ever wanted.
So as I sit here writing this I'm wondering what more is out there for me? What more can I do? What more can I have? All at the same time as being thankful for what I already have!
That was hard! Learning to be satisfied! But well worth it. And learning to believe I can do anything...
Friday, August 5, 2011
I feel good
Dananananana LOL
Big Thanks goes out to my dear friend who helped me put things into perspective today. Fuck forgiveness! What the hell. Really? I don't have to forgive. I don't have to go back to thinking nothing happened and let that shit walk all over me again. Nope. It's all about acceptance. That's the true key to moving forward in your life guilt free. Of course there are times where I have forgiven people. But the truth is these people are not in my daily life. It's really doesn't matter any more. I could actually care less what happened now so in turn forgiving was just natural. When they would tell me they were sorry I believed them. I felt it. And so I accepted (see there it is) and forgave.
I accept that you have chosen to live your life that way. A way I will not ever really understand nor will I ever agree with. I however can not judge or control or even have a say. No. I can only be in control of my life. What I think is unsafe for myself and my family I can keep at arms length. I will live my toxic, drama free life full of children's laughter and love. I will come home to a wonderful man who adores and supports me. I will no longer let any choices I have made in my past control my future. I take full responsibility for protecting my heart, my soul and my family! Love is all you need :)
But really think about it. I was struggling with the term forgiveness. I have already accepted the situation. I feel no hate, I'm not angry, I don't want to fight and I have nothing really to say. Of course I have my opinions but that's no ones business really but my own. Unless you ask. Then I will tell. I am sad. But this is a feeling I will deal with in time. I've done it before with others. I can do it now!
I am also so very grateful to my grandparents. After becoming a parent I see now what they were doing to protect me. I wish I would have listened more. Do I always agree with them. No. I take their advise with a grain of salt. I do however have more respect for them. I have more understanding. I will always be thankful I was given the opportunity to learn from two great people! I am always learning. Always growing. And for now I will be calling them and asking for some kind of advise along with always saying I'm sorry for being such a brat when I was younger. Again. I am sorry. But thank you for being patient with me and helping me find my way. As I am still finding!
So right now. I have no guilt! That word can go away!
I stand by my decision to protect myself and my family! I'm feeling super right now!
Big Thanks goes out to my dear friend who helped me put things into perspective today. Fuck forgiveness! What the hell. Really? I don't have to forgive. I don't have to go back to thinking nothing happened and let that shit walk all over me again. Nope. It's all about acceptance. That's the true key to moving forward in your life guilt free. Of course there are times where I have forgiven people. But the truth is these people are not in my daily life. It's really doesn't matter any more. I could actually care less what happened now so in turn forgiving was just natural. When they would tell me they were sorry I believed them. I felt it. And so I accepted (see there it is) and forgave.
I accept that you have chosen to live your life that way. A way I will not ever really understand nor will I ever agree with. I however can not judge or control or even have a say. No. I can only be in control of my life. What I think is unsafe for myself and my family I can keep at arms length. I will live my toxic, drama free life full of children's laughter and love. I will come home to a wonderful man who adores and supports me. I will no longer let any choices I have made in my past control my future. I take full responsibility for protecting my heart, my soul and my family! Love is all you need :)
But really think about it. I was struggling with the term forgiveness. I have already accepted the situation. I feel no hate, I'm not angry, I don't want to fight and I have nothing really to say. Of course I have my opinions but that's no ones business really but my own. Unless you ask. Then I will tell. I am sad. But this is a feeling I will deal with in time. I've done it before with others. I can do it now!
I am also so very grateful to my grandparents. After becoming a parent I see now what they were doing to protect me. I wish I would have listened more. Do I always agree with them. No. I take their advise with a grain of salt. I do however have more respect for them. I have more understanding. I will always be thankful I was given the opportunity to learn from two great people! I am always learning. Always growing. And for now I will be calling them and asking for some kind of advise along with always saying I'm sorry for being such a brat when I was younger. Again. I am sorry. But thank you for being patient with me and helping me find my way. As I am still finding!
So right now. I have no guilt! That word can go away!
I stand by my decision to protect myself and my family! I'm feeling super right now!
