Preparing for My Return Back to Work

Yesterday I submitted my proposal for me to return back to work full time. April 3rd. 6:30am. Back to my original position.

I wrote about how I realized this time around that I'm really not the SAHM type here in December. I still agree with that 100%.

However, my heart is aching. I'm actually full of mixed emotions. I'm excited to go back to work. I can't wait to see everyone and get back into my old routine and the flow of things! One reason is because I'm so lonely. Don't get me wrong here. I see people but with one in school and around nap times and errands I haven't found the time to really socialize with the people I love as much as I wanted or thought I could. I'm ready to feel needed more then just a source of nutrition and cuddles.

BUT... That's what makes my heart ache. The cuddles. The Games. The Laughs. Ethan was walking by now. Jaden has taken a few steps but what if he doesn't really make the big steps until I go back to work and... gasp... I MISS IT.... sob.

This is the hardest part. The torn heart. I still wonder if maybe just maybe one day I'll find myself wanting to be home full time. I have the tools to be able to! But it's not a want yet.

March will be full of trying to find a routine. Re-budget for the extra costs of childcare and soaking up as much love as I can to help me make it through the days at work!

I know I'll be fine and I know he will be fine! Who am I kidding. He's going to be great! I'm comforted knowing he's with someone I trust and love with all my heart. I never have to worry! And if I get the "Your child is bleeding" phone call I know it's because he's a boy! lol

The other stress will be the transition for the boys in the morning. I will have to do my best to make the morning routine for Steve go very smoothly. I will have to make lunch at night, lay out both boys clothes at night and also have breakfast to go ready for both boys. Ethan can join breakfast club to eat at school and Jaden can eat at his dayhome.

I'm sure April will be a shit show! Not to mention my busy Passion schedule I'm super excited for but I also get to plan Birthday number 1!!!! Yeah!

Will I be able to find my sanity or will I lose more of it before catching a break LOL

Stay tuned!