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Choices
This weekend is Passion Power! Since I joined Passion Parties I don't think I have missed one. Oh maybe the first one. I can't remember. Either way I love these mini training sessions. I love being a part of an amazing company. I know if I tried harder I could probably quit my day job and make enough money to support my family. I however have not decided if this is what I really want to do full time. I am enjoying my hobby! The hobby that has paid for new tires, Christmas, Vacations, bills I wasn't sure we'd be able to afford. Passion is keep me on top of everything. It gives me a piece of mind.
Anyways so back to this weekend. I wanted to go. Why? Because Dana Wild is going to be one of the speakers and over the past year I have grown to love and respect her. She is teaching me to change my thoughts! Through her training CDs. Over the past few years I've been looking for something and I believe this is it! And the best part is it's so simple AND it works. This past month I did not pick up the phone once. Nope and I received 5 online orders and 3 party leads. Two I had to give away. One I'm driving to Edmonton for! Love it! And all I'm thinking is my Business Rocks. And it does.
Passion Power is a weekend ordeal. I would have to leave my baby with my husband for two entire days. Attempting to feed him by a bottle he's started refusing. Not completely understanding his cries or whimpers. And then me coming home to a house full of cranky frustrated men. I do not need to put that stress on my family. I don't care who has pumped and dumped and done it in the past. Good for you for having a very supportive whoever to go through that will you. I do not. ok that's wrong of course my husband is supportive and we could probably suffer through this weekend but I don't want that guilt. I hate that feeling. Especially when I haven't done anything wrong yet I still feel it.
I'm very sad I'm going to miss it. Miss the social connections with other amazing woman and well having a break from my family.
But I made the choice to save the $149 fee for my vacation to see my best friend marry his best friend after my god 10 years of dating and save my family the stress this weekend.
Next year when I'm not breastfeeding I will be able to attend all the events I want too! Passion Power 2012, save for Vegas 2013 and book more parties and sign more consultants.
I see great things for my business. But right now it's my hobby and my family comes first. Always
Anyways so back to this weekend. I wanted to go. Why? Because Dana Wild is going to be one of the speakers and over the past year I have grown to love and respect her. She is teaching me to change my thoughts! Through her training CDs. Over the past few years I've been looking for something and I believe this is it! And the best part is it's so simple AND it works. This past month I did not pick up the phone once. Nope and I received 5 online orders and 3 party leads. Two I had to give away. One I'm driving to Edmonton for! Love it! And all I'm thinking is my Business Rocks. And it does.
Passion Power is a weekend ordeal. I would have to leave my baby with my husband for two entire days. Attempting to feed him by a bottle he's started refusing. Not completely understanding his cries or whimpers. And then me coming home to a house full of cranky frustrated men. I do not need to put that stress on my family. I don't care who has pumped and dumped and done it in the past. Good for you for having a very supportive whoever to go through that will you. I do not. ok that's wrong of course my husband is supportive and we could probably suffer through this weekend but I don't want that guilt. I hate that feeling. Especially when I haven't done anything wrong yet I still feel it.
I'm very sad I'm going to miss it. Miss the social connections with other amazing woman and well having a break from my family.
But I made the choice to save the $149 fee for my vacation to see my best friend marry his best friend after my god 10 years of dating and save my family the stress this weekend.
Next year when I'm not breastfeeding I will be able to attend all the events I want too! Passion Power 2012, save for Vegas 2013 and book more parties and sign more consultants.
I see great things for my business. But right now it's my hobby and my family comes first. Always
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
I AM BEAUTIFUL
Why do most woman have a hard time with this? Believing in their OWN beauty? How can we truly embrace our own body when the world keeps shoving what should be in our faces.
I have never thought I was ugly. I've just always had a hard time thinking I was beautiful. I'm pretty sure I can count on one had the amount of times I have felt amazingly confident in my body. Right now. At this moment is NOT one of them.
Ok so I had my second child 3 1/2 months ago. I got a few more stretch marks. Those don't bother me. I feel like they are in a way a beauty mark of being able to carry a child. A lot of woman will never know what that's like. So I embrace it. I'm also using Passion Parties Simply Sensual Pomegranate Ginger Toning Body Butter on my tummy and I think my marks are slowly fading. And NO I am not going to try using my husbands seaman to test the theory that makes them disappear LOL
What I'm struggling with is my size, my belly, my love handles and my thighs. Ok I guess my entire body. I love that my cousin tries to help me with the fact that her children were 5 when she finally lost it all. It means a lot because in some way it helps me put life in perspective. I don't know if I will ever be that size 0 I have so often dreamed about but I wouldn't mind getting back to my size 8. I loved my body then. I was 22 and going to the gym 4 nights a week and oh ya... haven't had kids yet!
So along with my battle of self image I'm dealing with all those other emotions I've buried so deep inside. I read last night that I need to embrace these emotions and not react. With this is my other big question. Do I face the people who brought on these other emotions in order to get over them? First I'm going to do what the book says and write them letters. Put it all on paper and then go into my backyard and have a mini burn ceremony. When I was going and talking with someone we were to do this but never fallowed through. So my goal this week is to finish this task.
I felt better after I read that. Embrace your emotions. Accept that we are human and feel. It's ok to feel what I feel as long as I deal with them the right way and no bury them deep down and then do what I always do. Explode.
I feel good today too! I got up at 4:30 for my good morning wake up feed. Then I drove my FIL to the bus at 5:30am and wait for it... Went to the GYM at 6:15am! oh that felt good. Sooooooo good. I came home and had a shower and started tiding up the place. My energy didn't last long but I am for once proud of myself. I even took the boys to the park this afternoon. I love Elliston Park but I learned today it's not the place you want to go for a walk with a stroller and a kids bike. Not impressed with that. It's just super close to me and it would be nice if the path was paved.
So there you have it. I need to learn to love my body and be patient. It takes time to lose weight and I don't have the money to have a personal trainer. I'm going to deal with my emotions and learn to embrace my new ones and stop hiding.
I AM beautiful! I am a mother of two beautiful boys and married to the most loving and supportive husband.
Life is really good and that is the truth I need to embrace!
I have never thought I was ugly. I've just always had a hard time thinking I was beautiful. I'm pretty sure I can count on one had the amount of times I have felt amazingly confident in my body. Right now. At this moment is NOT one of them.
Ok so I had my second child 3 1/2 months ago. I got a few more stretch marks. Those don't bother me. I feel like they are in a way a beauty mark of being able to carry a child. A lot of woman will never know what that's like. So I embrace it. I'm also using Passion Parties Simply Sensual Pomegranate Ginger Toning Body Butter on my tummy and I think my marks are slowly fading. And NO I am not going to try using my husbands seaman to test the theory that makes them disappear LOL
What I'm struggling with is my size, my belly, my love handles and my thighs. Ok I guess my entire body. I love that my cousin tries to help me with the fact that her children were 5 when she finally lost it all. It means a lot because in some way it helps me put life in perspective. I don't know if I will ever be that size 0 I have so often dreamed about but I wouldn't mind getting back to my size 8. I loved my body then. I was 22 and going to the gym 4 nights a week and oh ya... haven't had kids yet!
So along with my battle of self image I'm dealing with all those other emotions I've buried so deep inside. I read last night that I need to embrace these emotions and not react. With this is my other big question. Do I face the people who brought on these other emotions in order to get over them? First I'm going to do what the book says and write them letters. Put it all on paper and then go into my backyard and have a mini burn ceremony. When I was going and talking with someone we were to do this but never fallowed through. So my goal this week is to finish this task.
I felt better after I read that. Embrace your emotions. Accept that we are human and feel. It's ok to feel what I feel as long as I deal with them the right way and no bury them deep down and then do what I always do. Explode.
I feel good today too! I got up at 4:30 for my good morning wake up feed. Then I drove my FIL to the bus at 5:30am and wait for it... Went to the GYM at 6:15am! oh that felt good. Sooooooo good. I came home and had a shower and started tiding up the place. My energy didn't last long but I am for once proud of myself. I even took the boys to the park this afternoon. I love Elliston Park but I learned today it's not the place you want to go for a walk with a stroller and a kids bike. Not impressed with that. It's just super close to me and it would be nice if the path was paved.
So there you have it. I need to learn to love my body and be patient. It takes time to lose weight and I don't have the money to have a personal trainer. I'm going to deal with my emotions and learn to embrace my new ones and stop hiding.
I AM beautiful! I am a mother of two beautiful boys and married to the most loving and supportive husband.
Life is really good and that is the truth I need to embrace!
Monday, August 1, 2011
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